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I just don’t know anymore

So much is going through my mind right now I just found out that one of ex partners/abusers killed her self a few days ago . And I feel like I want to feel bad about this but the honest to god truth is I don’t. She proved her self to be selfish and uncaring towards others and she had tried to take her life multiple times the last time she did, she not only wanted to harm herself but others around her. And someone that has that much in caring towards themselves and others I find it very very hard to give a damn about!
Does this make me and evil person?
I also am dealing with a very hard thing of that someone I used to be incredibly good friends with has not had contact with me in nearly over two months. And this was at one point someone I could turn to and talk to about almost anything in life espically if I was having a hard time . I don’t know how he feels about me anymore or if I can truly count him as friend anymore and coming to terms with that is really hard for me .
Espically after discovering that these two partners I was with had been taking advantage of me and sexual abusing me for their own selfish means!
I made a comment about the news I had found out to my fiancé and he got incredibly mad about it. Not as mad as he could have. But I felt guilty for evening bringing up the subject. I momentarily forgot that , this person had not only abused and taken advantage of me but had also done it to him also. And where as I mifht which I had any feelings on the matter he has none and dosnt wish to. This person had at one point when she was being sucidal towards herself turned around and became homicidal towards literally everyone in the house espically him and began at one point , calling him racial slurs and threatening to kill not only herself but hun and everyone in the household.
She had disregard for her own life as well as anyone else’s! #hurting #confused #Feelingbad #feelingguilty


How do you get rid of feeling like a bad person?

Last night I was thinking of all the times I've intentionally and unintentionally hurt people throughout my life... And it made me feel like I was a bad person. I know guilt is such a useless emotion, but sometimes I just feel like shit. 😔#Depression #BadPerson #Feelingbad #Guilt


#Feelingbad Painful Time

I am feeling bad and it is frustrating me like crazy. Mother’s Day was terrible with this pain. I need to write a blog post, but I am unable to concentrate.

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Screwed up

That feeling of stupidity when you do stuff for someone and ended up screwing it instead. I made a gluten free Banana bread for my girlfriend’s daughter because she has Celiac disease. I used a small amount of Almond flour & forgot she’s allergic to almonds. She’s ok though. She took some Benadryl to counteract the effects. Ugh, I hate BPD! #Feelingbad #Iscrewedupeverything #Bpdsucks #Depression #Ifeelstupid