Lettinggo

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    Intrusive thoughts which infect the mind

    I have a intrusive thoughts which infect my mind and make it difficult to concentrate. They start the minute I wake up and do not cease until I go back to sleep. I have many hobbies and try to keep my mind occupied but the evil thoughts replay over and over.

    When I was physically assaulted over ten years ago I never thought that I would continue to experience flashbacks and trauma from the incident. I have been in fights before and thought it would become another distant memory of something unfortunate. My experience has been completely different and I am stuck in a never ending loop of sorrow and pity.

    The attack causes me major mental health issues that I can't move on from. I am stuck in a negative cycle of pain and suffering. The image of the attack repeats in my mind. I see the faceless images of multiple attackers and the fear of reliving the incident is ever present. I am afraid of what's in store for me as I battle to focus on what's important.

    It is difficult to describe the incident as it involves anger, betrayal and resentment. The only thing I know for sure is that it leaves me empty and insecure. These people purposefully sought to hurt me and they were successful.

    I hate to say it but my mental health has deteriorated to the point where I am miserable. I hate my life and I am aware of the holes I keep digging are damaging me further. I blame my mother and father for a lot of my problems whether it is their fault or not. They did their best but had unrealistic expectations and when I was unable to achieve the impossible goals they had set for me I spiralled in to a deep depression.

    This depression has followed me for years and the more I let it control my life - the more pain it causes me. I have never dealt with any of the negative emotions that fill my mind. I bottled everything up and pretended I was fine. I am at the point where I don't see anything improving and I want to hurt the few people I have left.

    I really wish I could end on something positive but my life has become a merry go round of pain, sorrow and regret. I hate myself in more ways than one and I need help but the road to recovery is fraught with feelings of guilt and resentment.

    EDIT: I am fully aware that my posts are very much a pity party. I am hurting inside and just desperately want to feel better.

    #Depression #Misery #Sadness #hurt #Pain #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #feelings #unhappy #Relationships #Friendship #Love #Trauma #PTSD #challenges #Life #Death #advertisy #friend #peace #Emotion #flasback #Lettinggo #scar #regret #compassion #Thoughts #Mindfulness #Anxiety #reserved #Respect #peace

    10 reactions 6 comments
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    Self Preservation

    I have been in a significant decline over the past two or three years. I am constantly depressed and suffer from anxiety. I also have a limited support network and don't have anyone to confide in. I lost all my friends in such a short space of time; looking back on my life it is very difficult to imagine losing everything in less than two years. I was left with nothing but the support of my parents which I am very grateful for.

    I had just turned 20 years old and had my whole life in front me. At that young age, I felt like I had already lived a lifetime. It is very difficult to come to terms with what happened and no matter how much I try to forget I am reminded of my past. I feel as though that short period of my life will haunt me forever and I am always chasing my tail trying to make up for it.

    This is an exhausting process and leaves me feeling inadequate and empty. I have never really understood why I was so angry with the world. The only way I can describe how I was feeling at the time was trying to climb out of a bottomless pit and only slipping deeper and deeper until I could no longer see the hole I came in through. I also sought external gratification through any means available.

    When I finally hit rock bottom and decided I needed to make a change, it was too late. Nobody was there to greet me or offer me a hand like I had expected. Everybody in my life had abandoned me and I was left to pick up the pieces and reflect on the self inflicted trail of destruction which had turned my life upside down. This period of my life was the most difficult but sub-consciously I told myself it would get better.

    I re-assured myself that things could only get better. Things did improve but only ever so slightly. I would never be the optimistic confident and popular kid I once was. Instead I was a broken version of myself both internally and externally. My life was shattered and I was left to pick up the pieces.

    One regret that I have was not trying to re-connect with old friends, my ego got in the way of putting my self out there as my reputation was tarnished beyond repair. My old friends no longer wanted to associate with me. I think this is what I struggle with the most not being able to let people in due to my fear of getting hurt.

    I have always been a sensitive person and my emotions get the better of me. In my early thirties I seek connection and community with others although I feel there is a piece of me missing and I am forever trying to find it to make myself whole again. I still struggle to connect with people on a personal level as I have reservations and fears from my youth. #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Sadness #Guilt #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Shame #failure #redemption #Fear #clarity #Love #peace #Friends #relationship #Lettinggo #reuniting

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    Sacred Dreams

    Sometimes we love
    And our hearts are broken

    We dream
    And our hopes are shattered

    We wish
    And our desires are unfulfilled

    We give freely
    And are left empty-handed

    And we care for others
    And aren’t loved in return
    And those who we once most admired and valued
    Do not reciprocate our affection.

    Sometimes we undergo a process of loss and heartbreak
    And are left feeling broken
    And lacking hope
    As we fail to realise
    That we are not destined to remain stuck in this cycle indefinitely
    And that in life
    What lets go of you
    Leads you home

    What rejects you
    Empowers you to embrace yourself fully
    And that someone’s lack of love for you
    Is ultimately a reflection of them rather than you.

    And we feel most hurt
    Not when we are rejected
    But when we reject ourselves
    We feel most sad
    Not when others upset us

    But when we seek happiness in sources that are unable to provide it and are left feeling let down
    And we feel most alone
    When we are strangers to ourselves

    And so in order to find peace in our surroundings
    We must first find peace within
    In order to find joy outside of us
    We must first experience joy internally
    In order to feel fully accepted

    We must first learn to fully accept ourselves
    And that
    Not every race is worth running
    Not every battle is worth fighting

    Not every adventure is worth embarking upon
    And not every relationship is worth pursuing
    And rejection is simply redirection

    Allowing us to become more in touch with ourselves
    And more awakened to our own self-acceptance and self-love.~

    ~Tahlia Hunter
    Sacred Dreams

    #Poetry #Healing #hurt #Lettinggo #Love #Selflove #Selfworth #Selfacceptance
    I really enjoyed this free verse and so I thought I’d share it.

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    Letting Go!

    My daughter and I enjoyed some Kundalini Yoga.

    It is a combination of breath work, body movement and mantras.

    We did a mantra that works on trauma and letting go. I didn't have any expectations. Let me tell you...

    As I started this, I followed directions until I felt a surge of emotion. I felt warm and then this surge continued to creep up to my chest until I cried. It was out of my control. Something took over and I couldn't stop until we were done with that segment.

    I have to tell you that it was a very powerful experience and I felt amazing afterwards.

    All I have to say is wow!

    #Lettinggo

    #relax

    #EatingDisorders

    #Trauma

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    Closure #Lettinggo #breakup #moveon

    Today let us be brave! we might have life to save!

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    My Wonder Woman #Lettinggo #Depression #lifechanges

    I've learned change isn't something I do well with. I know all the logical response. I should, I've heard plenty of it. But it just doesn't seem to help and maybe I just don't want it. I do know sooner or later I always come around...
    My Wonder Woman: we'll be flying HIGH and wide again, as all Wonder Women do. I will be looking for YOU...
    #AfterSuicideLoss #Familyabuse

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    Numb

    Two months ago, my partner left me for someone else. Our relationship was toxic and he did cheat on me before, but I still had hope that he would change and we could make it work. You see I have anxious attachment style, so I was needy and always felt like he had one foot out of the door. I know I push people away but I thought he would love me through my hard days like I loved him through his. He was the one person that I truly opened up to in a lot of different ways. I was pushing him away but I never wanted him to leave. I was so lost in my pain. He told me that his new relationship is better than ours. He gets along with her and they communicate better. I’m crushed. I feel so unworthy of understanding and love. It’s been two months. I had to block him today because he writes me every once in awhile. I just can’t talk to him anymore. Every time I do, I get depressed. I’ve decided to be single and date myself for once. I want to break the toxic cycle that keeps replaying in my relationships. I just want to be happy, heal, and forgive myself for my past mistakes. I want to like and love myself. I lost myself in that relationship and allowed the pain that I felt to change me into someone that I am not proud of. I feel like I let myself down. #toxicrelationship #Depression #Lettinggo #SeparationAnxiety #brokenheart #sad

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    Change is not necessarily a bad thing. #Mindfulness #CPTSD #Trauma #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #Fear #Lettinggo

    Most of our coping mechanisms were created to keep us safe in uncontrollable circumstances.

    As adults, continuing to utilize the same coping mechanisms becomes dysfunctional because we are reacting to the past, not the current reality.

    Mindfulness allows us to practice simply being with ourselves, right now, in the present moment. Which is safe.

    The reason it is called a practice is because, after years of using your old coping mechanisms, you will need to practice being Mindful until it becomes a habit the way your old habits came into being.

    Step by step, moment by moment, the new reality of safety will become real, as you practice Mindfulness.

    4 comments
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    how do u let go of somebody ?!

    how do u let go of someone u loved and move on ?! even after years and years
    so sick of being stuck on this somebody
    #PersonalityDisorders #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Bipolar #movingon #Lettinggo #heartbreak

    6 comments
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    thinking

    any tips on how to stop thinking of people from the past ?! #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trauma #Lettinggo #past

    3 comments