favorite person

My FP is a friend who is a female. All of my FP's have been female and I'm a male. They've always been my best friend as well. I've met a lot of borderlines in the past who's favorite person was of the opposite sex and often times their best friend. I've met some who it's also been their significant other or a family member as well but it's not always the case. #FavoritePerson #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

So my recent posts about taking responsibility for my behavior has resulted in an unexpected result. In my "apology tour" I emailed my former favorite person (ashamed to say I did include my profile pic here to jog his memory a bit😉) and to my astonishment he responded for the first time since last June and kept responding! Let me give you a brief picture of my inner feelings.

1) I have been praying for him for two years.
2) I love him more than any other man.
3) I want him in my life permanently.
4) I want to be with him, I want him to wife me.
5) I will NOT go back to that cat and mouse game that about destroyed me. I will not put myself through that or risk another breakdown. I wouldn't have been able to say this yesterday.

I will continue to pray for him and seek God's will when it comes to things with this guy. I will not give up but I also will not give in to abuse. #FavoritePerson #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #TheMighty

Could it be that our FP's merely represent something in our lives that we are missing? I'm not sure it was him but rather the pursuit (attention), the physical touch (comfort) and the security (protection) I was lacking. He gave it to me then took it away, baiting me, hooking me then throwing me back thus leaving me desperately fighting to get it all back. Sound familiar to anyone else?🐟🐟🐟#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson #whatif #coulditbe

First a little complicated.. she's my ex.. who I broke up with because yes I got scared and now i know i was wrong. So she said Maybe someday I have hope and I just want to be close to her all the time..sorry off this topic. Well she got off work and she was threatened on the way home and wanted to be alone.. I understood. She said she may go away for the weekend too. Also couldn't blame her.. I was feeling a little selfish thar day because I had a small test done and wasn't supposed to be left alone and she said she'd be there.. but I mean who wouldn't want to collect themselves after what happend. Anyways, sat morning I said goodmorning and nothing.. nothing to the point it was supper time and she's never done this. At this point I'm in a panic because I just need to hear the words I'm ok. I didn't hear from her till Monday morning and she was upset with me for asking her not to scare me like that. I know I broke her heart and I deserve to be hurting and maybe I'll never have her back... and all she could really say was I was trying to control everything and was nosey. I truly believe of I heard the words I'm ok Saturday morning I wouldn't have had a little breakdown all weekend. I can't stop playing it through my head. I would never do that to someone of i cared about them amd said I understood their disorder. Am I wrong for wanting to be with her even though I don't feel wanted, but it's my fault? I don't know what to think to he honest #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #nosey #FavoritePerson #confused #overthinking #Wanted #Depression

I just had the horrible realization that my FP emotionally and mentally abused me. I didn't realize it because I loved and cared for and stayed in constant prayer for him and the situation. I feel like the last few years have been a lie. I still love him despite his behavior because I know the wounding he experienced that led to his abusive behavior. I am devastated by this revelation. It hurts in my stomach, my mind and unbearably in my heart. I have spent so much time, effort and energy on that man, praying more fervently and tensely than ever before and for years. I put so much of myself in the situation with him, sticking by him through it all. What am I supposed to do with this information? So far it is teaching me that prayer has no power and that God didn't protect me...again. I'm not angry with him, I'm angry at God because I prayed more than ever before and the worst case still happened. This is a huge hit to my faith. I was trusting God the best I could. This just proves that I can't trust Him with my heart after all. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson

How can one single person affect us so much? How and why do our minds get so fixated on one individual? How can the fixation continue for 6 months or more after the last contact with them? What are the mechanics behind this? This is by far the most difficult symptom for me. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson

To my FP. I'm closing the door and locking it this time. You lost my prayers. You lost my love. You lost me. To hell with you. You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it. Sincerely, the one person on earth who would've taken a bullet for you. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson #everyonehastheirlimit

How did you get your FP out of your head and out of your heart without replacing them?

Also, for anyone in school with BPD, either past or present,did you receive any special accommodations? If so, what? I know I need them but I have no idea what.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson #School #College

My illness wants that person, NOT ME.
Simple yet freeing. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson

I was doing so well today until a school assignment caused a trigger. That unleashed a cascade of reminders and thoughts of my former FP😭 When faced with an unavoidable trigger, do you have a way to stop the thoughts before they start? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson #trigger