hopeless

So it finally just hit me like a tonne of bricks and has suck I’m that I will NEVER BE HIS PRIORITY!
His cars and every other cunt out there are his priorities. I’ve been by his side for 30 fucking years and I still can’t be said to be a priority.
He can plan a weekend away (and take annual leave) in the drop of a hat but can’t organise or get leave to take me on a fucking weekend away. NEVER EVER EVER🤬😭😭
I’ve just realised that it’s never gonna change so why the fuck I even here?! I don’t want my kids having a broken home. I love him so so fucking much!😭😭
WHY THE FUCK CANT I BE HIS PRIORITY!!!! God damn even just one time. We’ve been one time and only bc I PAID FOR IT ALL!!
He only agreed to come bc I told him I’d go without him. Basically he went out of obligation….not bc he wanted to be with me. Fuck I just want a few days; is that too much to fucking ask😩😭.
He’s left me behind all these years and goes and does whatever the fuck he wants but can’t commit to a few days away with me….ME the stupid cunt that’s had his back and loved, cared and looked after him for all these years. Now the kids are grown id always thought that this was when I’d get MY TIME with HIM!
I’ve literally waited all these years believing that when the kids were grown I’d finally have my time with him. Well it turns out I’m just a dumb cunt bc I’ve been waiting for absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.
I literally can’t put into words how sad this has made me and honestly if it’s not gonna happen now then I need to have a serious think about a lot of things. I’m so fucking hurt I feel destroyed and hopeless.
I’m fucking heartbroken

12 years of marriage, 5years of relationship in total have known this person for whole of 17 years. And myself for 33 years now. And i feel I don't know muself. I'm so broken and hurt he's made me so lonely. And so torn inside. No trust no love. All compromises. And. Hoplessness. I feel so disgusted of myself. I have 3 beautiful kids last one is a 50days old baby. She was unplanned angel. Came into our life maybe for a reason. U have started to realise who's true and who's not after being mother for 3 rd time realising who's faking love 😣 I'm so hurt inside I have no one to express my feelings with. . So so lonely and depressed sometimes just wana end this life or run of somewhere where no one knows anything of me. 😭 then I think of my little ones ns pause and turn back around to this life full off depression and pain. 😢😢😢😢😢#helplesss #hopeless #lonely #Depression #Anxiety

This past June 2022 I lost my most loyal best friend who was with me, encouraging and lifting me each day to do better and be better.
She was the most perfectly imperfect dog, with special needs herself due to trauma and we made it through 13yrs and 2months. She jogged with me up to two days before losing the ability to hold herself up sitting and having seizures hourly.
I have treatment resistant Major depression GAD social anxiety ADD and not in the best environment for recovery and growth.

SHE was all I needed. She loved me unconditionally even when I could not bare to get out of bed.
I began TMS treatment in 2020 and have had 3 treatments 36 sessions each.
I must have tried every medicine available over a decade and on absurd amounts bc nothing helped.

The TMS allowed me to lower one of my highest main antidepressants by half which was a miracle.
My Angelpup was my reason to keep going. I wanted to give her the best I could give and coming home after treatment seeing kissing loving her was all I needed to get through the day.

I have now been without a dog since June 2022 and I’m barely holding on. I wake up and my Heart feels painfully empty.
I reside with family for the last decade and they were not interested in educating themselves on mental health to understand me.

My only Mercy over these tormented years was my pup.
My environment contributes negatively to my mental health but I cannot escape it.

I was let go from 2 different jobs after two years with each of them bc I couldn’t keep up when my emotions were running the show.
I am a HSP (highly sensitive person) check out the documentary on Amazon prime video on The Untold story of HSP. Gives incredible insight.

People I reside with see nothing wrong with my physical appearance or suggest disability or struggle, therefore they believe I’m riding the gravy train, being lazy and intentionally unproductively sad all the time.

Now that I’m alone (no dog, no husband, no children, no career, no gift or talent skill that could help me support myself).
I am truly alone.

These family landlords decided dogs would no longer be allowed. (Bc they want me so uncomfortable that I leave to go anywhere that won’t reflect shame on the family.)

My pup was the only certainty of love unconditionally in my life without judgement.
I don’t know if visiting the SPCA is enough anymore bc I cannot keep or connect bond with dogs I can not take home.
I have no income bc mental health has sabotaged any attempts I made to work.
I’m barely hanging on now. I wake up and have no Heart to put into improving my life bc without a partner- specifically a dog.
I am so alone and my Heartbeat was meant to be in sync with another heartbeat.
She got me out of bed exercise martial arts walking yoga etc but without her by my side I haven’t been doing selfcare.
I try to be invisible bc those without understanding of mental health conditions are always negative and feels like being beat down.

Dogs are our direct connection to God’s unconditional love on earth and without that bond I am lost and disappearing.

How do I break out of this circumstance to be able to bond with a dog for inspiration and courage when the home owners will not allow another dog bc they want me to leave and will not make any accommodations that I need for my mental health?
I’ve never been so alone feeling unloved and unwanted in my life.
I’ve been searching for work, gone on interviews, enlisted the help of the MHA mental health association and see a wonderful therapist that without her and my dog I would not be alive today.
I need an emotional support pet ESP and have hit a dead end of options.
Does anyone know of any legit remote work to refer?
Does anyone know where to get a dog for low or no cost to adopt or foster?
I just need a canine to have a Glimmer of Hope to keep going.
I’m also looking for “my people” or “my tribe”. I Hope the Mighty can be my tribe/people.

Does anyone have any suggestions, words or ideas for encouragement that can help me manage my health conditions with no support and most vitally get a dog?

Are there programs of any kind for job training placement, placement of an ESP and anyone with depression living their best life what advice would you give?

#Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #EmotionalSupportAnimal #Empowerment #GettingHelp #EmotionalSupportDog #TherapyDog #dog #Anxiety #hopeless #MentalHealth #MentalHealthDays #Loneliness #help #HowTo #MajorDepression #SituationalDepression

How do you cope when it is ALL coming at you at once? I was once a very independent, successful, super type A, corporate America gal who was so capable. Three chronic illnesses later I am exhausted, always battling brain fog, and my past coping mechanisms no longer work. Very quickly my life has spiraled out of control & I am feeling in such utter chaos that I don’t know how to right the ship. #hopeless #needhelp

Needing to vent . Words of support appreciated!

After surviving 31+ years of abuse, a coma, years of homelessness, and being hit by a car, I finally got my own apartment and what I thought was a fresh start. But I was in a car accident a few months later and my apartment ended up having black mold in walls and floors, which made me severely ill. Ended lease since landlord wouldn’t do anything, right before losing my income.

I have nothing yet again and am back in an abusive home. I can’t endure it any longer and my only shot at ever being safe is a job in another state that I’m struggling to find housing for. I’m terrified I won’t find an apartment in the timeframe my new employer is requesting and end up on the streets again.

I’m at my wit’s end as I simply can’t keep fighting to survive anymore. I’m exhausted, hopeless and feel like I’ve worked so hard for nothing (and actually be worse off). “Help” available is a joke and I have nowhere else to turn. I just want to catch a break and be allowed to have a life.

When you get up everyday despite the depression and anxiousness. Even though u slept horribly the night before. When you work extremely hard everyday and u know your blessed because there are many who suffer to a degree that won’t or can’t work (and trust I’ve been there at some point). When you have done everything possible but yet nothing and I mean nothing brings satisfaction to your everyday life. Nothing makes me happy anymore or even makes me feel alive. Grateful to have ways to make money and be independent but knowing that I have no passion or purpose leaves me to question why am I here? Do I have a purpose? Am I living just to one day die? I mean we all are technically speaking but I’m not necessarily making the most out of my life. Not because I can’t or I won’t but simply because I’ve worked so hard, strived for greatness despite my mental health and now I’m burnt out depleted and lacking the will to care. Will I give up?’ No my son needs me but am I happy no. Shopping use to be my thing but that doesn’t help anymore. I’m numb. Leaving me wondering all this for what exactly…,, #deathhastobeeasy #Lifeishard

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Why I feel like I can’t get a job as an adult

1. Hate being under a lot of pressure
2. Fear of being misgendered (social dysphoria is pretty bad)
3. Don’t want to be involved in any drama or competition that could happen
4. Could end up getting a rude boss
5. Feel like I wouldn’t be payed fairly either way
6. Right now, it’s not even for the money
7. I end up losing motivation for things I like to do on some days
8. I dropped out of school due to high levels of stress and trauma and unfairness and am not planning to finish due to stress and trauma, so there’s less of a chance for me anyway
9. I already get stressed out even by things that seem so small (I am ashamed of this)

Why I feel like I want to

1. Because it’s considered a norm in society and I don’t wanna be judged as a “lazy individual” who still lives with their parents /neg

#SocialAnxiety #Pressured #Autism #Job #hopeless

I came for support. I am trying so hard in my marriage but I feel like I am always failing. I have anxiety, depression, possibly on the spectrum, possibly BPD. Things really blew up during Covid and now I can’t get it right again. I am on meds and I love my therapist, but it seem no matter how hard I try, think things through. and learn, I am always wrong. I want to fix my relationship, and am not internet in leaving or separating. I just need support on the days that are particularly hard. #overwhelmed #Marriage #Anxiety #hopeless

I did have optimism when I was younger but that’s probably because youth came with immaturity and a sense of being naive. Fast forward to the present time, I feel completely different due to many life’s circumstances and changes. My nonchalant attitude and numbness to everything has taken me out of life’s reality for the most part.

Now I feel comfortable in my depression and don’t want to let it go. I’m not sure if I should navigate through this or just let it be?
#Depression #numb #hopeless #MensMentalHealth