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    i think i need a therapist....

    i have so much crap that i need to deal with.... but idk. therapy is expensive af and basically my friends left me.... i pretty much have one i can rely on. toxic mom...
    at least i’m eating but not enough, that’s for sure. i lose my appetite when i’m in a depressive mood. big time.
    i’m all over the board.
    haven’t told anyone this yet but thanks for the bloddy nose last night mom.
    #ADHD #toxicparents #deptession

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    Releasing a Lifetime of Pain

    I’ve been a victim for so long .

    Last night was great I can’t remember when I laughed so much. Then when we were heading back to the car I just broke down and sob uncontrollably .

    For the first time I felt worthy. I didn’t feel like a nobody, I felt valued as a person and felt accepted for the person I am, most of all for the first time in my life I felt that I was worthy of being loved.

    I couldn’t even drive home, even though my partner had three or for drinks he drove home . We live only about two minutes from the boat club where we had been .

    Came home still sobbing I couldn’t even say any words just laid down and he just held me the last thing I remember him saying to me before I fell asleep from exhaustion was let me be your strength.

    I’m not going to be a victim anymore I’m going to start on the path to becoming a survivor I have suffered in silence for to long. I never want to go back to being in my own little bubble.

    Could the uncrontrollabkr sobbing been the start of releasing of the emotional pain I have carried for so long.

    I know it’s not the depression cause I feel like my spirit and soul are starting to see light and not darkness

    Love Jules❤️
    #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #deptession #Anxiety #SuicidalThoughts #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #Trauma #ChronicPain #Neuropathy