favorite person

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Within these memories

The never ending pain subsided once
No more, all these memories are tainted
Tainted by what you've done
This web you spin entangles everyone

How could you say I make you happy
Then turn around and walk away
Because what you do is
Transform pleasure into pain

When you'd say you cared
You easily could have listened
Instead you just walked...
My strongest hate is built within

During all these memories
All the memories of you and me
Never seen what I could've done
To provoke the betrayal you unleashed

Within these memories of you
Yes they still haunt me, like the day I saw your face
I wish I could make these feelings go
Go like everything else I know, eventually goes away

Now all I do is blame you
For luring me with your lies
Then casually walking away
Leaving this empty life

With these knots in my stomach
And these thoughts inside my head
Sometimes I just wish...
Just wish I were dead

How could you say I make you happy
Then turn around and walk away
Because what you do is
Transform pleasure into pain

When you'd say you cared
You easily could have listened
Instead you just walked...
My strongest hate is built within
Within these memories of you...
#MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #FavoritePerson #Depression

4 reactions 1 comment

FP validation struggles

I stand very firmly when I have new people prominent in my life especially a new fp, that you don’t have to validate my actions to validate my feelings. I’m also autistic along quiet bpd, today my fp gave me a sad tone when I asked for soemthing so I badgered about what was wrong. They dismissed me and I communicated that made me sad and it made me feel bad. They proceeded to argue saying I was policing them which annoyed me. I told them it hurt me and they dismissed again. I then said I’d put my seatbelt back on if they apologized for invalidating my feelings, wether intentional or not. And they responded with “some feelings just aren’t valid” I know they were referring to me getting so worked up over just the sad tone. But tone is how I interpret everything even if you say something good in an angry tone I will perceive it as anger. I did my best to communicate healthily but then they said that and I splashed my water at them. They told me I belong in patient and instead I’ve been waking up angry every morning which I haven’t been angry not til a little later in the day. I don’t know how to communicate how they hurt me. They usually don’t react like that. Any suggestions? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #quietbpd #FavoritePerson

9 reactions 5 comments

My Favorite Person is out of my league

I'm struggling to function with my everyday life as I write this because of my FP being away from me.

I'm 22, and graduating soon but I had problems concentrating with my undergrad thesis because I've been only focusing on my FP. She lives in another country, and we only see each other once a month if there's an event. She's a CEO of known company, and as I write this it may be unbelievable that I have some sort of connection with this high profile individual.

She became my FP last October, 2022. She came to my life when my world is crumbling because I already lost connection with my old FP. Knowing the cycle, I had to have a new FP in order to make my life liveable. At first, it's just like a fangirl period where I adore how kind she is. She speaks in different language, I can understand her but there's still a language and culture barrier between us. But it didn't became hindrance, we continue to communicate. And I would do extensive efforts like what I would always do in order to have her validations and attention. I literally came to the point of travelling to another country in order to see her, as of now I already did it thrice. I just flew back last week, and I'm struggling to function right now because my attachment became stronger because of that trip.

Living with BPD, it's a struggle to crave for assurance and validation every moment I felt being abandoned. But because of "not-so-casual relationship" with her, all those feelings are kept inside me and I make sure it doesn't reach her. I also have this urge to give her lengthy messages, to make her feel what I feel but I just do it every time we meet because I don't wanna freak her out by sending random messages like that:) She's not very expressive type, but her actions towards me is what I'm being attached to.
The common ground between my FPs is probably when they gave me trust and attention. She constantly give me that, but it also feels like it's just her personality, or she's just being kind towards me that she's just giving back and doesn't want to owe anything on me.
Every time we bid goodbye when we see each other, she would say "let's not see each other again". As a borderline, that statement would always wreck me. Last March, she said "our friendship ends here" and I cried the hell out of me. So I end up sending her long message, and asked for a hug lol. I became fine after that. Because that statement she would always say it lightheartedly, I became used to it.

Probably this month, we'll gonna be meeting each other again. So I would spend my time searching for gifts I would give her, and just looking back at the memories we had last week. The emotions are still intense, something inside my heart wanted to come out and be released. But I know I had to hold it back.

I only have few days before my thesis deadline, but my whole attention and mind is onto my FP. I am completely not okay right now. Having an FP is so hard, but for the past 10 years, I haven't lived without FP. How do you guys managed not to have FP? I'm a woman, and most/all of my FPs are also women. I see them as my family, mother, sister sort of.

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Fp #FavoritePerson


Just joined

Hello! Im Alexus and I was diagnosed with depression, BPD, and PTSD related to childhood trauma. I'm 26 and at this point my mental health has gotten so bad that I'm unable to work. Kinda unwilling too tbh, job market is garbage. Anyways, I was drawn here by the articles. I'm realizing that I have a favorite person and am figuring out how to deal with it #FavoritePerson #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

28 reactions 10 comments

Hurting myself through my Favorite Person

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson
I don't know of this is a thing or not but I feel like I have been hurting myself pushing my favorite person away. I always try to make up hurtful scenarios in which I tell my favorite person things to push him away, trying to get a reaction from him that will either hurt me or giving me the "oh, he actually likes me" feeling. I know this is toxic for both of us and I wish I knew how to interact with my favorite person without feeling that I hate him, that I wish I knew how to make him love me, etc. Talking to him or even thinkig about him is so hard nowadays and I wish I knew how to stop having a favorite person.

7 reactions 4 comments

If you have a favorite person what is their relationship to you? Like significant other, friend, family member? Are they of the opposite sex?

My FP is a friend who is a female. All of my FP's have been female and I'm a male. They've always been my best friend as well. I've met a lot of borderlines in the past who's favorite person was of the opposite sex and often times their best friend. I've met some who it's also been their significant other or a family member as well but it's not always the case. #FavoritePerson #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

11 reactions 12 comments

Praise Report

So my recent posts about taking responsibility for my behavior has resulted in an unexpected result. In my "apology tour" I emailed my former favorite person (ashamed to say I did include my profile pic here to jog his memory a bit😉) and to my astonishment he responded for the first time since last June and kept responding! Let me give you a brief picture of my inner feelings.

1) I have been praying for him for two years.
2) I love him more than any other man.
3) I want him in my life permanently.
4) I want to be with him, I want him to wife me.
5) I will NOT go back to that cat and mouse game that about destroyed me. I will not put myself through that or risk another breakdown. I wouldn't have been able to say this yesterday.

I will continue to pray for him and seek God's will when it comes to things with this guy. I will not give up but I also will not give in to abuse. #FavoritePerson #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #TheMighty

17 reactions 8 comments

Could it be?

Could it be that our FP's merely represent something in our lives that we are missing? I'm not sure it was him but rather the pursuit (attention), the physical touch (comfort) and the security (protection) I was lacking. He gave it to me then took it away, baiting me, hooking me then throwing me back thus leaving me desperately fighting to get it all back. Sound familiar to anyone else?🐟🐟🐟#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson #whatif #coulditbe


I have BPD and my favorite person thought I was nosey

First a little complicated.. she's my ex.. who I broke up with because yes I got scared and now i know i was wrong. So she said Maybe someday I have hope and I just want to be close to her all the time..sorry off this topic. Well she got off work and she was threatened on the way home and wanted to be alone.. I understood. She said she may go away for the weekend too. Also couldn't blame her.. I was feeling a little selfish thar day because I had a small test done and wasn't supposed to be left alone and she said she'd be there.. but I mean who wouldn't want to collect themselves after what happend. Anyways, sat morning I said goodmorning and nothing.. nothing to the point it was supper time and she's never done this. At this point I'm in a panic because I just need to hear the words I'm ok. I didn't hear from her till Monday morning and she was upset with me for asking her not to scare me like that. I know I broke her heart and I deserve to be hurting and maybe I'll never have her back... and all she could really say was I was trying to control everything and was nosey. I truly believe of I heard the words I'm ok Saturday morning I wouldn't have had a little breakdown all weekend. I can't stop playing it through my head. I would never do that to someone of i cared about them amd said I understood their disorder. Am I wrong for wanting to be with her even though I don't feel wanted, but it's my fault? I don't know what to think to he honest #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #nosey #FavoritePerson #confused #overthinking #Wanted #Depression

3 reactions 1 comment

Continued Abuse

I just had the horrible realization that my FP emotionally and mentally abused me. I didn't realize it because I loved and cared for and stayed in constant prayer for him and the situation. I feel like the last few years have been a lie. I still love him despite his behavior because I know the wounding he experienced that led to his abusive behavior. I am devastated by this revelation. It hurts in my stomach, my mind and unbearably in my heart. I have spent so much time, effort and energy on that man, praying more fervently and tensely than ever before and for years. I put so much of myself in the situation with him, sticking by him through it all. What am I supposed to do with this information? So far it is teaching me that prayer has no power and that God didn't protect me...again. I'm not angry with him, I'm angry at God because I prayed more than ever before and the worst case still happened. This is a huge hit to my faith. I was trusting God the best I could. This just proves that I can't trust Him with my heart after all. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson

1 reaction 2 comments