(Sorry if this post doesn't belong here)
Sinnce June this year I've been an emotional Richter scale (even more than before June)I had some of the best moments I'll ever have in my life and some of the worst. What came of all this was I was officially diagnosed with borderline personality.
Up until June I was on several depression, anxiety, pain management, insomnia, antipsychotic, and nerve pain meds. Abruptly in June all my meds stopped refilling due to a "clerical typo" on the insurance's side. Obviously I went into BAD withdrawals.
In August I was put on to one prescription for anxiety at a midocre dose with no follow up DR appt for 2 months. I was FAR from stable-ish.
Also in August I met someone incredible. We were like twins and we built each other up. She convinced me she wasn't going anywhere. So I took down my walls. She started to help me be "ok" with being ...me. I ALMOST started to like myself.
Longs story abbreviated (a little)..... She broke my heart twice. I tried to end myself twice. Ended up in a behavioral "hospital". All they did was prescribe a bunch of medication without asking me any questions.
I got out 10 days later.
I have lost interest in all my hobbies, likes, ... Essentially everything that I felt defined me as "me" I don't like anymore because I had associated it all with her. This all probably sounds very foolish but it wasn't. I have never felt that way about anyone before. I'm certain I never will again. I have come to terms that I'll be alone. I know who I'm supposed to be with ... and she is with the person she's supposed to be with.
I finally met with a therapist and a psychiatrist. That's when I was diagnosed with BPD. Up until then I knew I had CPTSD, circadian sleep disorder, anxiety depression etc etc.
Now I'm dealing with weekly medication adjustments, trying to reinvent myself, and... Just trying to exist.
(I really didn't mean to rant. Sorry) #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicPain
Latest
5 reactions 
