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  • What's New in Survivor

    Sometimes I wonder #onalityDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ADHD #SocialAnxiety #Survivor

    Ya know, this very moment; existing as a mother, having loved through the past, a past that I can truly account having a collective memory at an unconceivable early age. So many things it's like placing together the most enormous quilt.

    As I reflect, what is now, a mother of two girls, one 11, one 13. Most times I sincerely want to yank every strand of my hair out, theoretically. Still, trying to relegate their adolescent emotions, and keep my sanity in check....

    Did I have supportive parents, no! Those two souls were already broken by their own minds. Did I have support of external family, no. I was literally kidnapped by my biological parents, and brought to the state I still reside in.

    No, as a kid, I challenged each therapist whose office was so filled to capacity of degrees and certs., as a child my mind knew then, they wouldn't get I challenged them... I truly wish I could've respected those hearts more.

    So, how should I go about this, today? Should I sit, overwhelmed, should I stuff until my emotion spills out with rage?
    Raising children these days, theirs such a great account; my mistakes affect their futures!

    Ya know what, I think I should sit, my thoughts are even too radical, and they just begin to overlap, the more I entertain this idle mind.... Nope...
    I think I'm gonna appreciate this opportunity ahead of me .. thinking about how far I've come; I know there's a purpose💜

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    My Picture Story

    I experienced child sexual abuse, among other things. I wanted to express what I go through trying to forever process things. Every day, hour, minute, second. I told my artist what my vision was. He took my words and designed the most beautiful piece.

    The beautiful angel is reaching down to help the wee girl at the bottom but a demon reaches out and grabs her by the elbow. The girl is trying to call out to the angel, but the demon covers her mouth so no one can hear her cries. Even though I'm healing and dealing with my disorders, this is my every day. My life.

    #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CocaineDependence #EmotionalAbuse #MentalHealth #MightyPets #SubstanceUseDisorders #Suicide #SuicideIdeation #SuicideSurvivors #Survivor

    9 reactions 1 comment

    Nighttime Anxiety and the Start of a Depressive Spiral?

    Nighttime wasn't a good time for me growing up because that's when a majority of the #SexualAbuse occurred. So I guess it makes sense to feel a sense of anxiety and apprehension before going to bed. My #PTSD also interferes with my sleep habits. Not to mention that I typically get up early any way. The nightmares and flashbacks that wake me up prevent me from feeling relaxed. I am on medication for the nightmares but they still happen. Also having #BipolarDisorder complicates my sleep cycle. When I'm manic I can't and don't want to sleep. When I'm depressed, that's all I want to do. I can't tell yet if I'm going into a depressed episode but so far I've had no energy and have been sleeping a lot more. I feel somewhat sad and down but not as bad as usual. Maybe I can work my way out of it before it gets worse. My fear is that I'll emotionally spiral which I try to prevent. Trauma memories lead to crying spells or they'll upset my #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder which causes me to overreact anyways. Living with three mental illnesses is absolutely draining. And it seems like all the therapy and medication can't control them sometimes. What can I do to better manage my mental health and get better sleep? I appreciate all of you and hope things are going well. I believe in you so thanks for believing in me. Stay safe and reach out for help if you need to.

    #Abuse #Survivor #Sleep #Nightmares #Flashbacks #Emotions

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    Are Hashtags Groups/Finding Groups

    I'm trying to find a couple groups that are my hashtags, but I cannot find them. Am I missing something? Any and all help is appreciated.

    #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CocaineDependence #EmotionalAbuse #MentalHealth #MightyPets #SubstanceUseDisorders #Suicide #SuicideIdeation #SuicideSurvivors #Survivor

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    The Demons Inside of Me

    My newest tattoo is an eye with a demon for the pupil. He's trying to claw his way out of my body, but he still hasn't left.

    #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CocaineDependence #EmotionalAbuse #MentalHealth #MightyPets #SubstanceUseDisorders #Suicide #SuicideIdeation #SuicideSurvivors #Survivor

    24 reactions 8 comments
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    #Abuse #Survivor and the #Withdrawl After Sharing Your #story

    True to my nature, I share candidly about my childhood and ongoing abuse. Being honest is not hard for me. However, remaining in contact with people is my weakness.

    As an example, I shared raw information about the abuse of my childhood, which has repercussions of ongoing control from the same abuser well into my adult life. This obnoxious toxic behavior is confronted whenever we engage in conversation. I “brush” it off, when I encounter it. However, the wounds of the past are evidently not healed because puss and decay fill the emotional scares that remain. How can they heal if the same manipulative controlling tendencies are continuously bruising the soul?

    Any thoughts on withdrawal when vulnerability is expressed, #TheMighty folks?

    Healing is occurring. But the social refrain from being vulnerable embarrassingly keeps me at a distance as if the childhood secret of esteeming the physical abuser, publicly, must remain behind closed doors to keep their reputation intact. I was the “clumsy one” when the scars were evident at school, church, or at the market. The abusive parent was honored for having to raise such a “clumsy” child. #ChildhoodAbuse #Reality

    2 reactions 2 comments

    Gaslighting #Gaslighting #EmotionalAbuse #Survivor

    So, I am completely devastated right now. My daughter is married to a significantly older man who enjoys voyeurism, and instead of being bothered by it, she willingly participates in it, and then, when he got bored of watching her, she moved me up to be with her and now she's convinced me that NOTHING IS GOING ON IN HER HOUSE, MOM. Even though, I stood on the back porch, crying and using American Sign Language (ASL), to get out all my stuff, and I begged for someone, anyone, to help me get proof that I could give my daughter, so she would know, that I was being injected with some kind of immobilizer and raped every night. She called me so many names, you can't believe, and then threw me out of her house and she has basically thrown me away, in a strange city, in a strange state. I feel like just throwing everything away that she's ever given me and getting all new stuff. I'm also terrified that she's turned me over to people who are much more dangerous than she is.

    3 reactions 2 comments
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    #Forgiveness And The #Abuse #Survivor

    Could folks share thoughts, practical ways, forgiveness can be extended to a parental figure who leveled various forms abuse on a child, for years.

    Christ has forgiven us for much. I definitely understand that. However, I cringe every time I hear people say “just forgive them.” I cannot grasp the practical ways this forgiveness IS extended.

    In my case, I do not hold anger towards my abuser. I speak with the person. However, their control is EVER PRESENT. And therefore the abuse is ever present. I have not stopped speaking to the person. But for my sanity and emotional health, I have to keep my distance from this person. Isn’t controlling another the same spirit that expresses this control in Shane based abuse?

    I appreciate your feedback, but without the typical “forgive them so you are not a prisoner.” I am seeking practical ways Christ-like forgiveness is extended to an unapologetic person who prefers to control a relationship. Thank you!

    #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ChildAbuse

    30 reactions 21 comments

    My skin hurts

    I've been having the weird deeply painful skin pain. From th we fibro. Ugh. I've been striving to stay positive the last few weeks. As much as possible. I hope everyone here is doing OK. Thanks for always being here. #Fibromyalgia #allodynia #ChronicPain #Survivor #Support #CPTSD

    5 reactions 4 comments