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Feeling racked #ChronicIllnessEDS #ConnectiveTissueDisease

It was a normal day I thought, I helped my sister put down some solar lights, I carried a rocking chair across the back yard, then mixed about 3lbs of hamburger meat, and pattied it out for hamburgers.

I'm feeling completely exhausted, but accomplished. Long story short, the extra pain, more than normal starts when I lie down. No sleep is to be had. It's even more severe than normal...when I wake, I can't bend my fingers, it feels like my wrists are broken. When I try to roll over to get up, my hip and shoulder come out. The tears are in my eyes because its different this time, way worse than it has been in a while.

Once I'm able to get up, I grab the crutch I keep beside my bed, but I can't hold it like normal, because my hand won't grip, so I slide my thumb through the handle. My knees feel like they're going to fold backwards, my toes feel broke, arch of my foot feels collapsed, and like someone had a blanket party on my torso all night.

My wrist and fingers are swollen so bad they won't bend, my feet burning, with sporadic sharp burning pains hitting every part of my body. I realize I can't make it down the hall to the mom sees me and starts crying. Makes my heart start hurting as well.

Its been 6 days, and I'm still in bed. Was finally able to move enough to take a shower yesterday, but it flared my hands and shoulders up worse...but hey, I'm clean!

Who would've ever thought mixing hamburger meat, or the other simple tasks could sprain my hands, and destroy body like this, for this long.
I lie here wondering if this is it, what I've dreaded for years, will I not see or feel another decent day? I keep my faith in God because through him all things are possible! If he brings you to it, he'll bring you through it! Stay strong warriors!

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What is wrong with me?

For a long time, I have asked myself the above question. "What is wrong with me?" I could see that I was different from other people through simple observation. I tried to change myself to meet nebulous standards.

Several years ago, I starting blaming my disorders, diseases, and syndromes for everything. I began to see myself as the diagnoses. I felt like there was no point in trying to change because I would always be "the other."

Then, all of a sudden, three years ago, my diagnoses all changed, which prompted an identity crisis. This made me doubt doctors and constantly double-check their work in order to hold them accountable. I wanted, needed to find the cause so I could fix it.

Now I am working on accepting myself--the DNA and environment that created me. I learn new skills to help protect myself and manage symptoms.

Next, I want to be able to trust my intuition. For 30 years I have listened to "authorities" who convinced me I didn't know what I'm talking about.

There is nothing wrong with me. I hold the answers.

#Anxiety #ConnectiveTissueDisease #Autistic #OCD #MentalIllness #ehlerdanlossyndrome #medicalgaslighting