When it comes to depression, anxiety, and everything in between, small everyday tasks can seem nearly impossible to achieve. Some of these tasks are incredibly easy for others, but for me, it’s like climbing a mountain without a harness. No matter how hard I try to reach the top, I fail to get past that initial first step.
But I’ve learned that it’s the small actions that truly make a difference. Even when days are heavy, I can manage to push through and get things done at my own pace.
Most mornings, I lie awake in bed. I try to find the strength and encouragement to leave my comfort zone. The depression can keep you stuck under the covers, drained and exhausted before the day even begins. That’s why, I try my best to wake up earlier in the morning.
It’s a small victory for me to reclaim my time and choose to show up for myself. I feel tired and depleted of energy. However, I know that getting up early really sets the tone for the day. It’s a chance to get more mundane tasks done and sets a sense of positivism for the day.
One of the things I enjoy doing daily is take my dog out for a walk. It’s a little bit of alone time where we can both decompress. My dog and I are one in the same, anxious, and often fearful. Getting some fresh air, movement, and connection isn’t just a routine, it’s an act of self-care. It’s me choosing to step outside, soak in the sun, and take a deep breath. A moment to let the world in, even if it’s just for a moment.
Tasks such as showering or brushing my teeth can be daunting. These are necessities, but my depression and clouded mind prevent me from doing these small things with ease. It feels like a horrible chore I must get done. But when I’m doing it, I appreciate that I’m taking care of myself. The feeling afterwards makes me realize that I’m worth the effort.
I believe your room often mimics your mental state. When it comes to my room, it’s a tall tell sign that I suffer from depression. My desk is cluttered with both clean and dirty clothes. Vacuuming is becoming necessary. The dust has piled up thick. I try to remind myself that things don’t always need to be perfect.
However, the guilt of having things pile up makes me feel awful about myself. I know that a clean room equals a happier me, but getting it done is easier said. I just must remind myself that every dish washed, and every item folded is a step toward peace.
My driving anxiety is something that I’m most proud of as of late. Years ago, I had a terrifying experience while driving to Las Vegas at night. The desert was pitch black, the road lacked reflectors, and my vision blurred from the strain, fear, and tension. I experienced what I would later learn as highway hypnosis.
It’s a state of mind where I feel disconnected, overwhelmed, and panicked to be quite honest. My palms become sweaty, my heart racing, and my shoulders locked and tense. I’ve felt terrified ever since this experience.
When I drive on the freeway, I stay in the right lane. I do this in case I get an anxiety attack and need to pull over. I overthink every possible scenario while driving. This overthinking creates a dissociative state of mind. In this state, my mind and body are not connected.
I feel shaky and often must hold my driving leg to keep it sturdy. I think of possible leg cramps, foot itches, popping a tire, or at no fault of my own, getting hit. For the past two years, I’ve avoided freeways for long distance driving and just keep to the streets.
But a few days ago, I had to attend a wedding in Calabasas. My friend Zoe and I went to Santa Barabara for a few nights before. I decided to drive myself. I made this choice instead of having her do it. I wanted to push myself and just try it out. My anxiety got to me a few times, but I did it.
I drove from Santa Barbara to Calabasas without having to stop. I pushed through it. I played music, breathed deeply, and reminded myself that I was safe, and in control. I was capable and that was stronger than my fear. I’m so proud of myself for that.
It’s all about the small wins. They may not look like much from an outsider’s perspective, but on the inside, they represent growth and healing. Mental health challenges can make everyday tasks seem daunting, but it’s the small things that matter most. So, if you’ve showered, brushed your teeth, and made your bed, I’m proud of you. And you should be proud of you too.
These steps are not meant for giant leaps to reach the top of the hill. Embrace things at your own pace. Recognize that every step forward is a step in the right direction. Celebrate yourself, and you’ll notice how these small tasks will reinforce a clearer mindset. Let’s choose ourselves and embrace our productivity.
“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must, but take the step.”
--Naeem Callaway
#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #self
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