Bpdsucks

I'm so tired of the high highs and lower lows every other minute. It's like my brain won't slow down but I also just want to sit and cry. My family doesn't understand. I just want to stop feeling.. #Bpdsucks

It amazes me how quick my mood changes. One minute I’m fine and something minor happens and boom. I shut down. My emotions are on fire. I close the curtains and lay in bed. I’m starting a workbook for dbt with my therapist. I pray this helps me. #moodswings #Bpdsucks #ImOverThisShit #MentalHealthTakesNoHolidays

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Imnewhere #newtothemighty #Thoughtiwasalone #Bpdsucks

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Imnewhere #newtothemighty #Thoughtiwasalone #Bpdsucks

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

I’m new here. I’ve followed The Mighty for awhile just never interacted. Well now is my first time. I was diagnosed with #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder 5 years ago it’s been a struggle and an eye opener. It’s explained so much in my life. I’m finally in a place where I’m tired of being that person that I was. I started seeing a therapist again, the last one was a joke and that put me off from getting help for a couple years. But I’m finally back on the wagon and my therapist tells me that I need to reach out more. She tells me I need people to talk to since I literally have no one. I’ve been struggling a lot lately I’ve been so angry and I don’t know why. The whole isolation thing and not being able to go anywhere doesn’t really bother me. It’s no different now then it was before all this happened I go to work I go home. Same thing everyday. I do have a stressor I’m in the middle of buying a home and there’s so many hoops I have to jump through to do it and it makes my anxiety high. I just wanna give up. I feel like I’ve finally gotten somewhere just to have to back track again. I feel like I’m at war with myself everyday.

I was doing so well I finished DBT, got my hairdressing nvq 2/3, had a good job in which I got promoted quickly then BPD reared its ugly head and I had a complete relapse in june last year just had my 1st psych appointment after re referred to mental health and now been on a downer since Wednesday last week. This psychiatrist had no idea about me or my previous notes, this was a new psych so didnt trust him as far as I could throw him and I just felt that oh so familiar feeling of being belittled and that it's for attention. My 9 yr old daughter understand me better than he did. Since the apt I've dissassoicating myself, my boyfriend whose never seen me in full bpd mode is lost, my parents as always are at a loss and I just feel tired. I'm tired of the battle in my own head, questioning every feeling and emotion and not knowing if I can make it through another relapse. I feel so alone, like this freak who stands out with giant neon signs above head pointing my bpd out to the world. My daughter, god bless her got royally screwed in the parent department with a non existent sperm donor for a father and me the bpd drama queen as a mother. My parents take control of parenting her to protect her from an "episode" which as you can imagine makes me feel even smaller. I'm just a failure in everything! What's the point?! #bpdmum #Bpdsucks