Smoking

I didn't choose to heal; it chose me.

I remember the moment I cut the cord from my parents, and it was scary and liberating. Not knowing how they would initially react, I was pleasantly surprised and heartbroken at their lack of outreach and misunderstanding. It's like they were waiting for this moment to happen. The longer I went without speaking to them, I began to realize the cold, hard truth that they didn't care at all.

Free from their grip, I began to spiral down a dark hole inside my mind of forgotten memories. I've lost count of how many times I've wanted to give up on that darkness. How many times I've told myself it's too hard, too painful, too much. But somehow I'm still here. Still trying to fulfill my purpose in this life.

I come from a lineage of people who survived by numbing, by silencing, by pretending nothing happened. So I came to this world to break all cycles, the ultimate generational curse breaker. It's literally in my birth chart. I felt a strong purpose since I was seven years old. I'm a firm believer that we choose our parents and the hardships we endure. I will clarify that we didn't sign up for exactly what happened; free will is truly a scary concept. I'm here to break the cycles of abuse, neglect, trauma, addiction, honestly, all of it.

All of the abuse I've been through, the neglect, the sexual abuse, emotional and verbal abuse has affected me in various ways. I'm emotionally intelligent, but my emotions explode because I was never taught how to regulate. I'm learning now. I stopped giving my body to random men well over ten years ago. Always searching for something that wasn't there or trying to fill the void of pain and loneliness. Teaching myself to be kind, not just to myself, but to others as well. Creating strong, healthy boundaries, learning to say no. The most challenging of them all: addiction.

I didn't start smoking cigarettes until the day after my 18th birthday, being peer pressured into it. I continued to smoke cigarettes until I was 31 years old and quit cold turkey. I started drinking the summer after high school, under peer pressure, to fit in with my friends, and I found an outlet. A way to cope with things that I didn't remember. I felt lost but found. There was smoking of cannabis during this time. I preferred smoking over drinking, but this was before it was legal in my state to purchase cannabis. I drank heavily for the next 8 years, always searching for someone to connect with on a physical level, but nothing beyond that. When I said the healing journey chose me, this is what I mean; in September 2015, I was at a wedding with some friends, and I had been drinking. Later in the evening, I got a migraine. My first ever, and that was the turning point in my life.

It was a glamorous journey. I struggled to be sober. I struggled with staying home on the weekends, not being able to be at the bar with friends. Who were not friends, just people that happened to be drinking at the same watering hole. It honestly wasn't until after the New Year that I started to make real changes. I saw a doctor, I went on depression meds, and started practicing Yoga once per week. I spent the next few years physcially detoxing from all the crap I put in my body. I changed my diet, tried to sleep more, exercise, etc. I felt like I was walking up an icy mountain, not really making any progress but still trying. Mainly because I was still living with my parents at this time. Still under their abusive manipulation. I had no idea what I had just started.

I did quit drinking. My mom was an alcoholic, so that's an easy no for me. She killed herself three years ago. That's another story, for another time. I did, however, utilize the fact that at the beginning of 2020, marijuana became legal in my state. It was a godsend. Marijuana helped me cope and process over the next 5 years, and now here I am present moment, writing this out and struggling to let go of my edibles. My body is rejecting them, just like my body was rejecting alcohol. I crave the numbness, the release, but my heart says no. It's an internal battle that I keep to myself, wishing to be sober, but the bridge to get there is burning, itchy cravings that are the hardest part to get through.

I'm at the end of my numbing journey. I now know that I don't need it anymore. It's the in-between the old and the new, learning to cope with new techniques. I now choose healing not because it's easy, but because I'm tired of pain being the only legacy I carry forward. I refuse to be like either of my parents. I won't let my story end the same way. I also know deep in my soul that I am meant to help bring great change. It may feel like to end is all around, but I have hope that this is the downfall that we all need. Whether that's on your own personal journey or in the current state of our world. The old must be exposed before the new can be accepted.

Even if you're the first in your family to choose healing, even if no one claps for you, your choice matters. You matter. And you're not alone.

#MentalHealth #change #CPTSD #healingjourney #soberiety #choices #TraumaRecovery #AddictionRecovery

Fellow Mighty member @mightyaut has expressed her fears regarding the state of care for disabled people in the United States. I am adding my voice to hers, as I believe it is important that we understand the threat that Donald Trump poses to the services that disabled folk rely on.

I had reservations about Mr. Trump from the beginning of his candidacy in 2015. His mockery of disabled Washington Post reporter Serge Kovaleski convinced me that Mr. Trump lacks compassion and was unfit to be President. Learning about Mr. Trump’s nephew Fred and Fred’s disabled son William only strengthened my conviction that Mr. Trump is unfit to lead a nation with a substantial disabled population. Fred visited his uncle to express his concerns about the increasing cost of William’s care, and Mr. Trump told his nephew that he should just let his son die. According to an article in The Guardian, Mr. Trump expressed the same sentiment to a group of physicians and disability advocates he met at the White House. In Mr. Trump’s eyes, the lives of disabled people have no value; they are a burden to be disposed of. Fred Trump said, understandably, that it hurt him to hear his uncle speak that way about his son. He added,“Acceptance and tolerance would only come with public education and awareness…Donald might never understand this.”

Mr. Trump is intent on destroying the Department of Education, which, among other duties, maintains the Office for Civil Rights. This office investigates when schools discriminate against or abuse disabled students. An article in USA Today says that shortly after taking office, Mr. Trump ordered that 243 staffers from that office be laid off, crippling its ability to look out for its young charges. Allowing discrimination and abuse to go unchecked normalizes seeing disabled people as “other.” This in turn makes it easier to paint disabled people as subhuman.

Disabled folk disgust Mr. Trump. He doesn’t see us as people, instead viewing us solely in terms of how expensive it is to keep us alive. His solution is slashing Medicaid, a move one disability advocate calls a “soft” version of Nazi Germany’s Aktion T4 euthanasia program. Between 1939 and 1945, pediatricians, psychiatrists and nurses working for the Third Reich murdered upwards of 300,000 mentally and physically disabled children and adults after the Reich disparaged them as “useless eaters’ and “burdensome lives.” The equivalent manifesting in 2025 America is more subtle: deny vulnerable Americans access to care while denigrating them as parasites and the reason that MAGA’s diehard supporters can’t have nice things. In the meantime, the money the country saves by killing its most vulnerable citizens will fund a tax cut for Elon Musk. If Mr. Musk spent an amount totaling my father’s mortgage every day of the year, it would take over ten thousand years to exhaust his net worth. I for one am glad that Mr. Musk will see his tax burden relieved. I don’t know how he summons the strength to go on, making do with so little.

The need for brevity has obliged me to simplify my arguments against President Trump. At this juncture, I recall helpful advice offered by fantasy author George R. R. Martin when the President was running against Hillary Clinton. Martin pointed out that Mrs. Clinton’s campaign ads were straightforward, unedited clips of Mr. Trump being himself, because the strongest argument against Mr. Trump becoming President has always been Mr. Trump himself. To paraphrase Mr. Martin, you don’t need to listen to Mrs. Clinton, George R.R. Martin, or me. Listen to Trump. Watch videos of his speeches. Read the transcript of his address at West Point over Memorial Day weekend. Look at his social media accounts. Then ask yourself, seriously, if this is a man who should be deciding whether you deserve to have health care or not.

Thank you, @mightyaut, for creating this group. I hope it will encourage others to speak out as well. Before I go, I recommend Sarah Kendzior’s Substack as a source of information on the danger that Mr. Trump poses to American democracy. As Ms. Kendzior puts it, the smoking gun pointing to Mr. Trump’s crimes against ordinary Americans is smoking because Mr. Trump is shooting this country to death, and that won’t change until enough of us stand up to a man who is little more than a glorified bully.

Fellow Mighty member @mightyaut has expressed her fears regarding the state of care for disabled people in the United States. I am adding my voice to hers, as I believe it is important that we understand the threat that Donald Trump poses to the services that disabled folk rely on.

I had reservations about Mr. Trump from the beginning of his candidacy in 2015. His mockery of disabled Washington Post reporter Serge Kovaleski convinced me that Mr. Trump lacks compassion and was unfit to be President. Learning about Mr. Trump’s nephew Fred and Fred’s disabled son William only strengthened my conviction that Mr. Trump is unfit to lead a nation with a substantial disabled population. Fred visited his uncle to express his concerns about the increasing cost of William’s care, and Mr. Trump told his nephew that he should just let his son die. According to an article in The Guardian, Mr. Trump expressed the same sentiment to a group of physicians and disability advocates he met at the White House. In Mr. Trump’s eyes, the lives of disabled people have no value; they are a burden to be disposed of. Fred Trump said, understandably, that it hurt him to hear his uncle speak that way about his son. He added,“Acceptance and tolerance would only come with public education and awareness…Donald might never understand this.”

Mr. Trump is intent on destroying the Department of Education, which, among other duties, maintains the Office for Civil Rights. This office investigates when schools discriminate against or abuse disabled students. An article in USA Today says that shortly after taking office, Mr. Trump ordered that 243 staffers from that office be laid off, crippling its ability to look out for its young charges. Allowing discrimination and abuse to go unchecked normalizes seeing disabled people as “other.” This in turn makes it easier to paint disabled people as subhuman.

Disabled folk disgust Mr. Trump. He doesn’t see us as people, instead viewing us solely in terms of how expensive it is to keep us alive. His solution is slashing Medicaid, a move one disability advocate calls a “soft” version of Nazi Germany’s Aktion T4 euthanasia program. Between 1939 and 1945, pediatricians, psychiatrists and nurses working for the Third Reich murdered upwards of 300,000 mentally and physically disabled children and adults after the Reich disparaged them as “useless eaters’ and “burdensome lives.” The equivalent manifesting in 2025 America is more subtle: deny vulnerable Americans access to care while denigrating them as parasites and the reason that MAGA’s diehard supporters can’t have nice things. In the meantime, the money the country saves by killing its most vulnerable citizens will fund a tax cut for Elon Musk. If Mr. Musk spent an amount totaling my father’s mortgage every day of the year, it would take over ten thousand years to exhaust his net worth. I for one am glad that Mr. Musk will see his tax burden relieved. I don’t know how he summons the strength to go on, making do with so little.

The need for brevity has obliged me to simplify my arguments against President Trump. At this juncture, I recall helpful advice offered by fantasy author George R. R. Martin when the President was running against Hillary Clinton. Martin pointed out that Mrs. Clinton’s campaign ads were straightforward, unedited clips of Mr. Trump being himself, because the strongest argument against Mr. Trump becoming President has always been Mr. Trump himself. To paraphrase Mr. Martin, you don’t need to listen to Mrs. Clinton, George R.R. Martin, or me. Listen to Trump. Watch videos of his speeches. Read the transcript of his address at West Point over Memorial Day weekend. Look at his social media accounts. Then ask yourself, seriously, if this is a man who should be deciding whether you deserve to have health care or not.

Thank you, @mightyaut, for your posts and the encouragement they gave me to speak out. I hope others will follow your example and speak out as well. Before I go, I recommend Sarah Kendzior’s Substack as a source of information on the danger that Mr. Trump poses to American democracy. As Ms. Kendzior puts it, the smoking gun pointing to Mr. Trump’s crimes against ordinary Americans is smoking because Mr. Trump is shooting this country to death, and that won’t change until enough of us stand up to a man who is little more than a glorified bully. #Disability #MentalHealth #Depression #Trauma #PTSD #Suicide

#SensoryProcessingDisorder

Timeline of the onset of symptoms that I experienced and suffered
• 2012: See R-BO/A-BO(on Indonesian in television)
• 2017: Concerned about mental depictions.
• 2018: Tingling head when thinking about tense things and genitals stimulated like orgasm when thinking about sexual things, thoughts must be in accordance with thoughts (not OCD).
• 2019: Starting to make illogical thoughts, Concerned about mental depictions of 3D people in real visuals or mental depictions of real people in 3D/animated visuals (not hallucinating and that makes it difficult for me to play games and watch animated films/cartoons).
• 2021: Concerned about People Wearing Skirts in everyday life
• 2022: Mentioning the year (thousands), people say "ya" in Javanese.
• 2023: People Smoking (this year I received treatment from a psychiatrist and my doctor said that I had severe anxiety (not in accordance with what I experienced and suffered) after receiving treatment my condition got worse! • 2024: Having a problem with people wearing watches on their left/right hand (should they be worn on the left or not emotional reactions and illogical thoughts will appear in my mind/brain.

Symptoms of the condition I suffer from:
• Strong emotional and cognitive reactions to the following (triggers):
1. People Smoking
2. Wearing a skirt in everyday life
3. Saying "ya" (engge) in Javanese
4. People speaking regional languages ​​in Indonesia
5. Seeing R-BO on Television (depending on the language used)
6. Seeing gecko droppings
7. Seeing Women as advertising stars
8. Seeing online advertisements
9. Saying thousands of years in Indonesian
10. Wearing a watch on the right..

• Tingling head when thinking about tense things and genitals are stimulated like orgasm when thinking about sexual things.
• Problematizing visual depictions (not hallucinations) of real people in the 3D visual world or animated 3D people in the real visual world followed by emotional and cognitive reactions.
• Cognitive reactions in the form of illogical thoughts (not schizophrenia, delusions, delusions or psychosis), cognitive distortion.
• Thoughts must be in accordance with certain things otherwise emotional and cognitive reactions will occur (this is not OCD or OCPD disorder) • If faced with things that trigger emotional and cognitive reactions from before then the reaction will not be too much (example: Seeing people smoking in 1991 will not trigger emotional and cognitive reactions as much as in 2024-2025)! (please note: applies to all existing triggers) • Problematizing mental representations • Crying over things like the following: • Dead animals • Lesser known games • People dying • Events (war, disaster, accident) • Thought and cognitive reactions that sometimes repeat themselves in my brain (still not OCD) • If faced with things that are the opposite of the triggers then the emotional cognitive reaction will decrease along with the mind being aware!

• Please note:
1. The symptoms mentioned above are not part of schizophrenia, psychosis, ADHD, PTSD, OCD, bipolar disorder, multiple personality, autism, Asperger's syndrome or Tourette's syndrome
2. Are the things described above indicative of a rare/lesser known disorder?
3. Triggers that are reacted to by emotional cognitive can be random!

And i'm from Indonesia

#NeurodevelopmentalDisorders

Timeline of the onset of symptoms that I experienced and suffered
• 2012: See R-BO/A-BO.
• 2017: Concerned about mental depictions.
• 2018: Tingling head when thinking about tense things and genitals stimulated like orgasm when thinking about sexual things, thoughts must be in accordance with thoughts (not OCD).
• 2019: Starting to make illogical thoughts, Concerned about mental depictions of 3D people in real visuals or mental depictions of real people in 3D/animated visuals (not hallucinating and that makes it difficult for me to play games and watch animated films/cartoons).
• 2021: Concerned about People Wearing Skirts in everyday life
• 2022: Mentioning the year (thousands), people say "ya" in Javanese.
• 2023: People Smoking (this year I received treatment from a psychiatrist and my doctor said that I had severe anxiety (not in accordance with what I experienced and suffered) after receiving treatment my condition got worse! • 2024: Having a problem with people wearing watches on their left/right hand (should they be worn on the left or not emotional reactions and illogical thoughts will appear in my mind/brain.

Symptoms of the condition I suffer from:
• Strong emotional and cognitive reactions to the following (triggers):
1. People Smoking
2. Wearing a skirt in everyday life
3. Saying "ya" (engge) in Javanese
4. People speaking regional languages ​​in Indonesia
5. Seeing R-BO on Television (depending on the language used)
6. Seeing gecko droppings
7. Seeing Women as advertising stars
8. Seeing online advertisements
9. Saying thousands of years in Indonesian
10. Wearing a watch on the right..

• Tingling head when thinking about tense things and genitals are stimulated like orgasm when thinking about sexual things.
• Problematizing visual depictions (not hallucinations) of real people in the 3D visual world or animated 3D people in the real visual world followed by emotional and cognitive reactions.
• Cognitive reactions in the form of illogical thoughts (not schizophrenia, delusions, delusions or psychosis), cognitive distortion.
• Thoughts must be in accordance with certain things otherwise emotional and cognitive reactions will occur (this is not OCD or OCPD disorder) • If faced with things that trigger emotional and cognitive reactions from before then the reaction will not be too much (example: Seeing people smoking in 1991 will not trigger emotional and cognitive reactions as much as in 2024-2025)! (please note: applies to all existing triggers) • Problematizing mental representations • Crying over things like the following: • Dead animals • Lesser known games • People dying • Events (war, disaster, accident) • Thought and cognitive reactions that sometimes repeat themselves in my brain (still not OCD) • If faced with things that are the opposite of the triggers then the emotional cognitive reaction will decrease along with the mind being aware!

• Please note:
1. The symptoms mentioned above are not part of schizophrenia, psychosis, ADHD, PTSD, OCD, bipolar disorder, multiple personality, autism, Asperger's syndrome or Tourette's syndrome
2. Are the things described above indicative of a rare/lesser known disorder?
3. Triggers that are reacted to by emotional cognitive can be random!

I have consulted with four doctors and they said that what I am suffering from is schizophrenia even though the condition I am suffering from is different from common psychiatric conditions and I have felt it since I was 3-7 years old?

Timeline of the onset of symptoms that I experienced and suffered
• 2012: See R-BO/A-BO(on Indonesian in television)
• 2017: Concerned about mental depictions.
• 2018: Tingling head when thinking about tense things and genitals stimulated like orgasm when thinking about sexual things, thoughts must be in accordance with thoughts (not OCD).
• 2019: Starting to make illogical thoughts, Concerned about mental depictions of 3D people in real visuals or mental depictions of real people in 3D/animated visuals (not hallucinating and that makes it difficult for me to play games and watch animated films/cartoons).
• 2021: Concerned about People Wearing Skirts in everyday life
• 2022: Mentioning the year (thousands), people say "ya" in Javanese.
• 2023: People Smoking (this year I received treatment from a psychiatrist and my doctor said that I had severe anxiety (not in accordance with what I experienced and suffered) after receiving treatment my condition got worse! • 2024: Having a problem with people wearing watches on their left/right hand (should they be worn on the left or not emotional reactions and illogical thoughts will appear in my mind/brain.

Symptoms of the condition I suffer from:
• Strong emotional and cognitive reactions to the following (triggers):
1. People Smoking
2. Wearing a skirt in everyday life
3. Saying "ya" (engge) in Javanese
4. People speaking regional languages ​​in Indonesia
5. Seeing R-BO on Television (depending on the language used)
6. Seeing gecko droppings
7. Seeing Women as advertising stars
8. Seeing online advertisements
9. Saying thousands of years in Indonesian
10. Wearing a watch on the right..

• Tingling head when thinking about tense things and genitals are stimulated like orgasm when thinking about sexual things.
• Problematizing visual depictions (not hallucinations) of real people in the 3D visual world or animated 3D people in the real visual world followed by emotional and cognitive reactions.
• Cognitive reactions in the form of illogical thoughts (not schizophrenia, delusions, delusions or psychosis), cognitive distortion.
• Thoughts must be in accordance with certain things otherwise emotional and cognitive reactions will occur (this is not OCD or OCPD disorder) • If faced with things that trigger emotional and cognitive reactions from before then the reaction will not be too much (example: Seeing people smoking in 1991 will not trigger emotional and cognitive reactions as much as in 2024-2025)! (please note: applies to all existing triggers) • Problematizing mental representations • Crying over things like the following: • Dead animals • Lesser known games • People dying • Events (war, disaster, accident) • Thought and cognitive reactions that sometimes repeat themselves in my brain (still not OCD) • If faced with things that are the opposite of the triggers then the emotional cognitive reaction will decrease along with the mind being aware!

• Please note:
1. The symptoms mentioned above are not part of schizophrenia, psychosis, ADHD, PTSD, OCD, bipolar disorder, multiple personality, autism, Asperger's syndrome or Tourette's syndrome
2. Are the things described above indicative of a rare/lesser known disorder?
3. Triggers that are reacted to by emotional cognitive can be random!

And i'm from Indonesia

Hi, my name is Coffeemaster87. I'm here because I have ADHD and have been smoking meth. I can’t focus my mind and my anxiety has been extreme since my dog got sick. I need some advice please! Thank you

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #AutismSpectrumDisorder #ADHD #Grief

My sister came over yesterday to hang out for a bit and we went for a car ride to see my cousin. We ended up smoking some pot and I must have had a bad reaction because all of a sudden, I had the lowest feeling and really scared about life and how it might never change no matter how hard we try and that out trials could become fatal. Like my sister who is overweight it really bothered me because I want her to be happy and it was like she gave up and she is so deserving and beautiful! It just made me so sad and I think I even said I felt suicidal about the whole situation it was the worst feeling ever what if nothing changes like my smoking is it going to kill me? Or my sister never loses the weight are we going to be stuck here for eternity? I don't know it was just the most terrible feeling ever and I don't ever want to feel it again!

Honestly, despite taking antidepressants for about a month, I don’t think they’ll be as effective as I thought they’d be. Originally, my doctor has given me antidepressants in hopes that if the depression is treated, it might alleviate the ADHD symptoms.

However, I don’t think it will help me at all because I have not seen an improvement with my ADHD symptoms. I still struggle with what I now understand is called ADHD paralysis.

ADHD paralysis is one of the main reasons why I started getting depressed. Because I have a hard time starting tasks due to persistent feelings of ADHD paralysis, it’s always made me feel like a failure and has caused feelings of self-hatred, and hopelessness. It’s also why I feel powerless and like I’m not in control of my body.

To put it in a better analogy, if you were to ask me to do a simple task, to me it feels like if you were asking me to stop smoking in order to overcome smoking addiction. That feeling of resistance a smoke addict would have feels exactly similar to how it feels for me to start simple tasks.

That’s why I don’t think antidepressants will help me entirely because really, as long as I have these ADHD symptoms, it will not fully improve the depression. Even thinking about how powerless I feel because of ADHD brings tears to my eyes sometimes.

I’m kind of hoping I get some news about my appointment with the psychiatrist because I’ve been told it’s going to take about 2 months to even get an appointment, and they can’t really prescribe me ADHD medication without the psychiatrist. They haven’t really given me an exact date for the psychiatrist, so as of now, I have no idea when I’ll visit the psychiatrist.

HI, FINANCES are really low this month, I'm a mom who rsised a kid to late teenagehood, cost goes to groceries, rent, ciggies, kid, Tims for caregiving, presents for imdeiate family and caregiving and bus cards, its hard, sometimes I can't caregive due to finances, I have 2 elderly, one's in a wheelchair, I hope to quit smoking tomorrow n live on potatoes but I'm worried I'll get sick, walking 20 to 40 minutes from bus to caregiving and back is hard, I'm clean but sometimes abused, just asking for prayers, my daughter comes home a bit but has been elsewhere March break, I'm hard working and exhausted, have 3 big dogs and one other person and the house is clean, I'm Hopeful, it was kid's Birthday so a lot went to that, I'm worried