It’s not a home without your fur kids 🐾🥰
Losing a son at a 100 days after he was born and having 4 miscarriages ,one being recently … adds a lot of depression and loneliness and feelings of not being worthy , guilt and every year round the times of loss … I go manic too avoid because I know if I don’t … I’ll go in a deep depression .. it’s like I can’t help it … I’m a emotion avoider mainly cause I feel everything so intensely.. I sometimes don’t feel safe if I let myself go there … and it’s so taboo too talk about and I keep most of it all bottled inside …. Because I am at the age woman have kids or trying I always feel like I am there biggest fear … or that’s what my brain 🧠 tells me …. But this morning the huskies were all snuggled in bed and I realized I don’t know what I would do without these fur babies and fish baby ! I make them homemade food , spoil them and treat them as if they are kids , break up fights , have an connection with all of them .. heck my little husky girl and I go get our nails painted together …I’m super maternal to everything and everyone around me (I am a plant mom too) and I’m only writing this because with being diagnosed with bipolar and all the trauma around having a baby for me and losing many and the one I had and loved I can only visit at a grace …. The thought of going Thur it again is so much at the moment .. and then I think about how I don’t want to pass this illness to a child or maybe I’m not equipped too be a mom and maybe that’s why it’s never worked out for me :( All these intrusive thoughts have really taken over and I’m too the point I just think it’s time too accept what being a mother may actually look like for me … but my heart will always yearn for more children … wasn’t sure if this was a normal way to feel after being diagnosed? Feeling undeserving of the things you want the most ?
This pic below : my antidepressants as i love too call them ! 🐾🐠 #ChildLoss #BipolarDepression #intrusviethoughtscansuckit #normalornah #furbabies #amotherinmyownway