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Eating Disorder Progressing #BingeEatingDisorder #self -sabotage #selfharmregression

I live in Mexico. Last year I was in rehab due to BPD and binge eating disorder. It’s been 5 months now that I’ve been in recovery and today I feel like I relapsed into depression. I’m eating way too much out of anxiety and I don’t find the motivation to live anymore. I’m so scared of this disease taking over me, I skipped my therapists appointment tonight and lied about it, I used my therapy money on food binges and I haven’t been eating healthy for the past 2 weeks. I’m going into previous bad habits that could slowly kill me. I should be thankful to be alive but somehow I’m just numb. I’m surviving, not living, and I feel like I’ll never be happy again. I’m scared to socialize, that I’ll be boring to my friends, I don’t even know how to talk to them anymore, I feel like I’m faking it, just being someone they want me to be. Even though I go to a 12 step group Overeaters Anonymous, I’m so in denial that I feel it isn’t working because I’m too fucking stubborn to change.

Can anyone give me some motivation to change my mindset, please 🖤 #desperateforhelp #cryforhelp #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Overeating #bed #Loneliness #EmptinessIsHeavy

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I don’t like myself when I drink. #Alcohol #Anxiety #unhappy #oversharing

Feeling really anxious, I don’t like the person I become when I drink whilst unhappy, I get dramatic, I get emotional, I start over share personal things, I also seem to become involved in gossiping, which I really don’t like! I basically turn into everything that I don’t like about person. I know that it is because deep down I am struggling, and I need to give myself some empathy, I’m just wondering if anyone else on here feels the same way or does the same things? Lately I thought I was getting better, but this weekend it happened again... #Alcohol #cryforhelp #Anxiety


I'm so sorry #Sorry #cryforhelp #inhospital

I'm so sorry for worrying every one
An ambulance came for me at 1:40am in the morning I'm ok just very tired and drained and feel very very sick .

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Confession time

I’m tired 😓, I’ve had lupus for 20 years and it’s been rough from the start. I’m exhausted in all ways possible. I’ve always done things the right way but recently I found out that the hospital has me as a seeker 🥴 talk about a fucking punch too the heart and gut. I seriously debated myself days was it finally time just to end it all. I have multiple chronic illnesses that causes severe pain and chronic fatigue. I go to the ER and sit hours in agonizing pain just for some doctor to come in and play judge if I’m in enough pain for meds or if I need to be admitted when I think I do and I sit and wait 8plus hours. Just to be looked at funny and sent home in worse shape then I came in. I don’t know how much fight I have left in me I’m really starting to not feel like much of a warrior. It’s 12:38 I’m trying to make this post and am barely able to keep my eyes open to type. I live in Saint Louis city and you can get frights from anyone or any corner but I’ve tried to do it right for 20 years but I’ve recently went and bought pain meds for the first time which wasn’t even worth my time,money or nerves. #Exausted #tired #cryforhelp #Lupus #ic #InterstitialCystitis #bladder #Pain #tired #Fibromyaliga #Depression #MentalHealth #Asthama #hurt #help #Die

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I really just want to give up... I had another counseling session again today, I told him I was fine that things have been good.. But here I am tonight ready to quit trying and fighting. I wonder if all this work I put into getting help and slowly fighting to get better was all for nothing. I tried reaching out to a couple of friends this evening, led to nothing.. This is why I quit trying. I guess I’ll go back to my old self and just stay self isolated and rarely eat. The easiest way to get by in life it seemed like.. I fooled everyone into thinking I was perfectly fine that I wasn’t slowly dying inside.. 🤷🏽‍♀️ #cryforhelp #Suicide #Depression #Selfharm #dyinginside #selfisolation



So, I’ve been thinking about going back to counseling/ therapy. Whatever you wanna call it. But I’m completely terrified of the highs and lows. My husband has mentioned before, you always feel so bad when you go to counseling. I’m at a crossroad and need to either shit or get off the pot, something my dad says. I’ve been in counseling on and off since I was 11. I need to talk to someone, but I’m scared. Can someone just tell me what to do so I don’t have to make the decision? Because making decisions is also hard me. #ADD #Anxiety#Depression#CPTSD#RheumatoidArthritis


Change in the Winds

I think it's time that I go with the inner shift in my mindset and do something different. Unfortunately, all I want to do now is to kill off my heart, destroy my feelings, and to not allow myself to feel again. I feel like doing everyone a favour and leave without a trace. I no longer want to feel love. I don't know how I could ever help anyone in this world. I don't know why they would need me in the first place. I feel so worthless... I try to endure it all, but I implode every time. My mind seems to be winning every battle thus far. I don't stand a chance against those who seem to be winning the game of life. I seem to fall harder and faster as everyone moves upward. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I'm feeling everything so much... just let me die. #MentalHealth #Depression #cryforhelp #imnotok #NotOK #idontwantodothisanymore #Crying #Screaming #Screaminginside #letmedie

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Going downhill #cryforhelp

So I’ve been going through financial stuff that has made my depression worse. Am hanging in there for my kids and parents, but the depression is still there. Today I googled info on drug overdose. I know this is not a good sign. I realise that it’s no longer safe for me to keep this to myself...