ideservebetter

Hi guys, I’ve been in a relationship with my fp for 5 years with one year break up in the middle of it. I love him very much but I don’t want him to be my person. I know I don’t get to choose who I love and who becomes my FP but I really wish I could. He has a lot of great qualities but recently I have been increasingly hurt by his selfishness/ self-centered actions. We’ve discussed BPD and what it means to have a favorite person and I’m afraid he feels like that gives him a pass to be careless and not bring anything to the table- kind of like he knows my mental illness won’t let me leave so he doesn’t care what he does or doesn’t do. He has lied to me a lot and done some pretty crappy things which have resulted in me struggling to forgive him and I’m pretty certain I’ll never trust him again. This relationship has always been somewhat unequal but for the past few months it’s a game of I give and he takes. It hurts and I want out.

Here’s the part where I need help. I want to break up with him but to say that I’m scared is a gross understatement. When we were apart before, I crashed. I was dysfunctional, could barely go to work (and oftentimes didn’t), and was suicidal. I cried randomly multiple times a day and felt like my heart had been ripped out. I had a plan in place and was ready for my life to end. The death of my ex-husband (and kids’ dad) is the only reason I’m regretfully still here.

Has anyone broken up with their FP and been ok? How did you do it? I’m completely petrified of being without him and know that there will be serious consequences to my mental health if I leave but this is not what I want for my life! For the first time in my entire life, I realize that I deserve better and I want someone who brings more to the table. I just need to figure out how to get there without a nuclear meltdown. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson #ideservebetter

My recent ex of two months, the one who dropped me off at home and completely ghosted me. Left me, blocked me on literally everything. But on Thursday, April 30th, 2020 I got my closure finally! I deserved answers and I was determined to get them. On thing he hadn’t blocked me on was the xbox app. I asked him “Why did you break up with me? And not tell me why.” He responded “Because Kaitlyn you made me feel like I wasn’t doing good enough and not giving you enough attention.” I told him “Really? That’s why?”, I didn’t deserve for it to end like this.” He goes on to say that he didn’t want to end it but look where we are. I made sure that he knew that this was all his choice and I apparently had no say in it. I also reminded him that he promised me that he wouldn’t of done this, but he did it anyway. He then goes on to tell me how I don’t want to change either. His exact words were, “You don’t want to get a job or a license, hell I could barely get you to go into a store.” But he is 💯% wrong!! I do want to get a job and to also get my driver’s license but it’s kinda hard because of this whole pandemic thing. Am I right? And with the whole he could “barely” get me into a store, you give a person with anxiety and you put them in an anxiety provoking atmosphere of course their not going to want to go. Or even in a place where the person isn’t the most familiar with and especially in a Walmart with restrictions regarding the pandemic (100 people in store at a time), standing in line (which I have no issues with). The only issue I have is trying to explain to someone why you don’t want to do something or don’t want to go into a place, etc. Its difficult and when I did with him I cried because he didn’t understand it, clearly 🙄. But, now that I am home I’ve gone into plenty of stores, stood in lines, all while wearing my mask of course. I made it clear to him that I felt emotionally abused by him and that I didn’t understand why he had to go about this the way he did, blocking me and all. But you wanna know his response...”Go ahead and play victim.” Like really. I responded back to him this “There’s no victim I’m playing a hurt human being who didn’t deserve to be treated like this. Just like there’s no real man here.” And left it at that. Man was I hurt and still am but at least I have stopped crying. So nows the time to let the healing begin! ✨💙✨ #Breakups #Greiving #movingon #closure #hisloss #ideservebetter

I love him but… Need advice please!

Finally some closure. Good right?

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