artheals

I have small goals, day to day goals,complicated,layered,personal goals for big goals,but https://goals.I have goals that are chores and ones that hurt me physically.
I have goals, to complete basic daily functions on time like all..My goals are mine but some were given to me, assigned till completion. Goals interrupted and goals self sabataged. Ive helped get many, to their goal, but not my goal.
The time has come for my own goals.my ambition for tomorrow will not be, fold my laundry or scrub the bathroom. My goals are talk a walk at 6am.
Drink water and take your medication.
Do not rush home,no one is waiting.
Leave this device for creative purposes https://only.You already know your way.

Today, I looked in the mirror and thought,

I feel worthless.

But I said," I am worthwhile in the things I do, say and create."

I thought, I feel like I failed.

But said, "I am tired, but I got up, and a try isn't a fail."

I thought ,I feel afraid that my situation will never change.

But said, "I am changing; it's tough, but so am I."

I thought, I feel everyone looks at me like I'm damaged.

But I said," I am taking responsibility for myself and my health so they can think whatever they want."

I thought ,I feel like I don't fit in.

But I said, "I will fit in with the right people at the right time, but first, I must fit in with me."

Remember, every thought you say to yourself matters, and the positive thoughts help you grow.

©️ words and art by April Mansilla

#art #artheals #MentalHealth #Bipolar #Depression #Recovery #wellness #ArtTherapy #Positivity #Kindness

I trusted the wrong person,again.This time,I knew but took a leap.I put it aside because I saw my similarities,again.Fate and fairy-tales,matched.Lies,
again.Not from me,me, told too much truth.There are always unanswered questions.I am learning again,I can not live this cycle,even if I wanted to.I wasn't like this before 2017.I've been told it is my environment,my dna mutations,chemistry,my past,my anxiety,my hypothyroidism,my AVM and my TBI.I have few bad days and I'm personally attacked for having an episode,being sick and not going anywhere.it isn't easy driving because of my meds.I am not that sick in the head,needy or a scared person.Others have a version of me that is beyond imagination and all hearsay.I was vulnerable because I wanted to be.I wasn't fooled or played.I was lied to.I felt each time.I was disappointed and relieved.it was never necessary.I expected a choice.I am easy prey.I trust too easy,when,I want to.People think I'm afraid or unaware.No,I see it,feel it and am a few steps ahead.I give people the space to be themselves.I won't question unless I feel it.I havent been wrong.Ive tried to explain it to the closest to me.Ive lived with the disfunction.I know munipulation.It is not necessary,if you know the other is going to actually be honest.I was looking for distance,time and healing.I am in the thick of my assessments.After being pulled back and forth,disrespected and challenged daily,I fell back into the same habits.I am feeling all the anger,mistrust and asking the same questions,again.I am going to keep getting stronger,wiser.I hope I dont remember.it was easy for them to forget.it is only one person.All of my best were thrown away.

I'm in denial.it has kept me in a standstill.I am aware of my own actions and progress,but I am ruminating,as usual.I do the exercises,put in the work,I am trying.I have to try harder.I am considering going completely offline.I know the algorithm is only making me overthink.I am remembering.They have said,I have to start over,again.

Radical Acceptance...nope,not Im not there yet.I am with my employment situation but not the remaining baggage.Take accountability for what,being kept in the dark?Believing people who lie to my face and behind my back.Accept family treating you as a storyline.Sorry,no I do not accept it.I do not accept Dr.s lying or misrepresenting.I do not accept that my parent knew and never told.I won't accept being told everything is fine,when I can feel it is not.I will keep telling how I feel and I will keep asking g questions.Why and how,Im expected to face my own while others keep kicking me.And I am not playing victim.it is the sad truth.I have allowed people to lie and use me.I am too nieve.I want to think people are being honest,ecspecially when I've begged,begged, begged for honesty,they arent.I kept asking and still am given crumbs for responces. I can only be that with and for myself,from now on.I'm trying my hardest to think of others needs,but what does lying to me get anyone?

I rarely write anymore.My paranoia took that,as I reflect.I enjoy the contrast of color in the photo,the yellow,gold against the wood.I have been in over my head before with peices but these cant come quick enough.I spent days resenting the tools,having them.Days spent,fighting to focus without being distracted by,well a speck of dust.I am exhausted,physicallyand mentally.I know the other is relieved,I feel it.

I need to change my view.I hadn't looked up in a couple months.Im ñot feeling this.I have too many items on my shelf and too many things hanging around.Every where I look.I know each peice.Where it belongs.Where to put it.It still stays.
Some things are only around because I had no where to put them,other people can see them,they aren't hidden but not within eyes view.Every item is significantly a part of who I am.They are objects.Not people.They hold memories for me.Most happy ones, so they stay.Tangible peices.I can feel the memories holding and looking at them.I won't be reminded... if they're gone.at All.

Out of sight,out of mind is exasperated in my mind.A coping strategy from too early of an age. With people not things.I love,my memories from my things.As do others.
I attatch my life to objects around me for my comfort.Does it bring joy? Then it stays.If it provokes pain and hurt.it will not be displayed.Put it away! It Doesn't belong here!It is packed,boxed away securely...unless, I want it shown.I am not a hoarder.I do not purchase or over collect.They were all given,lovely memories.The people leave behind peices but they never stay or I never stay.There is always something left behind....that needs to be put away.