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The Unknown #Migraine #ChronicMigraines #Anxiety #Sideeffect
It's 1:33 a.m. on a Sunday where I live. I'm getting in bed rather remarkably late for me. I've been trying to calm myself during a Prodrome flare of "mania" that seems to be a new way my body has decided to let me know that pain and agony are on their way. Instead of fighting it too hard, tonight, I just tried to wait until I felt sleepy. That part seems to have worked. YAY! Unfortunately, it would appear that the headache part is beginning.
As of yet, the headache pain is not that severe. Also unfortunately, my newest and easily least favorite side effect is in fine form tonight. Like so many, I struggle with depression and anxiety. My doctor says this is sort of like a form of aura and that while I should monitor it closely, there is nothing particularly abnormal present. But it freaks me right out. I can feel when it begins, because for a moment it feels like there's someone behind me. After a little more time has passed, sometimes I'll see something out of the corner of my eye (akin to my usual visual aura.) It's remarkably like what I remember experiencing as a little girl when I was so terrified of the dark. These days I love the dark, which is a good thing, except for these random moments. When Prodrome is just beginning to fade into the actual attack phase. I can feel the sadness, depression, and anxiety all balled up...as if they are what I can sense around me, stalking me through my house. Things that feel almost impossible to truly escape in the suddeness of the moment.
And, perhaps, that is what it is that I'm sensing. I know there's no intruder and I know I'm safe in this house (or as safe as I am anywhere.) I am fortunate to have a place where I don't have to sleep with one eye open. But we can't escape ourselves. My anxiety, depression, and fears...those are all as much a part of me and what's made me as are my hopes, dreams, aspirations, and loves. If only I could figure out a way to project the positive emotions in such a way that they could distract whatever negativity it is that my mind/body seem determined to alert me to! And thank GOODNESS for pets! Tonight would have been really awful if I didn't have my old lady cat and my lovable "chonky"dog right next to me. My pupper, especially, always seems to know when I need a little extra support.
I'm very curious to learn if anyone else has ever experienced this strange sensation, or something similar! It began for me just before my last birthday so I wonder if it's a hormone thing? If you deal with this, how do you make it work? Luckily, my triptan actually makes the feelings go away as it's helping the headache! #CaninesComfort #Catsforcomfort #prodrome #Migraine
