I am a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, mental, and emotional abuse by an older brother and an older neighbor boy. I blocked out the abuse for many years, as it was too traumatic for me to cope with.
When I was in my mid thirties I started having nightmares and flashbacks that were very scary and hard for me to understand. I was married and a Mother of three children. Then something happened in my life that triggered my memories to come flooding back. It was devastating! I confided in my husband and eventually in one of my ministers and his wife, who were also long time close friends. My minister/friend suggested that I tell someone in my large family. I chose my brother who was 2 years younger than me. When I told him, I learned that he had been molested by the same two people, but not for as many years or as many times or to the extent that I had been. I knew that they were mean to him, because there were times that we both suffered physical harm from them at the same time. They also had hung my kitten in our barnloft and hit it with a board and made me watch. They told me if I told on them about anything they did to me that they would do the same thing to me and our little brother. I did not know it at the time, but learned later that our little brother was hiding behind bales of hay and saw the whole thing. Our Mom was always very ill, having several strokes from a young age. We were always told to not do anything to upset our Mom. So my molesters constantly told me that if my Mom found out what was happening she would have a stroke and possibly die and we 7 children would end up in an orphanage or foster homes and I would be to blame. Being a child, I believed them. I eventually had a total break down a few months after I started remembering my childhood. I was hospitalized for a couple of weeks. I went through therapy for three years. I have been on anti-depression medications ever since, changing every now and then when one stops working. I am now 70 years old. Nothing is a cure all. I still suffer from acute anxiety, depression, PTSD, Insomnia , and I have had horrible Migraines since I was 3 years of age. I have developed many serious health conditions and have come close to death a few times.
But I am proud to say I am a survivor of at least 6 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional, and mental abuse.
If I could give any advice to a child going through any abuse, I would say, "Do not believe your abusers' lies. Go to some trusted adult. Tell them what is happening to you after the first time you are abused. And if you can get away, kick, scream, bite, and run. I wish that I had not been so afraid and had told on my abusers." Fear is a terrible thing. But I am a survivor!
#Anxiety #depressoin #PTSD #Insomnia #Survivor #childhoodsexualabusesurvivor