Back pain #ChronicIllness #Arthritis #SpinalStenosis #Fibromyalgia #Degentertivediskdisease #NeuropathyHereditary #Demylination #Spoonie
I wish I was normal, whatever that is. It’s so hard to keep pushing, when your body is telling you to slow down. Your mind is racing, you can’t stop the thoughts. I would be more approachable if I didn’t have resting pain face. I hide it so well that a lot of people don’t know the truth. The truth is, my spine is deteriorating and there’s nothing I can do to make it better. I can take meds, do stretches, but it still feels like my back is broken. Shattered into tiny pieces that make up my spine. There’s no such thing as comfortable when you have a sharp, shooting, gnawing pain that is now making your legs go numb. I’ve told my doctors but they say I’m too young for surgery. I think now is the perfect time, my body is still young enough to heal! I can’t stand up straight, I can’t even stand up to shower. I feel like an Emmy Award Winner with he show I put on day in and day out. The smile on my face that never fades, bc I don’t want my friends and family to leave me alone and to deal with this pain alone. I also don’t want certain people to tell me nothing is wrong, when clearly something isn’t right. I’m hoping for some sleep tonight, and that my pain killers get filled tomorrow. Popping meds like skittles isn’t ideal, but if you have no other solution for me, I will take them until the pain goes away. Thank you Big Pharma for making me a drug addict at the age of 13. I’m now 30 and I know these meds have taken a toll on my health, but there’s only so much I can do on my own. I feel like a burden on those I love. I feel like a liar every time someone asks how I’m doing. But I know you don’t care enough to know the whole story. I let you know what I want you to know and nothing further.