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My babies

My boys were taken from me by their monster of a father and he’s been keeping them from me. I fought for so long to try and get them back but my circumstances prevented me from getting them and now I know I can’t fight for them bc my current bf(or whatever title he wants to put) is an addict and is not a good environment for my babies. But it hurts bc I know he’s putting crazy stuff in their in their precious minds about mommy. He actually told them that the reason I left him in 2014 was bc I was abusing him n abusing drugs and he asked me to leave but the real reason was it was the first time that he put his hands on me in front of the boys and I told myself “HELL NO!” After years of emotional, verbal and sexual abuse that was the last straw. N now I thought I finally met the man of my dreams but here I am a year later wishing I had somewhere to go so I could leave this guy. My family won’t help n take me in temporarily, no friends to help me get out, so I’m stuck with this guy, that I don’t want my kids around, until I save enough for my own place. I wish there was something I could do to leave now. I can’t handle the emotional abuse anymore! This is taking a big toll on my mental health and thanks to my bpd things r not greeting any better. I miss my babies so much. #parentalalienation #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ineedtoleavehim #Broke #brokenmom

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Self Worth vs Broken

In all the things I want to say about being young and wanting a partner… Its never a good idea to fall, too quickly for someone. This was my personal MO …. Always falling fast and hard BUT had to be a BANG going in- and coming out-...tsk tsk tsk.
To a young woman…. there’s a strong longing to be held, protected, & loved when we feel broken…  sometimes feel more broken than not, as all of the thoughts of oneself are created of scrutiny and eventually mutilated by society… leading men to image.
The image of self when young, is cloudy. Our image is only film of what we are. Image is a burden unless accompanied by a positive perspective, and a gift when it is. Its with positive perspective that you can reflect back and have a clarity of what the real image was. Self worth is what we are missing inside, to love ourselves, much less someone else.  
When you give it some perspective we really shouldn’t be spending more than half our entire lives sexually active…nonetheless we do.  We go running into the arms of the one your parents most despise, we test the strength of “love” by placing expectations to feel a certain way when with someone, Until a young woman realizes her self worth – she will always- no matter the age, be at the mercy of running into a mans arms, for all the wrong reasons.
Some real advice, You wont know a person until much later than months ...even a year.  Your body is a shrine… be careful & take care of it…. No need for unwanted clinic visits and the embarrassment of getting a std med filled, or worse calling to schedule an abortion, or loosing another part of your “young world” to becoming a person in the hardest position …being a mom. That’s an eternal Job – don’t forget that when you think its ok to have a baby with practically a stranger.……
My trauma, your trauma, vice versa. We seem to be broken in unity.  I am 40. My daughter 20. It happens still, since she was a teen.  My trauma my actions and my life were not healthy to say the least, mental illness, wreck less behavior, emotionally unstable, multiple children -yet single, I am not innocent.  
She is the living proof, that I am living truth…
If young women would take the time to open their eyes to the hidden agendas, the fake charm, and the raw intentions…. There would be less kids growing up broken.
Now I need to fix me, to help my youngest, to not feel broken by the time she reaches 20.
#Selfworth #Trauma #brokenmom #livingtruth #proof #mom