Been

I am new to this group; I'm am happy to know that I am not alone, yet sad that there are so many. I have #CPTSD from growing up with a father who was the epitome of the Dark Triad and a mother who was/is a high functioning alcoholic- only mean at night. I have only recently, 2 years now, cut my father out of my life- his lunacy having taking an extremely dark plunge. Since then, my mental and physical well-being #ChronicDailyHeadache   #ChronicFootPain   #BrainFog #chronicneckpain #Insomnia have taken a serious turn for the worse. What I thought was plantar fasciitis for the past ten years, well, isn't. In fact, it turns out all of my physical pain, for which I have seen so many doctors, most of which have been baffled, is caused by my own mind hating me   #CPTSD . I have run the gamut in sleep meds- there's nothing left to try  #Insomnia . Antidepressants #Been been on everything at least once since the age of 28 (I'm 44). There's nothing left. I have 3 wonderful children for whom I put on a brave face every day. I am living for them. I once again chose poorly in my spouse and am married to a man who does not understand me nor does he allow me any grace. He is a bit of a narcissist; how did I not see? Now I have step-children with issues to contend with, as well. Their mother is an alcoholic who is not in the picture except to call on occasion and guilt trip them when she is drunk. Thanks to me the youngest is now in therapy; my husband believes church to be the answer. Ugh, #lonely
It's still hard to accept that I belong on this planet; I do not know who I am. There's a 12 step program for everything, EVERYTHING! But nothing for CPTSD #Loneliness
I feel so pitiful writing this. I have many blessings. It's just hard to see through the fog. Oh! I #hatehashtags and I love any kind of witty humor #Seinfeld