Mania

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    Community Voices

    About Lies with Bi-Polar Disorder

    #people with bi-polar disorder live in families and cultures of shame, dislike, and denial. The family system is usually a mess and everybody points their emotional prejudice onto the person who is bi-polar or if they have some other significant mental disability. The bi-polar person usually has to drag their way through a swamp and even terror of grief, sadness, anger, trauma and deals with depression and then mania that the average person has zero understanding about. If the bi-polar person can come through, get some emotional and spiritual ground for themselves than they can teach family members, friends, about their disability and how they can be supported. The first period maybe for years is usually experienced alone as the family angrily throws the person out on their ear. The family often has no idea about their issues because they have no introspection, they have no self insight, so they come from unconsciousness and delusion. Saying the bi-polar person lies is the height of fake news. They are usually the one who begins their path of healing and recovery in the awareness of their suffering.

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    When your mood changes, does your hunger change too?

    <p>When your mood changes, does your hunger change too?</p>
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    Community Voices

    Still manic
    Can't go to the doctor because yesterday I tested positive for rona. On the BRIGHT side I'm doing OK and I'm gonna get my life in order while I'm home sick AND I'm writing a memoir about my trauma and I'm 43 pages in! :D

    Community Voices

    I’m new here!

    Hi, my name is Bekah. I'm here because I am terrified that my hypomania will lead to a psychotic manic episode and I will be inpatient. I haven’t been hospitalized in 4 years. I work part time as a psych RN and have one semester left to become a Psychiatric Nurse Prsctitioner. I have not been able to reach my psychiatrist to help adjust my meds and my husband and I are so desperate to get me stable we both decided it would be smart to lower my Zoloft since I am manic. I am in clinicals and my preceptor knows I struggle with bipolar. I asked her advice on what she would change with my medications because I was struggling with mania. She told me to lower the Zoloft and said that she will never start a bipolar patient on an antidepressant because it can make their symptoms much worse. I literally interview patients everyday to do med management on their psych meds and I, ironically, can’t even get an appointment with my doctor. i don’t want to burned my husband and friends and family with my crisis and have had a therapy session. just need a place to let it out and hope that I won’t feel so alone and terrified. I’m supposed to be the nurse caring for mental health patients in crisis and I’m hanging on by a thread to maintain my own sanity. words of encouragement, advice, recommendations, ideas ANYTHING. I’m desperate.

    #MightyTogether #BipolarDisorder

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    Manic Dissociation?

    Hello everyone! I just got diagnosed with bipolar in the hospital. I thought all of my symptoms were just personality traits. Oops.
    Anyways they increased my pristiq and it made me so so so so manic. Like this is the worst mania I've ever experienced. It started a week and a half ago and it's really been intense the last 2 days
    I've been sleeping about 2 to 4 hours a night with melatonin, effort, and trazodone.

    And today at shabbat dinner (I'm jewish) I started feeling like I was high or dreaming. I feel currently like I'm... floating? Like I'm not here. I can't describe it. Have any of you experienced this??? How do I get it to stop?

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    BPD-BIPOLAR-THE JOURNEY-THE FEAR

    I travelled 18 hours back and forth. With holdall bags larger than me on overflowing trains, sleeping and awaking from startling nightmares whilst aboard. I travelled a lot whilst in Wales. Yet none of it was beneficial.

    Picture it. I was 18, confused, trying my best, doing what I was supposed to do.

    This was the second coming of my internal struggles.

    I have a vivid memory of when I was 11 years old, making myself sick after eating. Staying up after midnight and watching shows like The Villa?! I watched these young, clueless attractive people live out misogynistic nonsense and instead of questioning it I did 200 sit ups wishing I was attractive.

    I remember my neighbour who was a few years younger commenting that my body looked weird because I had lumps on my nipples as my breasts were forming and that I stood oddly like my hips were too far forward.

    I can remember a family friend making a comment along the lines of, ‘she’s grown into her looks’ when I was 15 years old. I have always had an intrinsic need to be liked and desired as I was under the impression that was my worth.

    It wasn’t until I was almost 19 when I had my first near death crisis.

    I can vaguely remember friends in my student halls of residence, using pint glasses to put my black vomit from the tiny sink in my room to the shared toilet. There were also a lot of things and actions I don't remember but my flatmates thought it was funny to spell out something along the lines of “Linny and x are lesbains, humping on the kitchen floor.”

    I remember being told no one wanted to socialise with me and x cause we always fought (like a married couple).

    It could be argued I wasn’t ready to be away from home but it could also be argued that it is what started the slow and painful process to where I am now.

    I know what you’re thinking. Where were your parents? They were being spectacular. Working for the then semi functional NHS, saving lives, making a difference whilst also raising three girls. I could make assumptions about them, I could chastise them for decisions but I won’t because I know in my soul they did their best and luckily they’re still around and continue to support me albeit at an arm's length.

    I would talk about my sisters more but I feel I have already burdened them with so much. They didn't’ ask to have a Bi-Polar, Borderline Personality Disorder, queer mess as a sister. What I will say however, is I truly regret the trauma I have probably caused them.

    I did therapy. I continue to take medication. I am what is considered “stable”.

    The fear though.

    It never leaves. It is always there. The only time I’m not aware of it is when I am manic and being vivacious and what some consider ‘silly’.

    #Bipolar #BPD #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Old #help #Broken #Recovery #Masking #Relateable

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    When I can’t separate my thoughts from my actions.

    As soon as I feel fear, anxiety and sadness taking over, my actions are glued to my thoughts. For someone struggling with a chronic emotional dysregulation disorder, it’s no good that our behavior find its roots in our invasive thoughts, because when we’re manic or heavily depressed our thoughts can be erratic, fast, irrational and sometimes extreme.

    When I’m manic, I can’t stop making plans, spending, thinking about drinking, running, partying, and engaging in other activities that are not that ‘healthy’. When I’m depressed, I can’t stop myself from finding a million reasons why my friends, partner and family hate me or why they reject me, even though this is not true at all. This leads to over-texting (spamming), being dependent and relying too much on another person/people, or quite the opposite: disappearing from their lives.

    This time, this is not an article that suggests how to stop, because at the moment I don’t know how to stop it or control it. These days, when my disorder is acting up more than usual, as soon as I feel even the slightest discomfort or sign of rejection, I lose control, even though I probably transformed that little detail into a big deal, plotting against myself.

    Self-sabotage is exhausting, and the worst part is that I don’t know this is what’s happening until after it’s all said and done. I know I’m not alone in this, but it’s still terrifying to think that I have to be constantly distracted to push the feeling away. As this is chronic, sometimes the realization that this will probably the case forever is scary, because I’ve met other people with the same disorders and conditions but much older, and as strong and brave as they might be, I fear it might not get better for me.

    I want to be okay. Sendings hugs to my fellow readers, stay strong.

    #Anxiety #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #BipolarDisorder #CheckInWithMe #EatingDisorders

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    Silver-lining in any challenge or circumstance

    I love writing to iron out my thoughts and so I hope this serves you today. I'll add context below.

    Journal prompt:

    How did caring for a sick loved one shape your character?

    What beautiful moments were there whilst caring for someone who needed you?

    How can you thank the loved one you care/d for today --- celestially or in the physical?

    Hi, my name is mllarena. I’m new to The Mighty and look forward to sharing my story. When I was two years old, my mom was diagnosed with Manic Depression. It was back in the 80s before the internet and during a time that I couldn't dare tell anyone this not so secret secret. My mom was a single mom and my childhood was a bit of a switcheroo; I was her caregiver and because of that I was blessed with being mature and with using my imagination to get out of sticky situations. I want to offer hope to anyone who was/is a caregiver to their parent/s especially if you did it when you were a kid. All of my early years, framed my definition of what it was to be a mom and these decades are about rewriting the scripts I inherited to change the course of my future generations. Let me know how I can help. I have a podcast where I've featured cool kids who had to grow up quickly too...big names too like Suzy Batiz and others. I've interviewed truly inspiring humans....we are stronger than we think and maybe have given ourselves credit for. My pod is called An Interview With Melissa Llarena

    #MightyTogether

    I hope these prompts help you see the silver linings even in really trying and tough moments. I had many scary times yet today I know those moments showed me who I really was....it's been a blessing. YES, I wish I could have skipped those experiences but today I'm a better mom and coach to moms for it.

    Community Voices

    Kids of those with mental illnesses

    Hi, my name is mllarena. I’m new to The Mighty and look forward to sharing my story. When I was two years old, my mom was diagnosed with Manic Depression. It was back in the 80s before the internet and during a time that I couldn't dare tell anyone this not so secret secret. My mom was a single mom and my childhood was a bit of a switcheroo; I was her caregiver and because of that I was blessed with being mature and with using my imagination to get out of sticky situations. I want to offer hope to anyone who was/is a caregiver to their parent/s especially if you did it when you were a kid. All of my early years, framed my definition of what it was to be a mom and these decades are about rewriting the scripts I inherited to change the course of my future generations. Let me know how I can help. I have a podcast where I've featured cool kids who had to grow up quickly too...big names too like Suzy Batiz and others. I've interviewed truly inspiring humans....we are stronger than we think and maybe have given ourselves credit for. My pod is called An Interview With Melissa Llarena

    #MightyTogether

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