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Intent is irrelevant! And I don’t have to make you feel better for what you did.

Maybe I’m a bit emotional. Trigger warning!

As someone who has struggled with being below normal weight (since birth might I add) I have never been “normal” (worst word in all the languages that have/will/are currently in use)when it comes to size.

I was a tiny little baby, I was a skinny toddler, my cheeks have never been chubby, I’ve never had a belly and I’ve never been comfortable in my own skin. No 5 year old should be self consious abou t how they look! No 21 year old should be sent for counseling by a university professor for avoiding food at a university gathering. No 25 year old should have soon-to-be (extended) family members telling them that they should eat more they look sickly. No one should EVER say something to anyone about their health unless they know the person very VERY EXTREMELY well!!!!!!

People who suffer from #Anorexia don’t think they should eat more because you said so, if anything I’ll be avoiding food even more now because then you can’t watch what I eat if I don’t. Eating disorders and body dismorphia are very real health issues that people struggle with, it is also much more a disturbance to daily life.

I know I have to eat or I will not be alive and become very sick. I’ve been very sick. I am aware that I control my #AnorexiaNervosa and not the other way around but, I am fighting a battle against my own instinct here. From my own personal experience I have found that I get triggered by people commenting on how much I eat and what I eat more than seeing pictures or media platforms. I’m different others don’t care what people say. Whatever you triggers are they are yours. The triggers for any mental or physical or emotional or physiological or any other category of illness are wide and diverse and unique to each individual. Don’t say things because you think it’s funny but you know it’s offensive or can hurt someone.

The moral of the story is, don’t comment, think just what you want but don’t say it. People’s battles are much harder and the effects are much deeper than you know.

#BeAware #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #DontCommen #battles

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I Survived So I Could Tell My Story

I was in first grade when I become extremely ill. It was flu season, so the doctors assumed that’s what I had. I continued to get worse and worse as the days went on. I had a fever ranging between 103 to 107 and it never would break. My tongue was bright red. My skin was broke out in a crazy rash all over my body. my skin was peeling off in large chunks for no apparent reason. My lymph nodes were unbelievably swollen. We continued to go back to the hospital. Due to the lack of knowledge and education on the disease I had, it took weeks to finally figure out what was going on. I Spent my birthday and Christmas in the hospital, which absolutely sucked, but we made the best of it! Crazy enough the only reason I was even taken out to the hospital was because of my grandma’s dog. She followed me everywhere and would not leave my side! I guess you could say that this little old schnauzer saved my life.

I am posting this because it needs to be talked about. Kawasaki Disease may be rare, but people need to know about it! It has had lasting effects on me and it continues to cause me problems. Because of this disease I have an extremely weak immune system, I get infections around my heart when I get even the slightest bit dehydrated, I am not able to stay out in the sun too linty because it makes me sick. There are no proven lasting side effects of Kawasaki disease, but I really feel like if I hadn’t gotten this disease I would not have so many health issues.

I contracted this disease when I was 6. I am now almost 21. I am one of the 19 kids out of every 100,000 that was diagnosed with Kawasaki Disease. I will continue to fight in order to spread awareness. #KawasakiDisease #KawasakiSyndrome #BeAware #Survivor

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Today I woke up and my body was weak, empty, cold and cringed up from crying so much. My head was under my covers where oxygen was lacking and all I could breathe in was my own air I was breathing out. Tears kept pouring out of me like they had been waiting for the first one to fall so they all could follow along. I’m trapped inside the body of somebody I don’t want to be. I want to be happy and care free and full of life again. I want to run around without shoes and forget what I feels like to carry demons on your shoulder and monsters in your mind. I want to forget about the bad people can do and just focus on the good. I want to be myself and not care what anybody thinks. I want to CONTROL myself and not let my emotions and illness control me, or medications or opinionated people. At the end of today, I put on makeup, I got dressed, showered, brushed my teeth, and I went out and told myself to go or else I’d drown in my mind. Sometimes all we need is ourselves and we don’t even realize that. Everything we seek can be found within our own bodies. #BeAware #Loveyourelf #PickYourselfUp #Selflove #seekhelp