The past keeps rearing up it's ugly head
#living with PTSD sexual assault 25 years later. I was only seventeen it was my first day in a new neighborhood and they were the first people that I met besides the guy who helped us move. They didn't even live there but that didn't stop them from making sure that I was incapable of walking away. In the end I was able to Avoid them but that was because one of them took me back to his mom's house and his mom caught me in a " compromising" position with his brother. I was secretly glad when she threw me out because I didn't want to be in that situation in the first place. Yet I have never forgotten that feeling of being unsafe because the older brother wouldn't let me walk away. It still sometimes mystifies me how different these two young men actually were. The oldest was entitled the more I tried to pull him away the more he literally pulled me to him. Why did I go anywhere with him in the first place? I was afraid not to. There were two of them and only one of me. I was outnumbered. I was tiny back then. They were stronger 💪 than me overpowered and I guess that I was just not capable of pushing them away ( I have only one hand) no matter how hard I tried. The worst part for me was the fact that I was already nursing a broken 💔 heart and they literally said some of the same hurtful things that the person I once thought I was in love with had said to me. Every time I ever feel vulnerable or defenseless I usually despise the person that I think is trying to make me feel that way. I couldn't keep myself from crying most of the day.