internalized ableism

I am feeling a lot of shame and internalized ableism after finding a sense of relief with my back brace. I immediately felt cinched in and relieved the micro movements in my spine the moment I strapped my brace in place.

Although, I felt happy and hopeful about finding a non-medication form of pain relief. Dealing with the hate and skepticism of an invisible illness and having people gaslight me and tell me I am too young or look "able" enough to wear a brace. Sent me off to a PTSD rage fit where I almost destroyed my brace and assistive devices altogether.

I felt like I wasn't ready to be in public and have people focus on my back brace. Or dealing with the pitiful looks. Why do I feel shame after feeling happy I gained more spoons.

#EhlersDanlosSociety #ChronicPain #PTSD #InternalizedAbleism