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    #living with PAIN
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    # HELP with PAIN
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    The past keeps rearing up it's ugly head

    #living with PTSD sexual assault 25 years later. I was only seventeen it was my first day in a new neighborhood and they were the first people that I met besides the guy who helped us move. They didn't even live there but that didn't stop them from making sure that I was incapable of walking away. In the end I was able to Avoid them but that was because one of them took me back to his mom's house and his mom caught me in a " compromising" position with his brother. I was secretly glad when she threw me out because I didn't want to be in that situation in the first place. Yet I have never forgotten that feeling of being unsafe because the older brother wouldn't let me walk away. It still sometimes mystifies me how different these two young men actually were. The oldest was entitled the more I tried to pull him away the more he literally pulled me to him. Why did I go anywhere with him in the first place? I was afraid not to. There were two of them and only one of me. I was outnumbered. I was tiny back then. They were stronger 💪 than me overpowered and I guess that I was just not capable of pushing them away ( I have only one hand) no matter how hard I tried. The worst part for me was the fact that I was already nursing a broken 💔 heart and they literally said some of the same hurtful things that the person I once thought I was in love with had said to me. Every time I ever feel vulnerable or defenseless I usually despise the person that I think is trying to make me feel that way. I couldn't keep myself from crying most of the day.

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    #living with fnd # how are you all I hope you are all well and enjoying your life as much as you the weather is sunny 🌞 today where ever you are in the world 🌎 live life to the full have special memories enjoy your family when they are able to vist. . I’ve had fnd since 2020 now it’s been a journey I didn’t think I would ever get better I try so hard two work two days a week it feels like I’ve been to the jym when I get home but I feel like I’ve archived something to be proud of . I haven’t mastered passing yet I tend to over do things and then feel I’ll it’s hard but life is hard one big challenge you all take care keep smiling 🙂 and thinking 🤔 positive

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    Never Give Up

    Went hiking with my cousin this past weekend after a very trialing few weeks. Even had to call some of my support group for suicidal thoughts and anxieties that were sending me into a spiral. It’s true what they say, the best views come after the hardest climbs…the struggle was definitely real and I had to push myself, but it was so worth it! The whole climb! Never give up and always reach out because even though you may feel alone, you are not! # Never give up #Anxiety #you are not alone #SuicidalThoughts #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #living well


    living in a day dream

    I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and PTSD.

    As a child when trauma was occurring and when trying to "heal" from trauma i went into my head and created "fantasy" stories. The stories were always about a little girl who was experiencing severe trauma and somehow, someone would help her get beyond the trauma. Saving her,loving her etc...

    I can understand doing that as a child to help get through my childhood. But,they still occur and I am 56 years old. I feel like I should have other tools at this point than "fantasy " stories. Sometimes I live mostly in my head instead of being present. I have tried writing them as a story to try to get them out of my head . But instead, they become more detailed, more elaborate and I can't stop going there as it is comforting. Yes I meditate and try staying present, I have a great therapist,DR. family friends support. And my life is traumas no worries. The stories however pull me in. Does this happen to anyone else?

    #living in a Day dream.



    #living with ex...I am not doing the best job and I am frustrated

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    Reminding myself to share happy moments too, because they are what keep me going…

    Today I sit here watching my three year old favorite little guy swing on his new swing set with absolute joy on his face. All while my new baby sleeps, dreams, and drools away on my shoulder after feeding her. I feel this sense of sheer joy in my heart. I feel at peace. I, the anxious being I am feel calm. I feel love in its entirety. Then It occurs to me.. I’ve never felt this before. I’ve never felt sheer joy that comes from what It means to be part of a family until I had children. Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing husband who is the love of my life and is an absolutely amazing father and has brought me joy. But not like this. Not like the one that comes from listening to two little feet run down the hallway at the crack of dawn. Or that comes from hearing my 3 year old sing his abcs, old McDonald, Itsy bitsy spider, and twinkle twinkle little star every single night of the week in his sweet little voice that shows me he can really hit those high notes. Or the one that comes from my babies wrapping their tiny little arms as far as they can around my neck. This my friend is living my best life. Sure I’m not traveling the world, at a beach, or being adventurous on a safari. But these two littles are my adventure, they bring an unexplainable love that fills my once broken heart and weaves its way through gently sewing all those cracks up making it whole again. They my friend are what living really is, they are what unconditional love really is, and they are what God had planned all along for me. Thank you so much God for my children, thank you for making me a mom, thank you for showing me what love really is. #Anxiety #Depression #Suicide #Happiness #living #Surviving #motherhoodsavedme #mykidsdeservebetterthanIhad

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    Live hack

    The purpose of our lives is to be happy #Life #living #Tips #Together


    Where is the finish line?

    There's always a sentence, a song, a movie, anything... that makes me scared of dying. Even the times that voice tells me I shouldn't be alive, I am terrified of a day I won't be able to control it. I ask myself if I trust myself enough that day or I should try to be around people to distract my mind (and be watched... Just in case). I'm so terrified I'm going to die before I have the chance to live.

    And then I think that my chance is now but every time I think I have enough energy to do it, it slips through my hands. Even the times I did have energy I didn't really live. So I blame myself for the lost time.

    I feel like my whole life slips through my hands and it's all's my fault. I feel so guilty and unappreciative and it makes me hate myself even more.

    I don't remember how to live and I just wait for the memory to come back but what if it doesn't? #Depression #SuicidalThoughts #living #Selfhate #MightyTogether