I feel so tired all the time, I feel like a bad mother for not being able to play with my daughter normally. What do you do that helps you have a good time with your kids, even when you are on a bad pain day? #Endometriosis #Parenting #Disabledparent
Hi everyone. I have been a secret Mighty stalker for years. I have read many stories and thoughts which have helped me through some tough times and have enjoyed the feeling of knowing that I AM NOT ALONE, I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE feeling this way. After months of humming and hawing about putting pen to paper (or finger to key) to share my most inner thoughts and feelings I eventually began to write my first story. I am extremely proud to say my story is going to be published soon and I will now be a Mighty contributor. Selfishly I am excited to explore my venerability through my writing as I find this really helps me mentally. I am also hoping that my contributions will lead to others finding peace with their conditions and emotions, this is not something I have ever experienced as I have no one who can relate to how my life is impacted by health issues. What you can expect from me is brutal honesty; I am not scared to talk about the macabre. I do in time hope to bring some humour to my writing as lets face it we all need a little giggle now and then. Thank you for taking your time to read my thought, I hope this leads to you reading my story once it is published and I am sitting on tenterhooks for the response I receive. #ChronicPain #BackPain #ChiariMalformation #ChronicIllness #InvisibleDisability #younganddisabled #Disabledparent
The first thing I need you to know is that you are still ENOUGH. Not only as a parent, but as a person. Sometimes it is easy to forget that notion. Particularly, if you used to be accomplished in some field of work, or felt accomplished more so as a parent before your disability.
Not only that, your children not only admire you as much - they admire you even more. You are an inspiration. Yes, you may not be able to push them on the swings anymore. I know how heartbreaking this can feel. You may not be able to ride bikes alongside them, or kick a ball with them, BUT they get to see their own parent be an actual fighter- and a survivor. They know that despite your treatments, despite your pain, you still give them all the love they need. You still struggle every day with all your might- to read them that book at night, to give them extra hugs and kisses, to cuddle on the couch and watch too many kids movies to count- for them.
They see you struggle too. They feel your pain. I know this hurts you. But this is the reality of life for everyone. They may have to learn this at a younger age than we would ever have liked, but they also get to learn from you that everything passes. We all have good days and bad days. We teach them that there are no obstacles that cannot be faced with courage and hope.
Our children watch us... all the time. These are valuable life lessons that we get to impart in them by living our best (disabled) life; by taking all the bad and making the best of it - because that is all we can do. That is all any parent can do.
As a parent, before I was disabled, I was always told, parents do the best they can with what they have - disabled or not. Here’s the kicker - as a now disabled parent, I’ve discovered, and I hope you will too, we all have a two choices in life- disabled or not. Do we look and choose to focus on the good and fight like hell for that? Or do we fall into pessimism and defeat?
I did not learn these lessons and have this hope for myself as a disabled parent overnight.
It took years of inner turmoil and struggle to reach this acceptance Eventually, through watching my children grow, and seeing inner strength flourish within them, taught this “disabled” parent that even if I can no longer kick a ball with my kids, or push them on a swing, I get to do something so much more important now. I get to instill in them that despite life’s crazy circumstances, despite sadness and sickness and bad feelings, you never give up and you ALWAYS focus on the most important thing... and that thing of course is love. So in some ways parents, we may be the lucky ones. ❤️
With love and support,
Sarah Andrews
Stiff Person Syndrome, Sjorgren’s, Lupus
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