exhausted

° " So I Have Been Up Since 6AM I Couldn't Sleep... Got To Work At 7:30 And My Male Boss Was Like You're Here Already... Yes!!! I'm Alway's Here Early Because Traffic Can Be Annoying Etc... Plus I Don't Like Being Late To Work... And Then He Asked Me If I Wanted The Rest Of The Day Off... I Was Definitely! But Don't You Need Help Ha Ha! He Was Like No We Are Good. My Friend Was Like Girl Enjoy Your Day Off... You're Alway's Here Anyway's... So I Came Back Home.. 😃 And I'm Just Writing Here My Thought's.. I'm Still Sore So Whatever I Worked 30 Hour's This Week... " ° Sincerely, ▪︎▪︎•Skaoi Kvitravn•▪︎▪︎#Thought 's

° " So Yesterday My Older Brother Came Over And Paid For My Rent.. Which Is $500 A Month... Now I Have To Pay Him Back. Well Thing's Have Gotten More Wierd At Work 3 People Quit.. And Now I Have Been Working 6 Day's A Week With No Rest And Getting Home At 4 Or 5... This Week I Get 35.00 Hour's.. Last Time It Was 14.00 Hour's... But The Work Load Is Too Much For Me To Do... And My Boss Doesn't Seem To Get It... I'm Extremely Sore And Tired... I Cannot Get Any Sleep... My Anxiety Is High Because All I Can Hear Are My Boss And People Constantly Yelling In My Head... My Mental Health Is High Risk Right Now... I've Completed 2 Year's Working For T.C. On Jan 31st... I'm Afraid To Ask My Boss For A Raise. She Already Think's That I'm Lazy Which Is Not True.. My Other Co-worker's Tell Her Alot Of Lie's About Me... But Who Show's Up When They Desperately Need Help Me... So I Don't Understand People At All Anymore... My Depression Is Severe Currently... But I Make It To Work... I Cut Myself At Work The Other Day.. And I Can't Feel When I Accidentally Cut Myself.. Until I Run Hot Water Then I Feel It. Or When I Hit Myself On Something.. Again I Can't Feel Anything... " • Sincerely, ○○••Skaoi Kvitravn••○○ #exhausted #Depression #Anxiety #s .A.D

I haven't washed my hair in two weeks or showered in two days. Running the dishwasher this morning felt like running a marathon. And I don't know how to stop hating myself for it.

I hate myself for my depression and for my anxiety and I hate myself for my privilege. I have plenty in my life to be grateful for - but I just feel exhausted. I remember my mom telling me when I was 11 that I was the laziest person she had ever met. My stepmom told me I was the most selfish. They're both right I guess.

It's been a hard few days for no reason at all.#Depression #exhausted

So I've done everything to the sleep timetable even quit smoking early and putting phone down. Hopefully combination with çouple of prescriptions I may get some sleep... please? #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #exhausted #stuckinthepast

Feel free to ignore, just need to get this out...

I'm tired. Exhausted. All the time. I'm tired of insomnia and restless nights. I'm tired of nightmares and flashbacks. Tired of racing thoughts swirling through my mind every second of every day. Tired of anxiety and panic attacks. Tired of depression and dissociating 90% of the time. I'm tired of being tired. I try to focus on the good in my life, but I feel like the bad far outweighs the good regardless of the balancing act I try to play. While I know I'm not where I used to be, I'm not where I want to be. Even when I have moments where I have the mental, physical and emotional capability to do what I need to do to get to where I want to be, it never lasts long and I take 1 step forward just to take 50 steps back. It's true what they say, we are our own worst enemy. I am my own worst enemy, this I know to be true. I feel like I am stuck in my head so often that it makes me feel like I'm stuck in life. There are too many moments where I wish I didn't exist. At the very least, I wish I could disappear and not have to exist, not have to answer to anyone or anything, and could just rewire my brain so I could function like a "normal" human being, whatever that is. I'm just tired. I'm tired and want to disappear for a while. #PersonalGrowth #Anxiety #Depression #tired #exhausted #Insomnia #PanicAttacks #Disappear

I’ve never been to a mental hospital stay. I’ve been so so so close but was afraid to scare my kids. I often want to go especially here lately. Just to get away from life and reality which has become unmanageable and almost unbearable lately. But again don’t want my kids upset and living in a small town makes it tricky as well. I’ve heard not so many good things about those places and also I don’t work as I’m on disability so it’s not like I can’t just manage at home so why do I want to go there? I feel it’s stupid but something inside of me keeps pulling me to want to go. It makes no sense. I have a therapist see every two weeks and a psychiatrist. I feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Taking my meds, trying to rest as much as possible, etc. so why do I feel the urge to go away a few days? I have my fears certainly about the place! For as long as I can remember I wanted to go to the hospital for a few days. I don’t want to be really sick or hurt but I’ve fantasized about being in the hospital… being taken care of and no responsibility or concerns.. no cooking or cleaning. Etc what’s wrong with me. #BipolarDepression #CPTSD #MentalHealth #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #Sadness #exhausted

Have you ever had a day where you just want to throw your hands in the air and just say, “I’m done!” However, you know throwing your arms in the air aren’t possible in the first place because you hurt so very much. Also, you have way too many responsibilities as a parent and spouse to do just throw in the towel. I suffer from Rheumtoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, CRPS, Scoliosis, and Lupus and am currently in a massive flare. I’m exhausted and in pain, but I can’t rest or get comfortable. I work full time as a Special Education Teacher and have to walk from one side of the building to the other all day long and use every bit of my possible energy at work so when I get home I have no spoons/energy left when I get home. It’s also my daughter’s senior year in high school and she’s currently in the middle of softball with playoffs about to start.
I am not scheduled for an infusion until November and haven’t had one in forever due to going into liver failure and being diagnosed with Autoimmune Hepatitis over the summer. I swannee my immune system is truly trying to kill me! I’m so ready to feel better but don’t when that will be. Today is just one of those days when I feel like and realize this is possibly what the remainder of my life and body is going to feel like. Yuck! The bright spots in all of this is I have an amazing support system in my family including my husband, parents, in-laws, children, and friends. I also have my faith in Jesus and that He is watching over me and helping me through it all.
I apologize for my rambling. I just know only people who experience this truly understand the frustration and sadness of living in chronic pain.
Thank you for reading this far.
#ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #chronicmigraine #RaynaudsPhenomenon #AutoimmuneDisease #AutoimmuneHepatitis #Spoonie #exhausted

I’m a newlywed and all I do is cry … it’s coming up about a month since my wedding day. I feel like my depression is back all I do is cry. I hate it I’m not happy at all, sad it’s over. The fairytales lied. I HATE living such an emotional life. I’m so sick of it. #Depression #igiveup #exhausted #dispointed #Agoraphobia