Ambiguous Loss/Ambiguous Grief..
My oldest daughter died this month..She died in my mind, because she acts as though we were dead to her. I don’t wish her harm. I’ll still pray for her..but I don’t like living with the deep hurt.
“She died,”might be easier to accept? She has Stage 4 Metastatic Cancer and is now on year 4 and in a NED for a year. I tried to reconcile with her, but apparently there is no give with her and she can not meet me halfway. She never said why she alienated us. We were friends, we were her parents.
I know that she isn’t good for my mental health. It will take some time to move on from this figurative death. I’ve been grieving for sometime at the thought of losing her to actual death..To an anticipatory death, instead of an ambiguous loss or grief. I wonder if it’s that far from actually accepting that she’s gone? Most likely, we’ll never talk again, and that I might not see her again in this life.
Some people might not accept or understand this as grief. It’s very lonely, because those around me can make me feel isolated. They don’t give me permission to grieve because they don’t wish to acknowledge it. I give myself permission to grieve the loss..#ComplicatedGrief #Grief #PTSD #Depression #MentalHealth #movingon