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I'm so not ok bro
I'm so tired of not knowing what gut feelings are real or just fear taking it's hold on me. I'm so fucking desperate for security I'm too the point of spiraling in search for it because my girlfriend doesn't get it and idk if she even wants to. Which sucks the most but when I get bad it pushes her away because I'm being crazy. I made an appointment today for the first time since 2018 so I'm hopeful. I'm really struggling though. I just want to toss the stuff in my head around with someone else but I don't have many friends and the ones I have are just going to get worried and scared which is the opposite of what I want. I only want to tell them things because I know they want me to tell them when I get bad but I always feel guilty for getting bad so why would I tell I'm probably just making it up though right I'm over being called crazy. And I'm smothered under keeping my mental health to myself but if i don't someone else makes the blame their problem and that's literally the opposite of what I want even when it is their fault. Sucks to be manic but also self aware. #overthinking #Bpdmindgames
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #kindafunny
