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    Ableism within the autism community

    Don't take out your frustrations on your child's disability. I wouldn't get rid of my autism if I had the chance to #Ableism #Autism #ParentsOfChildrenWithSpecialNeeds #Parents #InternalizedAbleism #AutismAcceptance #actuallyautistic


    Being Autistic didn’t stop me from illustrating 22 books

    I’ve illustrated 22 books to date 🙏🏽 🦋 Never make fun of someone's passion, it could just be the thing that saves them from the world 🦋 or even themselves Art is LIFE art saved my life, if I didn't have a friend I have art, if I have nowhere else to turn I have art, if I can't speak it I can draw it, art was my first form of communication I drew before I spoke! I never thought others would trust me with their visions I never knew something I did to help me continue living would be loved by others! Limitless, that's how art makes me feel, if you have a child with any type of disorder & you see their passion for it or even just a developing interest! FEED it, feed that passion because the limits the world puts on us, can't fly if we don't accept them #Autism #AutisticAdults #actuallyautistic #AutismAcceptance #AutisticNotWeird #autisticandblack #autizzy

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    You Can Call Me Butterfly

    I used to have a blog.

    Actually I’m probably one of the original bloggers. I’ve had blogs since before blogs were a thing. In fact, even before the internet was common, I would write my thoughts in a notebook and then let anyone read it if they were even mildly interested.

    Writing has always been my way of communicating with the world.

    But recently, someone I thought of as a friend did a hard Google search on me and found al of my old blogs dating back to the beginning of time. Which wouldn’t have been bad… I knew they were on the internet and I never wrote anything that I was ashamed of. I always wrote the truth. My truth.

    But she misconstrued everything I wrote, in such horrible ways. She twisted my words until she had. Hi,t me up as a monster in her imagination.

    I don’t know if she has her own mental health issues she’s battling, it seems like it. But when my past and current blogs because something she was perseverating on constantly, I had to delete them all for my own safety and peace of mind.

    But I’m lost without a blog. So many things I’ve been wanting to tell the world, but I can’t!

    So I’ve decided to start writing here.

    I know this isn’t exactly a blogging platform, but it’s a place where I can express my thoughts and feelings to people who might understand and might even be interested.

    So if you’re wondering, my name is Butterfly (not really, but it’s what I’m calling myself to keep myself somewhat anonymous so nobody I know in real life can find a way to use my own words to destroy me.) I live in a weird little town where everyone knows everyone else’s business and almost everyone is just a little bit……. Well, let’s just say I like to call this place the Island of Misfit Toys. I’m a 43 year old who looks 14, lives in overalls and weeklies, loves painting, adores animals, and contends with autism, ADHD, depression, anxiety, and probably more.

    If you read my posts, I hope you’ll stop to say hi!

    #Autistic #actuallyautistic #ADHD

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    I'm turning 65 next month, and just yesterday they added ASD (Autism) to my permanent medical record.

    I've written before about how I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a few decades, and the therapies and various prescription medicines never helped me. In fact, they nearly killed me.

    In my last year on the meds, I got lithium toxicity, and was rushed to a trauma center a hundred miles from home, and spent a week in ICU. That was the autumn of 2021, and I am still recovering now in February 2023.

    Yesterday I saw my third psychiatrist in a row who told me I had never been bipoloar, but I am Autistic. This time he put it all on paper, and entered it into my medical records. I guess that means it's official. Or maybe 'I' am official? Nah. I'm still just me.

    I never had an inkling that I might be Autistic before sometime last summer, when I read a story in The Mighty by someone who found out accidentally that she was Autistic while she was having one of her children tested and assessed. When she described her life and her challenges, she sounded to me like she was describing my own life.

    From that point onward, I started reading everything that I could get my hands on about the Autism Spectrum.

    Then there were the internet tests, the books with tests, and finally talking to doctors and to Autistics.

    Eventually, I was convinced beyond any reason of a doubt that I myself was, and am Autistic. Thereafter, I brought it up with my psychiatrist, and it took off from there.

    That brings me back to yesterday, and the third psychiatrist to agree, and who added it into my medical record.

    Now if I can get my General Practitioner to remove the bipolar label from my record there, I will feel like I can finally relax a little.

    I don't have a problem with bipolar in itself. I just have a major problem with being misdiagnosed for decades and spending the bulk of my money on therapy and prescriptions that kept me physically exhausted and in a heavy mental fog for decades, and didn't help me in any way. I feel like the majority of my life was wasted.

    So to have the label removed from my records is removing a constant painful reminder of all the life that I missed in my youth and middle age.

    I am going to spend the rest of my years as a happy, grateful Autistic old dude. Peace be with you all.

    #Autistic #actuallyautistic #audhd #ADHD #Autism #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismAcceptance #Stimming #Dysgraphia #dyscalcula #pathologicaldemandavoidance #PDA #AutisticInertia #AutisticBurnout
    #EFD #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder #executivedysfunction #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RSD
    #ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #rad #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #Dysthymia #Specialinterest
    #Hyperfocus #hypervigilant #SensoryOverstimulation #SensoryIssues #SensoryPain


    11 reactions 1 comment

    Introducing myself.

    Hi, everyone. I’m new here. I’m exclusively going by my username @aspie4ev3r for the sake of anonymity. And while it’ll take some time for me to get to the point where I’m comfortable opening up, I’m glad to have (hopefully) found a supportive community where I can be appreciated and accepted. #actuallyautistic #Aspergers #AspergersSyndromeAwareness #AutismAcceptance #Neurodiversity

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    The Holidays For Me As A Black Autistic Woman

    The Holidays For me As A Black Autistic Woman

    We all love the holidays don’t we? Family, food, festive gatherings, gifts etc… well me personally I hate them! Here’s why. We come together and bond over food with our family we bond over gift exchanging we bond over catching up with what those we haven seen in awhile are doing, its all love languages its all love, so how could you Hate, Love? Love can be triggering too, as a late diagnosed autistic I was and still am looked at as rude and stand offish meanwhile I’m just trying not to faint from sensory overload , yes it’s great to see family you haven’t seen in a while its beautiful they all came together, cooking for each other is a act of love but for me… seeing too many people at once especially those I’m not really used to, gives me anxiety, being forced to eat different foods made by different people ( because turning down food at a black gathering is a crime) with different taste, textures, smells, the mixture of all the different smells and seasonings because you know seasoning is important, the overload of the different range of and tones of voices all running together etc is adding to the sensory overload you are already having from the overstimulation from everyone wanting to and proceeding to hug you because there haven’t seen you in awhile, its A LOT and while it may seem harmless those that don’t understand autism and doing harm by not even attempting to learn about it I don’t fault my family or black community because a black face has never been the face of autism and a black women has definitely never been the face of autism, luckily at black family gatherings there’s a coat room you know the designated room where all the coats are in a room on someones bed ( which by the way bothers me because that’s outside clothes on a bed) but that’s besides the point, there’s a always a room with coats and occasionally a sleeping baby, but my point is its quite there and I can escape and hide there until I’m physically and mentally able to somewhat function around everyone again, to avoid being called rude or being in a bad mood or being disrespectful , black grandmothers and elders do not tolerate disrespect and what black grandmothers do you that are familiar with autism and autistic traits? Not many if their not doctors, teachers, or some other type of expert etc. so while the holidays are great for some and I love my family and relatives The Holidays for me as a Black Autistic Woman are something that I celebrate being over #Autism #Autistic #AutismAcceptance #actuallyautistic #autizzy #SensoryProcessingDisorder #SensoryOverload #Neurodiversity #neurospicy #neurodivergent

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    We've had all our shots, but caught Covid-19, and have it now. #COVID19 #Depression #ADHD #Autism #actuallyautistic #Anxiety

    From the very beginning, my wife and I have been extremely careful about Covid-19. We stayed home, wore surgical masks when we did go out, used hand cleaner profusely, and did other things, as well. Up until last week, we were covid-free.

    But my wife's mother in a nursing home in another state was going downhill, and my wife wanted to see her again. I supported her, and still do. But while she was there, they had a breakout of Covid-19 in the nursing home, and 19 patients caught it, my wife's mother being one of them. She came home, and by the time she got here, she was sick. She took a test, and it was positive for Covid-19. I started getting sick, as well, and now I have it, too.

    It is rough. It's worse than any flu I have ever had, and almost as bad as pneumonia so far. I don't know if I will get worse or better from here, but because we have both had all our vaccines, I suspect that we won't get too much worse. That's the assumption and hope anyway.

    We're lucky to be where we are, I guess. Late in the pandemic, and having had our shots. I'm glad we didn't catch it early, when it was apparently stronger, and no vaccines or treatments existed. I feel bad for all those people. I'm just trying to look on the positives, and not let this drag me farther down into the pit of depression. Count your blessings, in other words. Because this feels like crap. Have a nice day everyone. ♣


    Might lose my marriage because of my sensory needs?

    Posting because there’s no one else I can talk to about this.

    My wife loves animals. Shes very empathetic towards animals, especially pets. Her dog passed away almost two years ago from old age, and she was distraught for months. Because of my illnesses and disability we can’t really take care of a dog, but we decided to get a cat last august mostly for my wife, but also so I’d have companionship during the day.

    The previous owner says she was chatty, but I didn’t realize what that would actually mean for me. This cat meows constantly, incessantly, all day, and it is sensory hell for me. I’ve told my wife it feels like someone is hammering a railroad spike into my brain.

    This sensory hell has led to several meltdowns for me (I’m autistic) which then lead to a flare up of my illnesses. In a desperate moment, I said to my wife that I don’t know how we can keep the cat with the pain her meowing causes me. It’s literal torture.

    My wife said that she didn’t want to have to choose between me and the cat, and that it would usually be a dealbreaker in her relationships. It was heartbreaking to hear that I’m on the same level as a cat for her and that I could potentially lose my relationship over something that I can’t help.

    So I’ve been dealing with that for a while, and it’s making me want to die. Not actively, but just, the dehumanization of it, and not feeling safe and secure in my home or relationship. I’ve been dissociating regularly since that conversation and whenever she’s brought it up since then.

    She does research, now, on sensory pain, not because she cares about my well-being but because “she wants to keep me and the cat”. And it’s especially gross because she’s not researching how she can make things less painful for me. She’s researching medical treatments for sensory issues, which is all kinds of problematic, and then able-splaining my SPD to me.

    The whole situation is horrible and I’m left wondering if I want to be in a relationship with someone like this, but as you guys know, even if I wanted to leave, it’s not that simple. It’s unlikely anyone else I found would be more understanding, plus she is my carer and she financially supports me. Without her I’d be homeless and destitute and without care. Plus I love her very much. Just, as a disabled person, I have to think about these things. Ugh. # autism #actuallyautistic
    #SensoryProcessingDisorder #SensoryIssues #Fibromyalgia #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #neurologicalpain

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    Growing up Undiagnosed - My Internal Chaos

    Growing up undiagnosed, I was always the odd one out. Whether it was my weird quirks, my executive functioning challenges, my daydreaming or simply the fact how I perceived and did everything differently - achieving the same result but choosing the route most people wouldn’t consider and no, my routes usually weren’t shortcuts.

    My brain needs logic. My brain needs answers. My brain can’t move on if I don’t have logic or answers. Ironically, at the same time – my brain is hyperactive. It can’t stop working. It jumps from one thing to another, not being able to stop. That is the beauty and sometimes a curse of having ADHD and Autism together. At times, it’s like having two forces working against each other.

    On many occasions I remember thinking to myself or sharing with my mother that I wasn’t made for this world. Not that the world was cruel to me. I have been blessed in more ways than I can count but I felt the odd one out. Always. In every situation.

    Such a beautiful blue sky. Is it looking blue to everyone? Or is my perception of blue different than others? - My communication differences in terms of interpretations were so stark that I began second guessing everything I was seeing.

    Then there was eye contact.

    Eye contact was and I guess still is the standard for respectful communication. On the surface, I never had trouble making eye contact. Inside my mind though, I had trouble tracking the conversations because I was forcefully focused on maintaining the eye contact and then the stress of making sure that my non-verbal communication was appropriate. Am I smiling enough? Oh no – my lips are quivering? And then my eye would start blinking rapidly.

    I thought I was weird. I started acting like an extrovert to hide my quirks and my challenges with executive functioning. In many cultures, executive functioning challenges of a person who has no visible disability are deemed as laziness or are assigned other such labels.

    Now that I know about my neurodivergence – I have extended some grace to myself. I no longer call myself lazy or assign labels to myself that the world once assigned to me.

    I understand why I struggle to maintain consistency.

    I understand why I forget things.

    I understand that sometimes I eat for stimulation – just to keep my brain excited.

    I understand why I am unable to do routine tasks that come naturally to most people.

    I extend myself grace when my house is messy, or when the sink is full of dirty dishes.

    I understand and accept that it’s okay to need help and it’s okay to need support and accommodations.

    I know now that my brain works differently and instead of forcing it to be more like other people’s brain, I now want it to be the best version of itself.

    Not better or worse than others because it’s not a comparison.

    Just the best it can be.

    I don’t know whether this post makes sense or not – there are many things I haven’t shared and want to but articulating my personal experiences into words for others to understand is probably one of the hardest things I have done.

    Until next time.

    #Neurodiversity #Autism #ADHD #actuallyautistic #neurodivergence #mylife #KindTheory #Acceptance #Selfacceptance #myinternalchaos

    Picture ID: Photo of a multi-colored beautiful brain representing neurological variants and brain diversity.

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