generalized anxiety disorde

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Mood journal #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde

I ordered a mood journal to keep track of course my moods, stress and sleep. I am keeping notes of the past couple of weeks of what’s going on. For 3 weeks on and off sleep, high energy I felt like I was high. Very agitated and irritated. Then a crash that came with depression. I’m now sleeping through the night. My mood looked like an echocardiogram

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Sexual abuse

There is a song by the oak ridge boys that I can hear in the background when I was being sexually abused by my brother. I can’t listen to that song. I also remember seeing Barbara Mandrell wearing a bright blue dress when she was pregnant with her son. I looked up the year she was pregnant with him it was 1985 when I was 12. The Oak Ridge boys came out in 1982 when I was 9. I can’t listen to the song she was singing too. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #SexualAbuse #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde

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Boundaries #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #SexualAbuseSurvivors #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde

I’m reading my new book boundaries. So far I’m getting the hang of it setting them. As children we wouldn’t dare tell anyone no. If we did it wasn’t taken seriously. During my 4 yrs of being #sexuallyabused by my brother he still did it even though it kept repeating the word No. So, after I set boundaries with mom she asked what my book was about 🤔 the tile speaks for itself I told her. I told her it’s teaching people what they will not allow that’s why boundaries are set. She doesn’t like the fact that I set the boundaries with her. I told her well that’s not my problem and I am not going back on it.

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Gaslighting #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #SexualAbuseSurvivors #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde

I just found this on Facebook just a few minutes ago. My mom was basically gaslighting me. She had all these signs except the first one. No fucking wonder why I snapped. I stand up for those who don’t have a voice . The one comment she said still bothers me “You should have told us sooner “ I’m not dwelling on that comment like I did yesterday. I’m using my coping skills. I took a day off from walking today. My son was off so we played games.

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I might be a quiet borderline personality #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde

I only seen my new psychiatrist twice. He asked me if I think I have borderline personality disorder. I told him I’m more quiet borderline. I internalize my feelings til I snap. I laugh at things that I shouldn’t laugh at but definitely not on the mighty. For instance, I laugh watching my serial killer documentaries. Things have to be done at the moment I want it done. If I want something I want it now. I was misdiagnosed first one was bipolar 2 then borderline personality disorder. So hopefully this psychiatrist will get me an official diagnosis

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I attempted to isolate myself today #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde

After the big blow out I cleaned my room and laid underneath my blanket listening to music and crying. I reached out to my friend who helped. She suggested that I go on another walk to clear my head. So far it helped I’m now watch ghost hunters

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Set boundaries with mom again #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde

I told my mom that for now on she and my cousin are going shopping by themselves. I’m so sick and tired of her going completely off the list. I shouldn’t be so stressed out going shopping. I was agitated from 1pm-10pm. I seriously wanted to drink that day. That vodka bottle on the kitchen counter was staring at me saying come on just one glass . Of course she got defensive. Grocery shopping shouldn’t be stressful.

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big time #Agitation

Yesterday I had #Agitation from 1pm-10pm. All this over a grocery total. We are on a grocery budget with a set total well mom went total over. That pisst me off big time. She bitches and moans she doesn’t have enough to pay her bills. 🤔 she is probably going to say “I should have listened to you” you know what I don’t want to hear it. She will end up doing it again anyway. She probably ask to borrow money and that is not going to happen. Thankfully I put my Beats Pro in my ears listening to my music, played my sims 4, I journaled 3 pages. My son and his girlfriend pay for their own groceries. I’m not going to get made anymore if and when we go shopping again. She has to learn her own mistakes and her consequences. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde #PTSD oh watching my serial killer documentaries helped too

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Psychiatrist appointment

I had my appointment yesterday with my psychiatrist. He asked how I was doing with my mood stabilizer. I told him the first week I was an emotional wreck, anger issues and hyper. This week I’m much calmer, no depression and less angry. So he is raising it to 75 mg. He asked about my nightmares so I told him nothing so far. I told him when I am dreaming I can tell when they are about to enter so I managed to switch it off. I can imagine what he wrote down after I told him that 😂. He asked why aren’t you in therapy? I said I doing my coping skills. He asked what coping skills are u doing? He wanted to make sure it was healthy coping skills. He said he was impressed that I knew them all. I said well when you have been in 6 psych hospitals you learn a lot plus Pinterest has all of them. So I see him in 4 weeks. Of course he asked the famous question that we are always asked. if I wanted to kill myself or hurt others. I was going to ask do people actually tell you the truth but of course I didn’t I said no. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde

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