EmptinessIsHeavy

I live in Mexico. Last year I was in rehab due to BPD and binge eating disorder. It’s been 5 months now that I’ve been in recovery and today I feel like I relapsed into depression. I’m eating way too much out of anxiety and I don’t find the motivation to live anymore. I’m so scared of this disease taking over me, I skipped my therapists appointment tonight and lied about it, I used my therapy money on food binges and I haven’t been eating healthy for the past 2 weeks. I’m going into previous bad habits that could slowly kill me. I should be thankful to be alive but somehow I’m just numb. I’m surviving, not living, and I feel like I’ll never be happy again. I’m scared to socialize, that I’ll be boring to my friends, I don’t even know how to talk to them anymore, I feel like I’m faking it, just being someone they want me to be. Even though I go to a 12 step group Overeaters Anonymous, I’m so in denial that I feel it isn’t working because I’m too fucking stubborn to change.

Can anyone give me some motivation to change my mindset, please 🖤 #desperateforhelp #cryforhelp #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Overeating #bed #Loneliness #EmptinessIsHeavy