Wrecked and ruined, wretched and devastated…much of my past was such and most of my life is gone. The circumstances sapping me of all energy, enthusiasm, excitement seems to be only getting worse…i’m so scared and overwhelmed… I feel so horribly fearful that even a little of my corporeal self i bring to bear to this world, i would invite some further catastrophe…Try as i might not to think of my past, the continuing litany of misery, loss and loneliness in the present as well, makes it so hollow to be future enthused. Find no meaning in the present and certainly so scared of the future which i expect only to be more painful, incapacitating, and terrifyingly lonely. I still manage to do my yoga and deep breathe but nothing seems to work. Guess the effect of my anti depressants are also wearing off.

The worse part is i have no one with whom i can share and talk about all this. none. Few know how to deal with depressed people, and since everyone talks about living in positivity, vibes of discomfort and so called negativity are to be avoided…in such a sense i feel they are the ones to be avoided lest i feel even more disgusted.
I have shared my life story before and it’s been a life gone terribly wrong…
A sense of catatonia alters with desperate urge to end my life…#deeplydisturbed #Depression #Anxiety #Loneliness #SuicidalThoughts