Insonmia

Well we’re just about done moving everything over to my folks tiny home 🏡 Today I’m doing the laundry 🧺 and boy is there a lot! I think it’s going to take me a good 4 to 5 hours to finish it maybe longer. Hopefully I don’t fall asleep 😴 while doing it; it really seems like a possibility with how tired out I am.

It’s scary, moving from all I know and am familiar with into the unknown. First my having to leave the log cabin and near 20 acres I grew up on to move into a small city. And now leaving the city that I have some familiarity with for true complete unknown.

I’m starting a new life. A new chapter. It doesn’t stop there though. After I move in with my folks renting from them, I will be looking for a place of my own. Everything I know is changing or I’m leaving. So my anxiety and fear is really kicking in.

For those of you who don’t know I have OCD, ADHD, Autism or Aspergers, and Tourette’s. I’ve never been able to hold a job long because of my mental and physical disabilities. So I’m struggling with trusting that God has everything under control. I do have a head knowledge of this. It’s just hard when my chemical induced anxiety won’t be quiet.

I yearn so badly to be able to function as an adult and to have a family one day. To live my life and share it in service to God.
I know no matter what happens though that God has a purpose for me. Still the desire to be an adult and have a partner beside me is there.

I only hope and pray that I will bring glory to God through my life. I probably have already in some way and don’t even see it. I know that I’m not saved by works. That isn’t what I’m after. Works will come naturally from my love for God and my desire to serve him.

I sometimes feel I lack that desire and it scares me. Though if I’m worried about it, that means I do care. I do want what is right.

Prayers 🙏 are appreciated! God bless y’all!😇