emotions

Today I called out of work to take a self-care day. Intially I felt guilty. However, after thinking about it further I realized if I am feeling physically ill I take a day off. Shouldn’t I take a day off if I am not doing well emotionally? I realized recently just how much I shame myself for experiencing human emotions. I deserve a day to breathe and feel better emotionally. I hope for the coming generations self-care days become acceptable and no one feels guilty for saying “Hey I need a day off for my mental health”. I am so happy I decided to take the day off. It took a lot of courage to do so. #Selfcare #MentalHealth #Emotions

Somebody knows about jealousy in borderline - bipolar people? #Jealousy #Emotions #Borderline

This morning I was up very early, as typical for the night owl in me. I started thinking about something that happened about 5 years ago.

My older adult daughter was visiting us, we live many miles and states apart.
I knew I wanted to surprise her for her Birthday, I think? I really like giving gifts…I kind of pride myself on giving the perfect gift. I don’t know why. It’s been said that it’s one of the love languages.?

Anyway, a couple of weeks before her visit, I went to a ceramics place and I painted her cat Minerva, as a youngster. It was an extremely detailed plate, that I painted. It took me maybe 9 hours to complete.-I received notification from the store while my daughter was visiting, that the plate was ready after fireing.

I took my daughter to pick up the plate. She’d said that she really hoped I wasn’t giving her another “thing,” but I thought..this is unique, and the whole time I worried about her reaction.

While I was painting the plate, there was a nagging in the back of my mind, that nothing lasts forever.-Watch something happen to this plate! (I’m somewhat 6th sense..) At the time, I still felt had to complete the plate.

So, my daughter was super excited for the wonderful art work I gave her! We got home, to my house. She was holding the plate, which was wrapped, in paper, and a bag. She was holding it like a delicate flower. She was holding it like a treasure, outward, serving style, in both hands. I turned, after I opened the door to the house. She startled, and dropped the plate!

I was upset, obviously. I walked away..in shock. I went somewhere else. I did some deep breathing and tried to let go of the object, the art I created.

I came into my kitchen to find my daughter on the floor, crying. She was so very miserable, and so very sorry it broke.

I helped get her up. I hugged her. I tried to help alleviate what she was feeling. It was a gift after all, to do with, one wanted.-She told me she would glue all the pieces together.-I told her that if she chose to throw it out, I really, didn’t want to know about it…

Permanence. Nothing in life is permanent. It’s all moving, change, and fluid, and transcending,from one moment to the next, from one day, month, year, to the next. And, we’re all just temporary works of art. Admired for a time, remembered for a moment, then fleeting, then gone.. #FamilyAndFriends #Emotions #BreastCancer #Family #PTSD #abandonment

CW: selfharm

So, over the last 3ish months I’ve relapsed with selfharm 5-6ish times, the last time being a week ago today. Which was also the morning of my therapy appointment for the week, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her in session so I sent her a message afterwards telling her I relapsed again. And so today was the session after that and of course she brought it up which is fine. But idk she’s normally so good at understanding where I’m coming from and making things relatable, etc. but I kinda feel like we’re speaking different dialects of the same language. It’s like she’s 100% focused on stopping any future relapses, whereas I… don’t really care at this point. Sure there’s this tiny part of me that cares and my therapist wants me to put more focus on the part that does care which I get. But just, I don’t like the way she framed everything and idk how to communicate that to her.

She really is a great therapist, and we’ve worked so well together on other things that like I know this is just a bump in the road, but like, idk what to do. Todays session didn’t go well in my mind and now all I want to do is cancel my next session and stop talking to her about my selfharm altogether. I know that’s not the right way to handle this, but the thought is really tempting right now. I hate complicated emotions and todays session has brought up a lot and I’m honestly just so done.

#Selfharm #Selfinjury #Relapse #Depression #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe #Therapy #Therapist #ADHD #misunderstood #DBT #Emotions

#feelings #lifequestions #Emotions #Marriage