Itoknottobeok

Today is National Semicolon Day,
The semicolon movement is one I hold very close to my heart.
The hardest part of "recovery" is being honest,
Putting your truth out there no matter how ashamed you may feel.
I have been to dark places my fare share of times over the last couple of years,
and let me tell you, its not a nice place to be.
But somehow over the years I've survived,
I've survived the shit life has thrown at me.
I'd be lying if I said it was plane sailing, but I can't deny that it's an achievement.
After years of doctors appointments, countless weekly CAMHS meetings, a number of key workers, a large care team, multiple psychiatrists and therapists, multiple crisis team phone calls and meetings, hours spent on the phone to suicide hotlines...
and finally a diagnosis of BPD/EUPD, with depressive tendencies and eating traits,
I can say...I'm still here.
If I'm honest I've been back in the clutches of darkness recently,
and still am,
some of you may not have known, noticed or even guessed.
Mental illness does not have a face,
This time almost 2 weeks ago I was sat with my CAMHS worker as usual,
little did either of us know how it was going to pan out.
The session ended with me sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours whilst she frantically contacted the crisis team, safer spaces,
and local hospitals looking for me to be assessed and trying to find a bed for me to stay in,
fearing that she would not see me the next week, or ever again for that matter.
After my psychiatric assessment with hospital psychiatrists and members of the crisis team, I remember her approaching me and saying,
"when you walked in today I never expected this, who would've known".
This reiterates my point,
mental illness does not have a face,
people will put on a face,
but no matter how much they try to fight it,
it is always there.
For those who feel they have to wear a mask,
it's OK to show emotion.
It's OK to NOT be OK.
It's OK to ask for help.
You are NEVER ALONE.
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Today is National Semicolon Day,
"A semicolon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence but chose not to.
The author is you and the sentence is your life" - Amy Bleuel #ProjectSemicolon #Itoknottobeok #BPD #EUPD #SuicideAwarness