Whiplash

Living with BPD can feel like emotional whiplash, one moment you’re up, the next you’re spiraling. But just getting through the morning is a win.

You’re not too much. Your feelings aren’t wrong. You’re trying, and that counts for something big. Take today slow. Breathe. You’ve got this. 💛

#MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

Three weeks ago today, I was involved in a traumatic, life-or-death car crash on the freeway. I was lost in thought, on my way to a doctor's appointment for an eating disorder that had, up until the crash, consumed my life. While I was ruminating in my mind, I didn't notice that I was too close to the car ahead of me. I was not speeding or anything. I breaked fast, and when I did, I lost control of the car. The car started to spin out of control. I panicked and started to cry out, then I lost consciousness. I fainted. And when I fainted, my car spun and spun and spun out of control, on the busy interstate highway at 3ish pm. As I was spinning, I was T-boned by a truck, and then hit the side rail of the freeway. I broke my hip, my sacrum, and a small bone in my pelvis. I have no recollection of the crash itself. When the EMTs and firefighters came to get me, I had no idea why I was in the road. I didn't remember anything. I looked at myself in the mirror and had blood on my face, a chipped tooth, and a headache from the whiplash. My leg hurt as if I had sat on it for hours.

EMS picked me up and took me to the hospital, where I had surgery. I was discharged a few days later, and then a deep darkness hurt me. All the mental health struggles I had struggled with before came alive to hurt me. The OCD, guilt and shame, grief, depression, and everything else. I cried day in and day out. I never got to somatically process the trauma I had faced while I was in the hospital, but when I was at home and felt safe, I could release it. I had nightmares and panic. But I've been leaning on God each day, and I know He's my only lifeline. God has worked miracles in my life, both in my body but also in my heart and soul. Each day I get better. efore the accident, I hated my body, ate a very little amount of calories, and wanted to die a lot. Now, I treat my body with kindness, respect, and honor. I've been through so much, both through this accident but all the trauma from abuse and violence. I'm a survivor. God has forgiven me, and is restoring me day by day. For the first time in so many years, I eat an appropriate amount of food. I eat a healthy diet that will strengthen my bones and my soul. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. I eat what I want, when I want and need to. I'm committed to practicing love for my body. When I have anxious or distressing thoughts, I give them to God.

In about eight weeks, I'll be able to put weight down on my leg, but for now I use a walker/wheelchair to help me get around.

I still exercise (for health) on my chair as best as I can, and I'm so grateful because I found a fun and engaging YouTube channel that helps me with chair exercises. He's even a fellow Christian, too! I found a good therapist online, and I started an online eating disorder treatment program, called Equip.

I feel like my bone will heal in no time, and my soul is healing day by day. I'll come out of this with a whole new love and appreciation for myself, plus a total healing of the mental illnesses that I've struggled with for most of my life. It's not always easy: I still get crying spells and anxiety, and nightmares, and I sometimes fight my body and feel deeply insecure. But each day I'm trying my best. That's all we can do, right?

#MentalHealth
#AnorexiaNervosa
#Anxiety
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#EatingDisorders
#Grief
#MajorDepressiveDisorder
#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder
#PTSD
#Trauma
#MightyTogether
#CheckInWithMe

Hi, my name is Aaron. I'm here because I have some health issues that I want to share in-case anyone else can relate. I have a spinal condition where my vertebrae in my spine shifts if I bend a lot, and bending a lot is how I got the injury in the first-place where my spine shifted overnight in January of 2022 and it took a year to heal as much as it was going to. Because of the incident I have to sit in incredibly specific chairs that are short with a straight back and this has even prevented me from going on vacations because I can't walk a long distance or sit in chairs that will cause my vertebrae to feel uncomfortable. Prior to this happening back in 2016 I had injured my neck by headbanging (the dance) to heavy metal, it gave me whiplash. I have not done it since. Due to this health issue, I have to read books on bookstands and not hold anything for too long a period of time or my neck will start hurting. I also have a sensitivity to screens or rather a sensitivity to light when I look directly at it, no matter how faint. It is for this reason that I have to use older monitors that have CCFL backlighting and not LED backlighting, because fluorescent, or CCFL backlighting is much easier on my eyes. Unfortunately there are no new CCFL monitors being produced so I am using an old monitor from 2006 currently, and I also use an older phone that has an LCD screen. Along with all of these issues, I have dealt with having Autism Spectrum Disorder all my life which had made me a social outcast even before any of this happened. Lastly, I have been living in isolation since my spinal injury in 2022 it has been difficult trying to find people to talk to about these issues. I was attending college prior to the spinal shift but I haven't been able to go back yet.

#MightyTogether #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Depression #spine #spinalinjury #lightsensitivity ##screens Screens

Sick with shingles brought on by allergic reactions to a severe spider bite and whiplash from a car accident I’m a mess 🤢😢

FIRST: I AM OK! Don’t worry about the title, I’ll explain. This is my last update about the friendship I decided to end. This is my 3rd update, you can find the other posts on my profile.

My last update, I said I did the hard thing and decided to end things and that he responded but I didn’t read it yet. Well, I read it later on that same day, and he got really abusive. He basically decided to gaslight me by putting horrible words in my mouth that I never said and down right insulting me. Because I was leaving, he wanted to tear me down first. I decided to be the bigger person, respond once more very kindly and not give into the awful energy he was creating and blocked him.

That night was rough, mostly because I expected a lot of things, but not verbal abuse. It was like whiplash. I had a short meltdown, and moved on. The best part? It’s only been a couple days and I’m already so much happier. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I stuck to my principles, chose my words carefully and chose kindness over hatred. Seeing the way he responded told me everything I needed to know about him, and it reassured me that I made the right choice.

If you start to get a weird feeling in your gut about someone and you don’t know why yet—trust it. It could save you from a bad relationship. Surround yourself with people who make you feel happy, loved, and seen.

#BipolarDisorder #MentalHealth #Selfcare

Ok so I saw 👀 my psychiatrist this morning and she is nothing but predictable she 🛑 my Xanax and gave me colonopin instead stopped my Zoloft and gave me Prozac. Then she sent me to have lab work done. I’m catching it rough and I’m at a job I hate I actually pray for someone to rear end my car every time I drive to work so I don’t have to go in. Like that’s how bad I hate my job! I don’t want to get paralyzed or anything but whiplash will work I can sue the person who hit me and it gives me a few days if not two weeks out of work. I know it’s wrong but I really wish I could utilize intimidation or threats to control the disability judges decision and force a approval for my disability so I don’t have to deal with people in a work environment. I am not a bad person I am just so sick of how life is going even though I’m severely afraid of dying I wish I was in heaven right now and not here because of all the 💩 I have to deal with. I’m scheduled to go to vocational rehabilitation services on April 3rd I pray they can help me find another job that’s not fast paced like my current one is and I know I sound like a jerk but I just can’t keep dealing with crap man I just can’t and people truly wonder why I have such a issue with authority figures gee I wonder why?

It’s a lonely condition—not being able to share what you go through with your friends because they see your struggles as having a bad day or going through a phase or a response to a specific thing that happened that week. What they don’t understand is that #ComplexPTSD is lifelong and can be triggered by a myriad of seemingly small things to other people, e.g. someone raising their voice with you. They don’t understand that because of auto-responses baked in your brain from childhood trauma, you can’t just meditate it away. A yoga class, while relaxing, doesn’t stop your amygdala from smacking you in the face with emotional whiplash. So you keep your bad days to yourself or your journal or communities like this where you hope your words will be heard by someone.