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Boundaries and Parents

Finding out I was psychologically abused by my parents has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. Setting boundaries with them was even harder. Finally, cutting them out of my life because they're too wrapped up in their own toxic mess has been heartbreaking.

The self doubt, shame and guilt that has come from this whole journey has been debilitating. I haven't wanted to go to work, I have barely been surviving.

Constantly thinking that it was all my fault and maybe if I wasn't around my family would be different or I'm a horrible daughter for treating them this way, for cutting them out, for not speaking to them.

I've still have a long, long way to go. For anyone out there struggling with this too, I'm not going to lie, it is difficult and it is painful.

But I wouldn't change this struggle for anything. I found my inner child and I am learning to cherish her. I have an imagination again, I'm laughing genuinely for the first time in a long time. And that is beautiful. #PTSD #Parents #Alcoholism #pyschologicalabsue #MentalHealth #boundaries

15 reactions 3 comments
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Told my mom about moving in with my dad...it didn't go well | TW parents, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, swearing, one all cap text, suicide ideation

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I've finally told my mom that after considering, I plan to move with my dad, and said that it had nothing against her. She was offended, she even said it, too. Continuously guilt-tripping me with words like "I do everything I can for you, and yet you still chose him over me."

I told her to stop guilt-tripping me and told her numerous times that it had nothing against her. She acted like she wasn't offended and understood my decision, but as someone with autism and whose mother has been mentally abusive for most of my life, I knew she was deep down. She denied that she was guilt-tripping, and has even accused me of guilt-tripping her when I said out loud that I then wanted to kill myself (out of stress, disbelief, and not wanting to deal with the pain anymore). Not to mention that I was just looking for ways to kill myself three days ago because of this stupid society. She even said something like "how can you get mad at me when everyone else in the world does that" when I mentioned that she used to fat-shame me, shame me for not taking showers at times and compared me to others, etc... she even denied that she even MOCKED me because she thought that I was offended, when really I couldn't hear her the first time, and I told her that, too!!

I don't fucking care if she started to talk in a more understanding matter and was no longer offended and acts like she actually cares about me (like she does every fucking time we have start an argument), I'm not forgiving her for saying those things. At this point, she doesn't deserve it. One of my queerplatonic partners (not friends, but not romantic) is now pissed.. well, every one of my partners are now pissed at her at this point, and are very glad that I chose to move in with my dad instead of staying with her. She has never changed when it comes to my dad. I'm honestly very disappointed that she even acted that way. I'm fucking 21 years old, a fucking adult who can make their own fucking decisions, and yet she still hasn't changed. 😞😡

I already don't like my (older) sister very much, either, because I always feel like she gaslights me whenever we get into conflict as well.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #Family #FamilyAndFriends #GuiltTrip #SocialAnxiety #moving #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disappointed #MentalHealth #WOW #Parent #Parents #mentalabuse #Abuse #Siblings #Gaslighting

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Hell On Wheels

I'm so just done with my home life. My mother and I aren't on speaking terms because of how she has been acting and she keeps trying to talk to me and I'm shutting her down because she is blaming me for the whole situation. I have a handful of people who care and believe me and no one else. I keep getting told by everyone to communicate but I keep trying to and I get shut down. What else can I do? I have been suicidal for four days due to my lack of support and dysfunctional parents. I have a cherry on top too! I'm sick and my therapist canceled our appointment today. #LGBTQIA #lonely #Trapped #Suicide #Parents

4 reactions 1 comment
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I don't wanna die but I can't live like this

I can't live like this anymore. I need my friends..girlfriend....anybody #Suicide #Parents #MentalHealth

16 reactions 9 comments
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Ableism within the autism community

Don't take out your frustrations on your child's disability. I wouldn't get rid of my autism if I had the chance to #Ableism #Autism #ParentsOfChildrenWithSpecialNeeds #Parents #InternalizedAbleism #AutismAcceptance #actuallyautistic

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This is a rough season

This is my first Christmas without my Mom. I miss her so much; but my mind is free to remember all the happiness and fun she and my Dad gave our whole family at Christmastime.

I’m so lucky to have good memories!
#Christmas #Memories #Parents

6 reactions
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Just a funny thought…

Children are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit weird. #Humor #Truth , no truer words at the moment..😆#sunday #Parents #Children Family is messy..

1 comment
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Unwanted #Family Contact

I have been avoiding contact with nearly all family members for the past couple years in order to better cope with my mental health challenges.

I got an email from my mom a few days ago saying she and dad would be in town today and would like to "repair our relationship". So that email had me feeling suffocated and trapped and even a bit angry. It got me planning out how to pretend no one was home in my apartment so that if they stopped by without notice, they would accept that I wasn't here and just leave.

So, yesterday, I decided that I would try being brave and open my blinds (which I rarely do in general) since my parents wouldn't be in town yet. About an hour after this decision, I had a knock on my door. I thought it was my landlord, so I did open the door. Instead, it was my mom's cousin. She is around 70 years of age and her mother just passed away in the spring (I have previously written about that funeral). She was standing at my door holding a huge bouquet of flowers and a white bag. Note that I have never given her my address (on purpose), so she has to have gotten my address from my mom.

Anyway, so she gives me the bouquet and the bag of veggies from her garden and asks several times if I'm ok. Then she invited me on a walk in a nearby park, but I declined because I was in my pajamas (and because I absolutely did not want to go). So then she offered to wait while I got changed. I declined again, and then she asked me to drop by and visit her any time.

As soon as she left, I viciously shut my blinds and felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt sick to my stomach and my mind started racing with the likely fall-out of this visit, especially how it would likely embolden my parents to force their way into my life. Now it's a day later and I'm dealing with acid reflux due to the anxiety.

Is it so much to ask for my wishes to be respected? Situations like this make my fantasy of running away and changing my name feel more and more like a good option.

#Family #Relationships #Parents #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Respect #Trauma #home

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Beautiful Children

Does anyone else, who finds it difficult to make memories 'the traditional way' with their children (eg too unwell to run around with, go on holidays or go on days out) find it really upsetting to watch them grow up?
when you haven't been able to make the same memories as everybody else?

Or feel like you have been robbed of being a traditional parent, and being able to enjoy their preschool years at home together, because as you were too ill to fully embrace this special time?

My youngest has just started school properly after reception (kindergarten) and the past 3 years I've not been able to make memories with him in the way that I did with my elder son (12) before i fell ill 3 years ago.

He was my little man and we did everything together.

Now I realise 3 years has been lost and wasted to bedbound illness and suddenly my baby is no longer a baby like before, he is almost 6. Though we cuddle and play quietly often, I feel heartbroken and sad ill never be able to 'redo' those special times.

Can anyone relate? As im struggling to move on from this

Any advice very much appreciated, love Grace

#Children #Family #Love #Memories #sad #mummy #ChronicIllness #CFS #ME #UCTD #longcovid #Parents

8 comments