avm

My son and husband have betrayed me beyond a couple times.And now, backtracking by munipulating and changing stories and narratives.Both trapped themselves today, outloud, setting the other up.Screwing eachother over, again.Pretending the other is unaware and in on it.Slick but stupid.The phone is only one thing.Involving him, thats saddest lesson forced on me.Im not longer holding space for anyone involved or seeking an outsider activity.They are all involved and Im alone, sick and trying, still, to fix the unfixable.It will be brought up, played and finished, by them.I will have nothing but knowing I tried everything for these two and they continue to cover the truth. No longer will I, put them first.I will treat them, how they treat me.I will finish painting and making my home, mine.no one else does any cleaning or maintaining.I am, the only one organizing, cleaning and trying to fix.I expect someone who sees the value and not only obstacles.Sad and reactive to this last game.It is ridiculous,pathetic and gross.Still.

I hadn't written in over three https://weeks.I felt https://it.Pausing was not by choice, my phone has been hacked for about two years, by my spouses family.im https://monitored.For their reputations https://safety.I never signed up for https://this.I wasn't told and thats a violation for me, https://major.All that has been implied, wrong and in https://vein.I knew and had to sit and https://watch.I will go back and find why, it is her doing, never was mine or his, all her.

The funny and ironic thing is, he is cheap but I am https://frugal.I will go without and he spends on himself, saying I buy cheap https://stuff.I buy https://necessity.He will not invest in his house and tells everyone I ruined https://it.He wont help me fix it, at https://all.But tells them, its https://me.Im ungrateful because I want more, worked and gave everything to us, I wanted a better https://future.And in https://writing.Thats when it became a https://problem.A will, my name on the house and reassurance for William.They, didnt want https://us.She didnt want me.
I did not,want other, people, over us, all his friends , his family, they want us, gone.His, avoidance,and uses, the house, as a excuse.it will be done, by https://me.He was doing this years before and now Im ruined, https://financially.That was his https://plan.He doesn't believe he did a thing wrong, still.

I have sat back and observed everything, now the narrative is My identity was stolen? Good one...Try my phone told me who! All their emails and phone numbers, everyone.
All the plotting, revenge from others, for him and oh all the lies, from a bitter old besty who has more to loose than me.
Ive been told. All of it, to make me leave and be quiet about my own life and https://experiences.I dont do people like that, like they https://do.But I can.

Am I, to now pretend? That this past year did not happen, like the two years prior? Just sweep it under the rug, again?Pretending no one hurt me is denial and destructive, to everything, I went through.my intention was and still is, to grow and find people, who want, to be part of my https://life.I am not surprised or fooled, by his, at all.
I am over it. I relive it, every couple of days.it is not worth my energy or emotion, chasing someone or a family who doesn't want to know truth or grow with open dialog https://communication.I am not going backwards for wanting the truth about the last https://year.I was phased out and now, a scramble to hide the truth, will not go https://well.I am not going to try to rebuild with petty jaded https://gossip.Let them talk, slander and imply.it is their norm and Im no longer playing, with fools. Same as years ago. They will never understand the damage and toll, this has taken on https://them.I will stand up for myself and my son, I will ask questions and search out, what happened.it is not helping him by hurting me and those who think otherwise, have been fooled, played and lied https://to.But I'll keep being, dumb and in dark, for their sake. I want nothing to do with anyone who sees nothing wrong with this https://situation.Played yourselves because Im proud of myself and no about of tar and feathers will change https://that.Take out a mirror, your perception of me, IS a reflection of https://you.And my perception is an awareness of https://me.Try it.

I haven't been able to greive,in the ways others have been https://granted.That was taken, from me, out of https://malice.I will never, understand, why an entire group of people, would do https://that.I have asked why, a million https://times.When others passed, I was also attacked with,anger, assumptions and contemp, for having emotions and feelings,and expressing https://them.Everybody else is allowed to talk, discuss, reflect but me, no.Nothing. I am nothing in that family, no one of value, no significance, to them, ever.
Why do other people monitor and dictate, HOW, someone else should, feel about death and loss.
I saw the dynamic and manufactured anger then, all that resentment towards me, for others gossip, between certain family members. And then they All fall silent when asked.
I have been away, getting therapy, finding peace and to now know, I am Still a topic of, toxic conversation, is as common today, as when I grew https://up.I hope those who excluded me purposefully know, it was calculated by them, for https://years.I watched them go after mine and then, they abandoned them, just as https://quick.The name calling, assumptions, backstabbing, lies, gossip, hearsay....that is them, that is why, I called them out and do not have relationships, with https://any.And they'd stutter, yell, deny and become meaner, https://everytime.Im used to these, family disfunctions and roles, all https://play.Just because there is a dollar,$$$ attached, doesnt change or lesson the https://dysfunction.Ive been addressing it, for too https://long.I am sad, for them and hurt by https://them.Imagine planning for something beautiful and it is tainted by mockery and https://lies.Those family dynamics, are going to backfire because the impact, is destructive and https://cruel.That circle, I though for my future, just imploded some more.to deliberately, take away, that grieving process, with others, is https://cruel.I waited, to reach out,because of fear, fear of being rejected again, by the ones who, I reached out to https://before.I know now, but it never makes it hurt less, no matter how old I https://get.I wanted to know my Son, would be taken in, loved and not used as a pawn, by others https://involved.Thats https://it.What is wrong with people? Seriously,never thought Id let more heartache in, but now,it doesn't go https://away.All of my fears, insecurities and pain, only confirmed,this past three https://years.Nothing https://more.Thank you, for showing me exactly what I already felt.no big mystery solved.Confirmed,dysfunction and destruction, from family.
I will no longer relive this pain brought on by them.

Have you ever, regretted a decision, to not quit, something?
I should have https://stayed.I should have bought https://it.I should have lived?I should have said...I have
Rejected truth and the obvious, to give space for a, third option, forth, fifth option.
To, not decide, to go with it, see where it goes, with intention and action, only.
What if it turns out.
To act on positive emotion, only.
With loving https://intention.But real this time. All perspectives.
I had done that.Waited, watched and yes, https://regretted.Saw the dependence, thought I was lost, gone, https://helpless.No point trying when I knew, it wasn't going to be addressed, ever.
You bringing, my past mistakes,back, to teach me some lesson.
You had no right, outing anyone, no one. I asked you to leave me alone. Who, has that right?Who does that?
To put myself, my son and others, again, on shame, is https://disgusting.We were, all, we had, at one https://point.Two people, who hurt us, over and over again.I'm ashamed of myself and, for others who felt they could not come directly to me and those who have been used.

We laughed and were happy until it bothers https://you.Our giggles made you https://mad.Talking and bonding wasn't celebrated,it was a https://intrusion.Every attempt we have made,has been met with defensiveness,contempt and a pattern of https://munipulation.We speak about the issues as they arrive, we resolve and move https://accordingly.And we revisit the issue if https://needed.There is a mutual respect and give and take, for there to be a https://relationship.I do not understand why a person would hold that much contempt, for the ones, that put them, first.to turn to the ones, that hurt https://them.We will always invite, include and stand up to support others, who supported https://us.But we wont be insulted, shamed and disrespected when we call out munipulation.Nope, not https://us.We have gone through this before, too many times.

Missing people, for what brought out, in you, is a different type of grief. You seperate from that role, you played, if you had one. A daughter, a sibling, a spouse, friend, mentor.
When the role, is title https://only.There isnt grief, it dissolves naturally, fades away, easy and with cuts.
When that title, has influence and ground, the greiving is intense, deep and https://abrasive.That role, can strip away the layers gently or ware them down hard, it is a choice people make, who are you.
I decided to remove the layers,one by one and they hurt others, falling https://off.I asked for help and was https://dismissed.I confided and was met with defensiveness and https://denial.I sought help and was told to https://stop.I have now stepped back farther to recognize, the isolation, miscommunication and assumptions,that have plated, the narrative of my https://life.I am blessed to have had a handful, that new and know, who,I am.
Gossip and hearsay, whether true or false, says more about you, than whats being said. My son knows https://this.A large numbers of adults, do not.
And I do not sit at tables, where the course, of socializing is, speaking ill of those, not at the table. Two faced lives, do not belong in my https://life.I like to praise others, compliment their loved ones and encourage https://growth.Not scheme and chastise with guilt and https://judgement.And if pointing it out makes you uncomfortable, try again, smile, give https://grace.Try it, I did and it is easy for me to fall back and I see, https://now.Clearer now and boundaries are stronger than https://before.I will always have good memories of my life and be grateful for the good the pendulum brings.it is what I can https://control.Are you grateful for your mistakes or ashamed? Shame does nothing but paralyze.
And I learned that before talking, shame.

So now, I talk as much as I can, when I feel frozen.
It works it out, like a knot, breaks free.

They, then leave me alone, when I tell the truth and I do say the truth, when I talk.
If I hurt you, then speak to me https://directly.Not your friend or neighbor, me.
Thirsty Thanksgiving Thursday giving thanks before the cooking starts,gravy goodness and kitty cravings!!!!