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I understand my reactions, for the past year have https://escalated.I know why, how, who and recently, too much to process.Cruel, mean and sadistic beyond my mother's https://doings.My Son, mocked, belittled and has stolen my https://identity.I am frozen with https://fear.He wants to hurt me, bad, both of them https://do.I get it,they think I can go back to the maid, the cook, the driver, fun moments, https://only.People have said very aweful hurtful things to him against https://me.There is Never commitments or communication, no standard, no interaction and nothing to build together as a family.it was set up this way, to teach me a lesson.it backfired.
I would like to know, when, what moment, was I not, valued here?After what part of recovery.
Prior to my settlement because the wheels were just getting https://greased.And no one believed me then, from his https://world.All his and his mothers, friends and cousins impression, implications and gossip from outsiders and research behind her laptop." Shes having a bad day"And the people they brought back into my life that hurt my https://son.If you Abandon him, like all the rest, he will only get https://worse.He hurts and he makes poor choices and then he blames https://me.Its all my https://fault.My fault there's nothing, not this or didn'ttell https://him.Anything outside his schedule, is an https://inconvenience.I have patience but not when they create the chaos, and onto to others he's been https://told.Hes been hearing all against me his entire https://life.Hes my kid, they treated him the same way.
I want him and me out or Brian out. Or, All three https://separate.If he wants to stay with him, thats on them.one or the https://other.But they, want me out.im the odd one https://out.I will take time, put holds on all creditors, cards and make my lists of https://names.Why would he?

I know, Im now known as the town psycho, thanks to her, the Harts,Cindy, Corrin,his gazelle friends, the dispensary staff,coffee place and phone https://guy.All the places I frequent but have never once displayed anything of a loss of self.
Im confused something has been said Im not prevy to and that is concerning. I have a https://son.You can call me names,but treat my son, as a pawn,in your sick https://game.You bring strangers into my personal information and accounts, stalk my house, go through my belongings, watch me through my phone with no regard for anyones wellbeing, but not once have you ever spoken directly to https://me.Three years and now you feel Im upset over nothing? Worried the truth is coming out, what you did,directly to my home, to me,my family. Now he is torn, alone and https://backtracking.He doesn't face consequences, or take accountability because you taught him https://that.He does not apologize or resolve anything.you showed, he is the only one who will take care of his mother, when she says jump, he will, because she pays him with things, promises, strokes his ego and he does no wrong, ever, her poor https://son.She told him, convinced him, his wife was jealous of https://him.What type of mother tells a man a woman, is jelly on a man, what? She has power, money and shameless in heart and no,spirit.I tried to turn to the women in my life and guess what? They all sucked, two faced,unloyal,plastic,fakest group of women, Ive ever met.
Yes, And I stand by it, six freaking years https://later.Not one has proven me wrong https://yet.Mean Girls Club, never my deal.do not speak of me https://again.Get help.

This has caused me pain and not all https://emotional.I am hurting and it scares https://me.I sat there watching my life and I am alone because of https://it.I would rather process it and not be taken advantage of, this https://way.I haven't had clarity until I left this house.it is not a healthy environment for a family, let alone any dynamic is lost to other peoples damage https://done.I took accountability and spoke, they have not and that was set up that https://way.I am heartbroken and alone, have been for too long and it has changed me, made me bitter, pessimistic and lost faith in compatability https://altogether.When I loose my faith, its https://done.I gave endless opportunities for them to be transparent and honest about everything for the last three years and they both decided, I was not worth the effort, the time or energy emotionally to fight for, to engage in any repairing or https://resolving.They are hurt but wont express it, they are lost and wont admit https://it.Ive given grace, time and patience.it is not forced by me, I wait and they refuse to address https://anything.That told me my https://place.Actions do tell me everything and avoidance, is an https://action.I can be, my best self for me, that is the goal.it doesn't take away the pain of watching them become bitter, angrier and more defensive than https://before.I will never forgive her,his cousins, her friends and the people who played my life for https://fun.Tell Sue and Karen, Ted's turn to know her truths since mine were free https://game.I dont play nice when pushed over and over https://again.Have him come on by, time to spill the tea https://bitches.My home was taken out by so called friends of friends, enemies, two faced backstabbing jelly women who hate their choices and believe in serving https://men.Not my type of https://friends.Tell Ted, stop by. I've got Her https://Tea.This goes back twenty years, good gossip, all her https://secrets.Then all of you can compare notes, timeliness and see who fckd who, hows that sound? Then you can tell your parents, oh, he can tell your Son too, your church folk and your https://employer.Sounds good to https://me.Keep that feather in your https://cap.Tell Sue, you are not a reformed man.

I was taken offline and now my original writings are https://gone.Four years of my memories, my private thoughts and https://diaries.Who does that? Oh, yes, https://her.Nine years ago, I made a promise and I am grateful for having known myself enough,to be able to recognize my problems and address them.it is frustrating that the people I thought I knew, cannot or will not communicate or follow through with https://me.I had relationships, as an adult, concenting, grown adult age.And? He, has dozens, I never knew https://of.I did not hate or cause his families problems.They, are, the https://problem.Telling people Im crazy,sleeping around and stealing stuff? That Im abusive when he phased me out, years https://ago.What the hell? I sold an appliance and my ring, out of panick, at my https://worst.My heart is broken, my son knows things he never should of known and someone is dying from https://lying.Its sad, for nothing and https://cruel.I am not that and I will not engage.

The energy and endless time given to hurt strangers, acquaintances and the people from my past...it is wrong.no one deserves that level of animosity and hurt.I am gratefully strong and smart enough to know, I am, enough and I can live a good life alone.I have been for years prior and I can again.I feel too much, I understand too much and have experienced too many people misjudging, misrepresenting and insinuating things they have no business discussing.I give grace, for me.I let things slide, to save those the embarrassment and I will continue to give them a pass.I am aware, I am guarded and able.I am strong and sensitive.it is called, being a woman.

If I confide in you, explain a regrettable behavior, that was brought on by a medical issue, from a medication, and you become angrier and defensive, I will be concerned. If your response is well I am allowed to be angry.im going to give you the valid space and still voice my concern for your https://reply.Anger is grief and not acknowledging your role in that, is unfair to the person you attacked https://wrongly.It does not negate the reason only the https://approach.Your anger invalidates your point, your wife, your mother, your self in the https://end.He has every right to be mad but needs to be accountable for his role as https://well.They can hate me all day long, it will never stop me from talking, trying or thinking of ways to help https://him.If he was promised something, his values have been compromised, completely and thats sad, he deserves better and I will find a https://way.I want him to grow up and find himself outside this house but still keep me in his https://life.He shouldn't be the glue and now, I have to make sure he's https://not.Trust will be in his name and I'll make it https://his.All Will.

I've waited and watched, waited and gave opportunity for their https://voices.They chose silence and easy, instead of growth and https://building.I know Im difficult, disposable and too demanding when it comes to admitting https://fault.They will always project and https://deny.Its to prove their narrative and Im removing https://myself.I cannot stay somewhere I am not taken seriously or https://included.I do not want either of them to have this https://life.They have showed me, they have had two years and there has been zero https://attemp.I go back to repair and they deny, avoid and destroy any resolution or accountability on their https://part.They are buying https://time.I keep waiting for them to communicate, https://nothing.I do not bottle things up, I address them, daily and they dismiss https://me.Im no longer going to be ignored, second choice or https://neglected.To ignore me, for days and then blame me, is https://sad.To make my son, choose is https://aweful.Any bribe, using him to communicate and lighten the mood, is https://wrong.Expecting him, to again carry the emotional weight, for the husband, is https://wrong.Triangulating with Anyone from my past behind my back, is https://wrong.The hypocrisy is shocking,to teach my kid, that this is acceptable, I cant get through by myself and since they cant, wont and still are not able, I cant keep going https://backwards.I will be going.

My body doesn't absorb medications properly so I no longer am a walking pharmacy.I am to the point of wanting to numb all of it now.Mentally, Im saying.There are two meds that cross my blood barrier and clock me out, completely.This last three days, hurt me, physically, from seeing the truth,again.My face looks like a peel went wrong, my chest is hot,heart hurts and now Im having nightmares again.so that one medication is the thing that will erase this past three years and what they've,people not meds, have done to me.
I have zero, value, to them, because I need communication and affection.All it comes down to.I had expectations and I am too emotional.To paint a picture to all, that I wasn't sick, that I, am ungrateful, is the biggest lie, and hurtful, more than they will ever understand and honestly, now, I do not believe any of them, are capable of grasping that. What has been done is wrong.in no comparison, to any private matter.it was wrong.Any one involved, should have to answer, as I have, had to endure, so shall others.And that isn't within my control, thats their delusion, not mine.I own my desperation.Others use people to fight their own battles and then cry victim.im ashamed for them.A woman, deserves to be treated with care and respect.
Not with your ego and your boy gang tactics to intimidate or ruin her reputation, for sport, because she tells the truth.
Now, Im ready to get medicated to forget what their version of support and care means.Strangers would give more compassion and care.But if Im dosed and numb, they can keep being them and I wont feel a thing.Just like 1960s, how they'd like it.Look at that, Karen, Im vintage afterall, just like you.
They will be happy, free of guilt and say Im, crazy still, but medicated and dedicated.That way, nothing needs to be informed, run by me or involved.I will have zero expectations and zero interest. No different than before. But then it also means, my own care, will, need care.
And I can't trust them, to do that.So, I just made my decision.Its sad that All the women, in my husband's life, never tried to help me.They never called me, stopped or questioned about long term care.I guess because they were told it wasn't needed. They can experience the same now.I am not wrong for concerning myself with the things in my world, for wanting a say, for expecting improvement. It's called growth and as long as I stay here, it's never going to happen.I feel less trust, faith and hope now, than ever before.And thats the truth.I am punished for telling the truth, always have been.That makes me an arshole and I am alone because of it.I would do anything to be a room, with all of them and Him, to listen, absorb and take, all their insults, accusations and mockery, all for him.I would love to hear his version of our life.I can guarantee, it is the furthest from the truth.I "served" this man for half my adult life, by choice.Let him, anything.so yes, Im mad, regretting all now and no longer need to be purposely pushed out.im out.Hard meds or truth, those are, the options now.Since none of His, most loyal will have principles and the women in his life, have no self respect, I have to pay with the denial, they've created.But he's upset about the $$ and ego.Not my heath, my heart or mind.He never should have gotten married then and thats the sad fact.But we don't deal in facts.All smoke and mirrors here.

I've as km ed for over two years now to please stop.He is hurting my son, antagonizing him and lying constantly to me.This is wrong and Im not okay.My family was is gone, done and hurt because of her animosity not mine.I turned to the women in this family, they turned on me.I did rell him the truth.He hates me.Shows me constantly and it's disturbing and wrong, worse than anything I ever did.You cannot based someone of their privacy.I do not understand and why would anyone want to hurt someone Iike this over something they never cared about to begin with.to humiliate me for what? Parade me in front of them, for what? Set me up, for what? What was the restaurant for? The studio? The Galleries, for what? It's done.I, ashamed, embarrassed to have ever met you to do these things to me , to my son, him, all the people I care for.wĥhy hurt someone who has nothing left, why.