breakups

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    My long distance breakup

    I had a close relationship with someone for almost 2 years now, but it was long distance due to the pandemic and the fact that she lives in Canada. We met on TalkLife, which is another mental health app. She opened up to me with an issue regarding her ex-bf, and I was able to empathize with her really well. I even shared my insecurities with social anxiety to her and she was so supportive. Over time, we got really close, and I was so happy to find someone like her. She felt the same way. Everything felt so real and authentic for both of us even if it was online. It was for the first time that we both experienced a deep emotional bond. We started chatting on WhatsApp. We called each other almost every day, and even video chatted several times later on. We talked about many topics ranging from the things we liked and how our day went to deep philosophical subjects. We sent gifts to each other. She even wanted to meet me in person, but due to the pandemic's travel restrictions and me being at university, it was hard to do all these years.

    This summer I finally worked up a plan to fly and visit her in Vancouver. But she told me a few days ago that unfortunately, we are not really right for each other because she wanted to find more local people. She also was occupied with making a move to another province. Yet, she also told me that I was the most genuine friend she's ever had. I guess, in a way she's right because even if I did visit her in person, things would still stay the same between us because we would still be long distance and in 2 different countries. Seems like she wanted to get deeper with me, but couldn't.

    Still, I just miss her so much, and have been in so much grief and depression because of that. I want to share this because it is a prime example of how everything could feel so real and right in a relationship, but circumstances like distance and location just get in the way.

    #Breakups #Grief #Depression #Relationships #COVID #longdistance #pandemic

    4 comments
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    Do I tell her?

    My ex and I were together for 6 years and about 8 months ago he dumped me for someone else. He’s been coming back to me to continue to hook up. I know that makes me a shitty person because I’m doing exactly what she was doing.
    About 2 days after hooking up with him I find out that they’re engaged. I told him that he needs to tell her the truth or I will, because she deserves to know the truth before going into a marriage.
    The only thing he replied to me when I texted him that was “what the fuck is wrong with you, stop being so bitter.”
    He has now blocked my phone number as well.
    I have the girls phone number and I am really debating on telling her/sending her proof that we’ve still been seeing each other. On one hand I want to tell her because she deserves to know what she’s getting into, and on another hand my anger and hurt make me want to hurt both of them by telling her.
    Do I tell her? Do I just walk away and let karma run it’s course?
    #Breakups #heartbreak #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

    7 comments
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    Hi everyone, today is my ex’s bday.

    Above is my breakdown of my attachment results. As you can see I’ve come far to convert to a Secure after months of therapy. However, if you know anything about ambivalent/anxious type you know he have huge fright of abandonment and we want to smooth our feelings so badly we are trying hard to close the gap between us and an ex. I’ve been skillful. Like beyond skillful. And I knew today was coming so I booked things to do today to be comforting and skillful. I’m about to go into a Float. A epsom salt float at those Float therapy places. Prior to this I tried a new cafe. It was nifty. Loved it. However, I saw a guy walked in who reminded me physically of my ex. Ofcourse right? 🤭 and I found myself starting at him to take in the whole image so I could stop starring longer. I journaled how I felt. That helped. I spoke about the day and even used my ex’s name instead of just “ex” or “him” because trying to hold back his name was just going to explode in the wrong way. So I wrote it all down. Then I struggled to decide if I should message him… wishing him happy bday. Ugh, madness. It’s only been 3 weeks since we broke off. It feels like forever because I’ve done sooo much but holy cow it’s been recent too. 😮‍💨
    I just wanted to share with everyone my feelings. I am looking for support and validation. Not feeling alone with my day. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CPTSD #DBT #Breakups

    1 comment
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    Getting over you

    It's been months since me and the girl I loved broke up, it became long distance when I had to leave America but I really thought it could work but I was wrong. Today she messaged saying she missed me after seeing something I shared and it just made me feel so confused about everything, I want to be able to move on but in her I saw everything I ever wanted, I saw a friend, a number one supporter, an adventure buddy. With her I saw a future and I lost it. We are now in completely different hemispheres and talk about as much as you do with old acquaintances, I want our spark back but I don't know how. Last month at my birthday I was stupid and slept with a friend I was into hoping something might come from it but no just got told she wanted to be friends and now she's stuck in my head "what did I do wrong, she said all those nice things about me, why talk about being into me if you wanted to stay friends". She now has a boyfriend and this shouldn't hurt me because we were never a thing but why can't I get over her when I'm still in love with my ex. I've been talking to this girl for ages and recently invited her round a few times in the past week just so i don't sleep alone and i feel so trashy just having her as a distraction and fun but I just don't see the point in trying, i either fuck it up or doomed from the start so might as well have someone there that makes it feel like I'm wanted even though I'm not interested in them at all and just want the attention. I feel awful doing it to her but she knows i don't want anything serious. I just ruin everything by always rushing it and now i can hardly sleep on my own or have the energy to do anything. I don't understand myself.

    #Depression #Breakups #Anxiety #Relationships #Emotions #trash

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    Alternative, body-focused treatment for BPD and PTSD

    This morning I reached out to a center to learn about their somatic therapy treatment and healing the vicious symptoms of BPD. This is what I shared:

    "Hello,

    I am a 28 y/o woman who was officially diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder, PTSD and Major depressive disorder last August. I have struggled with mental illness for most of my life. My biggest barriers are with maintaining romantic relationships with men due to past traumas, and with my family. I am desperate to receive help, and have been actively working with my psychologist, and completed two rounds of DBT. I am also a licensed therapist, so I have pretty good awareness and insight, and I'm familiar with most skills, however in moments where I find myself getting hijacked by my emotions, I feel helpless.

    I know what I need to do, but feel overwhelmed by my body's trauma responses. I found this site when looking for somatic or alternative therapies for BPD. I don't want to live my life where i'm scared to form relationships because I don't know how I'll react the minute I don't feel safe. I do benefit from DBT, but I think I also need to add a more body-focused modality to deal with my whatever I'm holding inside me."

    Last night my ex called the cops after I had another bpd rage and began to knock things down and made a huge mess in our apartment. We broke up last week, and I am in the process of looking for a new place. I keep moving from feelings of heart ache to extreme anger to numbing sadness to intense resentment. As I wrote in the message, I can feel the weight in my body, and know I'm storing a lot of trauma. Curious if anyone has experience with alternative therapies and healing for their BPD.#BPD #Depression #Breakups #Art

    1 comment
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    Je t’ai dans la peau #Breakups #Depression #DiabetesType1

    Implose ma vie
    Mes organes
    Bousillés
    Ma peau, brûle
    Mes rêves
    Sans retour .
    Mon cœur, en mille miettes
    Qui va le ramasser ?
    Et le vide . Si lourd .
    Ton silence . Si bruyant.
    Explose ma douleur

    8 comments
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    I am not enough #Depression #Breakups

    You might fall in love with me
    But when you’ll really get to know me
    You’ll fall out of love
    I’m not enough to keep you
    I have to much restriction
    Life with me is just too dull
    So you’ll go living your life
    To your full potential
    While I’ll be alone , just waiting for this fucking hell to end .
    It’s not fair
    Buts it’s life
    I got unlucky
    I just wish it will end soon

    14 comments
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    Don't understand why #Borderlinerelationships #BPD #Breakups

    Ok so I decided to start a little book of memories of us that bring me joy, quotes and poems so if it pops into her head while thinking lowly of herself she can open it to any page for either a poems, inspiration or what joy she brought to me by just being her.

    So far I've written the description/explanation of what it is and why I did it but whenever I go to start the bulk pages "BOOM" like a tone of bricks heart palpitations , short sharp breathing and anxiety through the roof and I have no clue why I was also getting them in bed this morning.

    Any thoughts would be helpful.
    Cheers

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    A hard day #Breakups #Borderlinerelationships #loveherstill

    Well today the reason my heart beats and I broke up. I'm rather calm considering and it was extremely civil as far as breakups go. One part of it I found to be rather painful and not for reasons you would think.
    Among the paragraphs back and forth to each other in one she apologised because she thinks all she has done is hurt me and by no means was it all flowers and butterflies.
    So I've decided to make a book for for when she feels down just with a mixture of inspirational quotes/reminders to love herself even just a little bit more, some uplifting poems and a heap of detailed memories when she made me feel not only love but made me want to be a better man that's worthy of a love so pure

    1 comment
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    No one #Anxiety #Depression #Breakups

    I have no one
    No one with a real connexion
    I have some friends but they don’t really want to be with me . They act nice because I’m heartbroken but they will not check if I’m doing ok . They have their life . It’s all my fault for not maintaining real friendship when I was in a relationship .
    When I met him , I finally thought I had real love . I was also trying to reach out to friends even if I was with someone . But most of them would just being polite but didn’t really want to talk .
    Well I thought , at least I have my person and I can work towards building new relationships
    Im so tired of being rejected . I’m so tired of hearing that my friends made plan for a party and I wasn’t even invited …
    No that he decided that he didn’t love me enough
    I’m truly alone
    I am empty inside
    I just spend my day crying
    I had what I wanted in life with him .
    But Because i wouldn’t be able to let my cat and my job go, I began being distant with him
    And he said that he didn’t love me enough
    So it’s all my fault
    I had one person who loved me , I pushed him back …
    I made him to stop loving me
    And I mean , who could really love me ?
    I don’t do anything
    I don’t have any hobbies
    I can’t eat because of my gastroparesis
    I have nothing to offer
    I’m just so tired of being alone
    I’m just so tired , I just wish for once, something nice would have happen
    But no . I am alone

    1 comment