Mania

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    Hi, I'm Jenn... So glad to have found this!!!!

    Hello... I am new here... KrazeeBootiful80... That's ME!
    I'm 41 and was misdiagnosed at 17 as manic depressive bipolar. At 30 I was rediagnosed with BPD... My daddy diagnosed me at 15 when he would call me Katie Kaboom from the cartoons we watched as kids, Tiny Toons if I am not mistaken. ("We're tiny, we're tooney, we're all a little looney...") I am so thankful for this site/app!!! Thanks so much to the creators!!!! God bless you!!! #Crazy #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPDDiagnosis #ThankYou #feelalone

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    Climbing Out Of Depression-Getting Better

    Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I really appreciate them, they lifted my spirits. I am feeling much better. Like the depression is lifting. I just hope I don't go into a manic episode. I am thankful for having a wonderful support system like this and my family. Combined with your encouragement and lifestyle changes I overcame the darkest part of the depression. Thank you all again. Healing is possible and the PTSD didn't get triggered today:) I'm sharing this to let you know that you can come out of your darkest times. Keep shining:) Also much love to my fiancé.

    #BipolarDisorder #happy #thankful #Blessed #PTSD #Abuse #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Love #Inspiration

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    Advice: Supersembarrased. How do I face my in-laws?

    I am at a particularly low place and recovering from a manic episode. My in-laws will be here this weekend and I recently found out they know everything about my worst manic episode (the one that got me diagnosed 7 years ago). I am going to have a lot of time with them for conversation. How do I look them in the face and not see everything I did playing in the back of their minds? I am mortified embarrassed. What would you do? #Bipolar1Disorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #newhere

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    Breathing slowly

    Can not breathe but no one is chocking me

    Can not sleep, but no one is making a noise

    Do not want to accept, even if it is the truth

    Do not want to be reminded , even if I forgot

    Has never been easy, I wish those memories were long gone

    But I need to be kind to myself and move on

    #Bipolar1Disorder #Love #Shame #Mania #Anxiety #Sadness #Guilty #black #MightyPoets

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    Might be some hope/motivation for some? (long post)

    Hey all,

    I went out with some friends on Friday and it was super fun. One of my best friends said to me just to look back to where I was like 2-4 years ago and look at myself now.

    4 years ago:

    Just come out of the hospital that I was forced to stay in for 8 months

    homeless then living with parents on the sofa

    no job little prospects for a job and looking like a lifetime of disability

    all my friends had stopped speaking to me for one reason or another. Mainly due to how unwell I was

    drug/alcohol addict

    extremely overweight and unable to stop gaining weight (Paliperidone/Invega)

    Sleeping 16 hours a day

    Now:

    Steady job and just got a promotion. WFH 4/5 days and 1 day in the office

    Buying my own flat

    Found the perfect medication combo

    Smoke weed once every 2-3 months and drink only on weekends socially

    Better sleep pattern and generally sleep ok

    Friends with most of my old friends now I am better, got a whole load of new close friends

    Lost a lot of weight though I still have some ways to go

    No hospital visits since last time (and to continue God willing)

    What didn't change:

    My illness

    My hallucinations

    My mood episodes

    What helped:

    Right medication, I am on a very little dose of antipsychotics and a very high dose of antidepressants. There are pros and cons for this. The biggest pros for me are avoiding weight gain and not being on the brink of suicidal 24/7. I still have down days and am quite depressed a lot but it is not the point of hopeless overwhelming depression. The hallucinations are a constant that I have done psychology to deal with. This is more about my reaction and the way I deal with hallucinations, would 100% recommend it super helpful.

    I still deal with super manic episodes, but my friends are aware and I have had a sit-down chat with my friends about how I am, my illness, warning signs, and just how to deal with it. We have an agreement that if I am too unwell they will say this to me and distance themselves for their own sakes until I am better.

    My job is aware of my illness on an hr level. My managers are aware, though I don't think they understand too much. I am even the accessibility "go-to guy" at work and am really proud of my efforts for accessibility within my job role.

    My family - they have supported me 100% though I feel guilty so much about how I treated them at times when I was unwell.

    If you read this post thank you and I hope it helped, it sure helped me to write it. Feel free to ask questions :)

    Post

    Might be some hope/motivation for some? (long post)

    Hey all,

    I went out with some friends on Friday and it was super fun. One of my best friends said to me just to look back to where I was like 2-4 years ago and look at myself now.

    4 years ago:

    Just come out of the hospital that I was forced to stay in for 8 months

    homeless then living with parents on the sofa

    no job little prospects for a job and looking like a lifetime of disability

    all my friends had stopped speaking to me for one reason or another. Mainly due to how unwell I was

    drug/alcohol addict

    extremely overweight and unable to stop gaining weight (Paliperidone/Invega)

    Sleeping 16 hours a day

    Now:

    Steady job and just got a promotion. WFH 4/5 days and 1 day in the office

    Buying my own flat

    Found the perfect medication combo

    Smoke weed once every 2-3 months and drink only on weekends socially

    Better sleep pattern and generally sleep ok

    Friends with most of my old friends now I am better, got a whole load of new close friends

    Lost a lot of weight though I still have some ways to go

    No hospital visits since last time (and to continue God willing)

    What didn't change:

    My illness

    My hallucinations

    My mood episodes

    What helped:

    Right medication, I am on a very little dose of antipsychotics and a very high dose of antidepressants. There are pros and cons for this. The biggest pros for me are avoiding weight gain and not being on the brink of suicidal 24/7. I still have down days and am quite depressed a lot but it is not the point of hopeless overwhelming depression. The hallucinations are a constant that I have done psychology to deal with. This is more about my reaction and the way I deal with hallucinations, would 100% recommend it super helpful.

    I still deal with super manic episodes, but my friends are aware and I have had a sit-down chat with my friends about how I am, my illness, warning signs, and just how to deal with it. We have an agreement that if I am too unwell they will say this to me and distance themselves for their own sakes until I am better.

    My job is aware of my illness on an hr level. My managers are aware, though I don't think they understand too much. I am even the accessibility "go-to guy" at work and am really proud of my efforts for accessibility within my job role.

    My family - they have supported me 100% though I feel guilty so much about how I treated them at times when I was unwell.

    If you read this post thank you and I hope it helped, it sure helped me to write it. Feel free to ask questions :)

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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    Still Going-Even With Depression

    Not sure how long this episode is going to last but a combination of things have really helped. One of those things being a change in outlook. I no longer look at my depressed #BipolarDisorder episodes as hopeless like I used to. They are more manageable because I changed my outlook. I am not saying that it doesn't get to me some days, some days are harder than others. But I manage to remain thankful. Also lifestyle and diet changes help a lot. Lemon water is a natural mood booster and ever since I've been drinking it I've been happier. Not like mania happy but just happy in general. I highly suggest drinking lemon water if you want to get healthy or to experience its mental health benefits. Having coping strategies also helps. I use writing as my main outlet (as you can see) but for some people it may be something else. Especially with having #PTSD it's important to have a go to coping mechanism. But even when my #PTSD isn't acting up I use writing as a way to unwind. I'm not sure what I use for #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder but I suppose that because it has a lot to do with self-perception that I can start on that. So as you can see, all these factors help to get me through. Today I am thankful for the ability to share my journey with others. What has helped you to cope?

    #BipolarDisorder #Depression #PTSD #Abuse #abusesurvivor #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #thankful #Blessed #Hope #Inspiration #Striving #thriving #strength #Writing #coping #Lifestlye

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    Advice on when checking into a Mental Health Facility as a Patient and Friend

    Many people (all age ranges) are dealing with mental health issues. I know trying to get help can be quite challenging and this unfortunately is a reason why some people do not seek help. The realization of this came true when I was helping a friend who needed to check into a facility.

    I have been hospitalized twice in my life due to bipolar disorder. One was for a suicide watch and the other time because I was having a mania episode and had been up for 5 days straight. Both of my hospitalizations I decided to check myself in. It was a tough decision to make and looking back at both times I can say it took a lot of courage as well. I understand the frustration. I want to give some tips on what to expect whether you are checking in or helping someone check in.

    Checking yourself in:

    #1- Be prepared to have a long wait if you are checking yourself in. I checked myself in thru the ER both times and it was a long wait (several hours) before I was taken up to a room. Both times I remember a nurse asking me a bunch of questions and then leaving and I was just sitting in there in the ER. However, I needed to remind myself I was safe, and I was doing the right thing.

    # 2- What to pack- do not bring anything with strings or laces, or they will have you remove the strings. Bring the bare minimum for toiletries- since I was a cutter, they took my face wash etc. things with sharp edges on them. No cellphones are allowed, so write down numbers, you can call from a phone inside the facility.

    #3- Be prepared for the staff to not always have empathy for you or your situation. This happened to me in my first hospital- I had to undress and the nurse saw all my cuts and made the comment “so you are a cutter” I looked at her and said “you are a b****” I told her I was there to get help and not to judge me. Now, the second visit when I was taken upstairs (with a security guard) the nurse there was an angel I had been cutting a lot and the cuts were fresh, and when she saw them she was kind about getting me help. She cared and showed it and spoke kindly to me.

    #4- Get the most treatment you can out of your stay. I took part in group therapy and hearing other stories helped me and even showed me that there are other people out there dealing with a lot more than I was. I did individual therapy and was honest with my doctor. I learned new coping skills and kept myself busy which made the time I was there better.

    #5- Take what you learned and use it. My first time I just went thru the motions and really did not listen to what help was given to me. It was my second time in the hospital where I ACCEPTED my diagnosis and where my recovery really began. I really took the coping skills and put them to use (group & individual therapy, journaling, and meds etc)

    Tips for checking someone in:

    #1- Be prepared for a long wait. I helped checked a friend in through the ER and we got there at 12:30pm and I did not leave till 7:30pm that night. I learned I had to be patient, especially now since the hospitals are short staffed.

    #2– Keep the person calm- I know when I checked myself in, I was a wreck. I was crying, angry, fine, a big ball of emotions. Thanks goodness my family and friend were there to calm me down. Stay positive with that person, keep giving that person courage and hope. Do NOT leave until you know that person is safe.

    #3– Be prepared to be left outside in the waiting room. Unless you are a minor, you will probably will not be allowed to go back with that person (even when that person is speaking to the Psych doctor). My friend was texting me to keep me informed. If you are in the waiting room for a while, you can go up to the desk and ask for updates.

    #4– That person may not get checked into a room right away. My friend said they were keeping her, but she would have to spend the night in the ER room until the next day when a room would be available. She ended up being transported to a different hospital since no bed opened in that hospital.

    It is tough right now, but your life and your loved one’s lives are worth getting the help. Will there be headaches and frustrations, YES but do not give up and keep that HOPE alive.

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    A Little Down but Still Thankful

    As you all know #BipolarDisorder is laden with highs and lows. Right now I seem to be on the low like any other time but this time is different. Since practicing gratitude, I have been happier and more positive. While I can't completely escape the mania and depression of this mood disorder I have found ways to manage it besides therapy and medication. Today I am thankful for the simple fact that I am able to receive help for the mental illnesses that I live with. I realize that not a lot of people have access to healthcare and are unable to get what they need. Whether that be a therapist to talk to or a psychiatrist. So while I may be slipping into a slightly depressed episode I know that it does not have to overcome me. I've also made some lifestyle changes as well. Lemon water has been a great mood booster. There is tons of great information out there if you are interested. Remember friends: Stay thankful.

    #PTSD #abusesurvivor #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #thankful #hopeful #Blessed #Gratitude

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    How Much Self-Esteem Is Too Much?

    Part 1 of 2 I’ve heard that narcissists (and multiple murderers) have too-high self-esteem. I’ve also heard that they have low self-esteem. Which assertion is right? Surely they can’t both be!

    Self-esteem became a big topic of conversation in the 1980s. That’s when self-esteem programs for children were beginning to be taught in schools and preschools. There were many questions about them, some of which I asked when assigning a writer to a story about them. (I was an editor for a publication for childcare workers and daycare owners at the time.) Why do children need self-esteem programs? Doesn’t daily living foster self-esteem? What can self-esteem programs do that parents and teachers can’t or don’t? The writer seemed taken aback, but bravely tackled all those questions and wrote a fine article on the subject.

    Later, the self-esteem movement came into disrepute and was the subject of much mocking and more authentic criticism. Chief among the things detractors made fun of were “participation trophies” given to every participant in a game or sport, spelling bee, or whatever other sort of competition. Complaints included that this negated the idea of competition altogether, falsely inflated children’s sense of accomplishment, shortchanged children who had truly excelled, and was a touchy-feely practice that had no place in the realm of sports or other competitive areas.

    It was also thought that self-esteem programs were teaching the wrong lesson. Instead of learning that effort doesn’t always achieve the desired results, children were learning that everyone was as good as everyone else, which seemed like a mistake to some. Self-esteem programs were also said to lead children to the idea that the world was a kindly place where they would be rewarded just for existing. Instead, they should “toughen up” and learn that the world would deal them harsh blows at times and that they needed to be ready to cope with them. Debate continued about when and where such a lesson should be taught and even if it should be taught at all.

    How does this relate to the aforementioned narcissists and toxic people? The two theories about their level of self-esteem seem contradictory and counterintuitive. Do they have low self-esteem? It doesn’t seem like it, the way they take control over others’ lives and manipulate them. Do they have high self-esteem? This sounds a little more plausible.

    Reconciling the two theories is problematic. On the one hand, these people’s self-esteem seems to be too great, so they feel they are special and entitled to control other people who aren’t up to the same standard. On the other, their self-esteem might be too low, driving them to overcompensate for their lack by acting powerful and controlling others.

    It seems unlikely that both of these mechanisms could apply to a single person. How could they feel genuinely powerful and compensate for being less powerful at the same time?

    But, at its heart, true, healthy self-esteem isn’t about power. It’s about loving, accepting, and appreciating yourself for the good qualities that you do have. It’s about recognizing that your place in life is to be neither a doormat nor an idol. It’s about having confidence in yourself that you can face obstacles – though not conquering every obstacle – but knowing your limitations.

    Does life teach self-esteem? It can, certainly, if a child is raised in a supportive, encouraging environment; if the child learns that both effort and accomplishment are possible; if the child has role models for self-esteem; and if good lessons about self-worth are taught in the home and at school.

    Of course, we know that not all children are raised in such an ideal environment. Probably far too few are. Or children receive mixed messages about self-esteem from parents, schools, religion, and other places where they get training for life events: not to be unrealistically proud but to be proud of achievements; to be humble or to be confident; to be assertive or to obey authority; to share with others or to know what’s theirs and defend it; to cooperate or to take the lead.

    Self-esteem is particularly difficult for those of us with brain illnesses or psychological disorders. We may feel broken, unsure of ourselves, and clueless about where we fit into society. In the grip of #Mania , we can feel ten feet tall and bulletproof. When we are depressed, we can feel worthless. In #BipolarDisorder , in particular, the two states can be encompassed in a single individual at different times.

    But this is not to say that people with psychological challenges are all narcissists. Far from it. I w