I’m having the hardest time today tying to not slip into the downward spiral of despair, shame, self pity, ... It’s beautiful outside. Gorgeous. Hasn’t been like this since what feels like never. But I’m extra depressed today. I started depressed. Then I canceled the two plans I had for the day; because of that I’ve disappointed multiple people. This fact makes me even more depressed. I’m feeling sorry for myself, and feeling like a bad person for feeling sorry for myself. I want to sit outside on the deck and absorb the beautiful day … but the idea of relaxing and enjoying makes me feel guilty. I feel selfish for stealing the luxury of time while my terribly hardworking boyfriend busts his ass to hit a deadline—I was supposed to help. He was counting on me. I can’t even count on myself. … The other thing I had planned was to actually go out and have fun with great funny friends from out of town. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had real social fun. I’m missing this year’s version of PrideFest in my city. A festival. A celebration. An act of support and love. But had to cancel. #Depression #Shame #Selfpity #feelingworthless #Uncomfortable #Anxiety #badfriend #fomo #Broken