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I'm new here!

In the journey of life, every soul seeks to enrich its existence, weaving a tapestry of experiences, knowledge, and connections. My name resonates with the desire for growth and enlightenment. I am Jen, an ardent seeker of wisdom and empowerment. Through the labyrinth of existence, I embrace every tool and insight, cherishing the moments of sharing, learning, and evolving.
Life unfurls its mysteries through victories and losses, offering us glimpses of purpose and community. Each encounter, each lesson, whether gained or lost, contributes to the symphony of our existence. In the depths of our struggles, we often feel alone, grappling with battles we believe are uniquely ours. Yet, within the human experience, lies a paradox; while our paths are individual, our emotions, our quests, are shared.
It is amidst this shared human tapestry that platforms like this emerge as beacons of light. They offer sanctuary for the curious, the seekers, and the wanderers. Here, we find solace in the realization that our struggles, our triumphs, are threads woven into the fabric of a larger narrative—a narrative of community, empathy, and understanding.
As I stumbled upon this platform, my curiosity ignited like a flame in the dark. It beckoned me, promising a sanctuary where minds converge, ideas intertwine, and understanding blossoms. For in this digital agora, we transcend boundaries of time and space, forging connections that transcend the limitations of our mortal coils.
So, let us journey together, fellow seekers, as we navigate the labyrinth of existence. Let us share our stories, our wisdom, and our vulnerabilities, for it is in this communion of souls that we find the true essence of what it means to be human.

#MightyTogether #Recovery #ADHD #PTSD #onelove #MentalHealth #Survivor

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#Allergies #MentalHealth #Survivor

In the beginning when it first began. September 2022. Something had grabbed a hold of me & was having it merry way all up & through me. From head to toe & rapid pace. I could feel & see it but no one else claimed to either.

From the inside of my body out.

Talking bout really digging into my mental & standing firmly to my beliefs. Not allowing ANYONE TO DEHUMANIZE MY ESTEEM BEHIND THIS MEDICAL HORROR I WAS ACTUALLY LIVING.

(edited)
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I WON THE POETRY CONTEST 🎉🎉

I'm feeling so accomplished. I've never won anything in my entire life. So to win this, along with getting my poem published is huge for me. I'm turning my tragic story into a world of hope and inspiration. I'm finding my place in the world. I'm finally accomplishing my goal and my mission in life. I hope and pray by telling my story to the world that it's made a positive and significant difference to many lives around the world.

Coming from someone like myself, I have never believed in myself, nor did anyone in my childhood and teenage years. It was a very lonely feeling. I never knew my place in the world. But I didn't allow that to stop me. I kept pushing and pushing. I never gave up. And now look at me. I'm getting my story and all my hard work noticed, along with getting my poetry published and I won a poetry contest. So with that said, no matter what you've been through in life, never allow your past to define who you are. Keep believing in yourself! Don't allow what everyone else thinks of you to deter you from accomplishing your hopes and dreams in life!! Get your story out there and use it to impact lives all around the world.

I now know why God allowed such horrific things to happen to me. He knew and believed I would have the strength and courage to use my story as a way to help others, to be an inspiration to many around the world. He chose me. Yes granted what happened to me felt like I was living in hell but I rose above it, I used it for good. I always fall back on Romans 8:28 when I question why God allowed such horrific acts to fall upon me and defile my character and destroy my spirit. But when I read Romans 8:28, it makes complete sense. It says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

#Poetry #MentalHealth #Abuse #Survivor #strength #mystory

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a friend in the need of some support

I stumbled across this young man's YouTube video about losing his mom to suicide and feeling guilty by not speaking to her and seeing the signs. I looked at some of his other mental health videos and he is often attacked and being called gay and I found his fb and many people attack him for his mother's death. So I figured I'd post on her to get this young man some love and support.

youtu.be/oTCFc5Y9mGI

#bipolar #MentalHealth #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #SuicideLoss #SuicideLossSurvivor #Survivor #MentalHealthAwareness #BipolarDisorder

Suicide Prevention: My experience with talk saves lives

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Every Morning

Every morning I wake up and lately I have wanted to just scream and cry, but I can't. Do you ever feel like you are living the same day over and over again? It's like you wake up and think, "Seriously, didn't I just do this all yesterday?"

I imagine most non depressed/anxious individuals think or feel nothing when their alarm rings, and they proceed to start their day. My mother is one of them. She is awake and making breakfast at the same time early in the morning. She thrives on God, church, taking care of others and accomplishing her daily goals. She is happy inside of her bubble no matter what life throws at her.

I on the other hand feel doomed the minute I open my eyes. It's been a difficult 5 years. Before that, it was 10 years and before that I was hard at work in grad school.

Yes, that would make me about 38 years old. I also still live with my parents despite graduating top of my class in undergrad and doing everything in my power to live a relatively 'normal life'. You know, the American dream. The life with the house, car and 2.0.0.5 fur-babies. (Ok, they are fur babies in my book because I know I cannot handle children on top of my other various health conditions. I don't think any child or person should have to endure the hereditary suffering I have, but more on that later.) There is more to the story but let's just say there isn't a tsunami of crazy life that I have not encountered.

I wake up every morning already feeling the stress of the day not even knowing I am conscious. Lately, most days I wish I could sleep more, take a drive by myself or just watch Christmas movies bundled in a comfortable blanket. Some days I give myself permission to do this. Yoga and music are often another great escape during these stressful times.

However mostly, I have felt hopeless that life will continue to be me waking up to yesterday's issues. The rat race of life becomes faster and faster and I become slower and older.

In the words of "Jeezy" in one of his infamous songs "Soul Survivor" I find some comfort that I am not the only one living like this. I quote, "This ain't a rap song, n****, this is my life, And if the hood was a battlefield, then I'd earn stripes (Yeah)".

It's just another day. It's just another day, everyday, every morning.

#mentalhealth #Depression #Anxiety #hopelessness #struggle #tired #stressed #MentalIllness #Survivor #jeezy #soulsurvivor #americanlife #Normality

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More than a glimmering bow

A year ago, a birthday was almost far fetchedand almost not to been even seen. As I'd failed a suicide attempy a week before. Thank Goodness, I certainly did fail. A praise indeed! Even though with passive thoughts still peck away at me, I try to avoid them surely. As best as I can while I at times still weep. With a day between now and another birthday that's within sight, my deepest longing is to have true lifelong friends in my life. Please, may I have more than just one? # friendless, #friend support, #PTSD , # Spiritual and Religious Traumas, #Survivor of both conversion therapy

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You Dont Know Me

#traumasurvivor

In a land where all things look good and kept is a reality that something’s not quite right.

Enter the villain 🦹‍♀️ the Narcissist who married an Exho. Yet while the Echo was unaware the echo tried so many different things to make IT all work for the children and the spouse. Over the top adventures were agreed to reckless spending and debt was agreed to and in fact co signed the spouse’s University Student Debt.

All was good as long as the spouse was pleased and entertained. However the spouse would become board. Would even start to exhibit out of character behaviour and would go out with their so called friends staying out endlessly while the echo looked after the children.

Then the affairs and the echo would call out the Narcissist. The Narcissist would be confronted by family and would recline into a relationship with the echo again. The cycle continues yet the echo becomes more and more aware more and more watching absent and picks qualities from the narcissist to emulate.

Now there are two in the same house who’s placing their needs of self love over each other’s needs for one and other.

The bed grows cobwebs and there is no passionate connection only passive aggressive behaviour and malicious behaviour with manipulation. Everything is a game a dance of sorrows.

The children watch on as their parents transform from loving caring parents into separate souls who reject each other’s desires or needs.

This sounds horrible yet remember the echo has leaned. Agile and smart in order to survive. Abused neglected and abandoned by their spouse on a numerous occasions for affairs of fancy and inappropriate behaviour.

The echo unaware that the abuse was directed at them and the children becomes even more self aware. Therapy and counselling bring into the light the true situation. The echo sets limit’s expectations the narcissist plows over them the echo sets standards the narcissist prefers to do what they what when they want with who they want.

The echo mimics this behaviour the narcissist becomes unstable and physically aggressive with covert manipulation.

Long story short the echo becomes the villain based on the narcissist’s manipulation.

Now the victim becomes the villain and the divorce starts.

The victim and villain is treated well like the villain reinforcing the trauma and relationships traumas events CPTSD and other mental health related issues like suicidal ideation and dissociation.

The victim or villain becomes incarcerated only to find their true selves in the institution while recovering ❤️‍🩹 from the narcissist being separated from the narcissist and developing a sense of self reliance with spiritual growth.

The victim and villain returns to become the hero 🦸‍♀️

Not the hero to themselves no the echo is still growing underneath and realizing what has truly happened and why IT happened yet this person is not the same person that entry the institution. No this person is completely different. The hero is hero to observers and othe survivors. Becoming an inspiration and testimony to the people who come in contact with the survivor.

The survivor begins helping random strangers empowering their beliefs and self narratives to be self loving with compassion while healing ❤️‍🩹 in peer social and yes groups with others dealing with loved experiences.

The hero is no long an echo no the echo is now an emotionally awakened spiritual healer. Yet growing learning supporting and yes very much still recovering ❤️‍🩹.

This healer this shaman this foraged soul built in the depths of the despair is beyond comprehension to most and yet this story has a happy ending.

The hero continues their journey and helps others along the way while also developing healthy boundaries and relationships because they are now healthy and they now have self compassion for their own needs and the needs of thier children.

The book comes out and there are so many people that are touched by the story and illuminates other’s suffering that they begin to believe and become stronger than ever able to brake their own chains and set themselves free.

The story of one can effect others and empower others.

This is a true story name’s removed for protection.

If this story is happening or has happened to you or someone you are not alone.

You matter

You are important

You belong

You are valued

You are worthy

Please remember to be safe be well be loved 🥰 your worthy.

Don’t forget IT.

We hope this helps someone out there even just one. Don’t give up don’t give in don’t stop fighting. There are so many people depending on you.

You just haven’t met them yet or they haven’t read your store.

#LivedExperiance #Support #MentalHealth #Grief #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation #Survivor #DissociationDisorders #Healing #Recovery #restoration #Newlife #Empowerment #Hope #Joy #Love #peace #patience lots of patience.

Be well we hope this finds you well if you know someone struggling or suffering and situation, please help them. They don’t even know they need help.

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New Me?? *trigger warning*

I'm feeling a little down today. Nothing like usual, just a little off. Sometimes this happens before the shit hits the fan, so I'm anxiously anticipating that. I feel like I live in a pinball machine, bouncing off the walls and bumpers and glass, however, today I'm just slipping along the sides and avoiding all of the obstacles. It's not a very good analogy, but it makes the most sense to me. I am asking myself if this is 'regular' or 'level' ... I can't remember the last time I felt this way.

I started a new medication (both new to me, my p-doc, and to the market) about six weeks ago.The new med belongs to a group of drugs called an atypical antipsychotic that also has an antidepressant effect. For the first time in over 40 years, I haven't had suicidal ideation every single day! It took me a couple days to realize I hadn't thought about it and it really threw me off. You have to realize that that line of thinking has been my life. Every. Single. Day. It has always been my go-to; the only thing that I felt I had control over. My p-doc is astounded at how I've turned around. He decided to wean me off of the antidepressant I was currently on. I've noticed that I'm a little more snappy; my patience level has changed, though, for the better. I think I'm being shown that I can deal with my illness, and that it's time for me to put in a little mindfulness and being more conscious of my mood, and the ways I choose to deal with those feelings.

To put it in nutshell, I'm terrified that this is only going to be a quick fix, that it won't work, or that it will work but there's a HUGE crash coming. I'm just really afraid. I'm trying hard to stick to today and not give thought to tomorrow, but I can't just flip the switch that's been on for so long.

I really hope we're onto something here. It has been nice not to spend so much time thinking about and planning my demise.

Thank you for always listening. It's nice to have this community's support, understanding and sometimes a well-placed foot to the butt.

#Abuse #Addiction #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #ChildhoodAbuse #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #Depression #EmotionalAbuse #Hypomania #MentalHealth #MightyPets #neglect #OurSideOfSuicide #PTSD #Relationships #SubstanceUseDisorders #Suicide #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideIdeation #SuicideSurvivors #SuicidalThoughts #Suicidethoughts #Survivor #Trauma @dannygautamawellness

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