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Because he died I have to live, and I don’t mean I can not die I mean I have to live every day knowing I want to die. I have to continue to put one foot in front of the other regardless of how impossibly hard it is to do, there is no other option than to be strong and keep going.
I can’t tell you how many times I have wished it was me, how many silent prayers to take me instead that I have said.
You see no parent should burry a child, no parent should out live there child. And I’d be damned if I’d make my parents do it twice, they deserve better than that. So I struggle to continue day in and day out, I draw my next breath wishing I wasn’t and praying that it all ends soon. Except I can’t send that prayer off because at my own hand or at the hands of anything else my death is still something I can not allow to happen.
Because he died I must live. And the hardest part of all is that merely surviving is not enough, the guilt I feel for not living and loving my life is insane. That I take each day as a burden rather than a precious gift is disgusting, trust me if I could fix me I would have done it years ago. However I will always put one foot in front of the other because he died.
I wish I could have made him proud, I wish I could make everyone proud. But I simply can not at this point in time do anything more than survive. Some days I catch myself praying to get past this and be whole, but little do you realise that when god called you home you took far too much of me with you. From the moment those words left his lips that you were gone I’ve resented him, in that moment time stood still. Sometimes I wonder if it has begun to move again, so much of me is broken now.
I lost my brother and my best friend, and I struggle every damn day to live since. He had no say in his fate, yet here I am silently wishing and praying I wasn’t here. I don’t feel like I will ever be “ok” again.
I am 22 years old and completely financially independent. I pay for my own school, bills, car, and home out of pocket and I work full time and go to school full time. It is getting to the point where I can't even afford to eat 3 meals a day. When I vent to my peers most of them just say I should be saving more and that I should be able to afford everything since I work so much, but that is not the case. I feel like I can't afford school anymore but I am worried that without a degree I may never get out of this money situation I am in. How do I manage this stress?
My anxiety is so high at the moment. I have no job, my phone company is constantly onto me about my phone bill which it’s gone up so high and I’ve no money to pay it off. I’m scared to ask anybody that I know for help. If I felt I could ask somebody I would because I’d pay it back but I’m to scared to ask because I know I’ll be shouted at.
I don’t know what to do I’m so desperate and I need it paid off this month. Does anybody here have any ideas on anything I can do because I’m struggling to get a job, I’m not even in the right headspace to work but I’m absolutely desperate so if anybody has any ideas on something I could do I would appreciate it. Just in case somebody tries to accuse me of being a scammer just for mentioning money because it happens a lot online I’m not a scammer and I’m not asking for money I’m just simply asking for ideas on how to make money fast because I’m desperate and don’t know what to do 😞😞
So I have maybe a week to find a job. Before I can’t find afford rent, food, water and power.
My flatmates know I’m broke, but like I have $230 TO MY NAME.
I feel like such a failure at life.
And I am retiring to study next week, which means, textbooks, bus fares, and everything and anything else that comes with study. #study #Broke #money #MentalHealth
My city has been in Lockdown for 150 days now. we have not had much social interaction with anyone. My business has been forcibly shut down since that long. I have had zero income coming in and a family of 3 to feed. We have no social security in our country so no help from govt either.
I have been very positive about everything in these last 4 months but I am slowly starting to spiral into a depression. Nothing major at the moment but just feeling a bit overwhelmed. Cant wait for my business to start up again. In the meanwhile, I have been writing a blog in order to keep myself creative and busy, but it seems that either I just write shit posts or nobody is interested in what I have to share.
To top it off, all of my electronic equipment has decided to conk off just during this time just to add to my woes (1 laptop, 1 desktop computer, my washing machine, and just now my TV) . . .sometimes i just feel like the universe is just out to get me. I know that I am wrong and I know that i will bounce back pretty soon, I just hope I get some relief quick.
Sorry that I am venting here but just thought that if i dont get this off my chest i might just explode
I haven't seemed to sleep....Everytime I close my eyes...he is there with me.... I've been depressed and sleep deprived.. He use to scare the Shit out of me and he Broke me... I've been understanding...but Not giving myself time to #process it all... I remember to the nights of pleading and begging you to stay... I felt like an Orphan and lost puppy all at once... My heart cried, I died....so many times....over and over....
Now I'm #Broke #Broken 💔 BEYOND REPAIR... and its going to take time.... to Heal this Open Wound... 🖤🖤🖤🖤
Stressed to the max
Lost my father on the 31st of March. He lived in a different province so I couldn't / can't go & take care of things. He didn't leave any instructions or a will. I'm on a fixed income (less than $650/mth) & don't have a clue how to get through all this crap. I am so tired & stressed. Truly hate my life. #Broke #depressed #Death #Family