This is my only child Isaiah Reynolds. Forever 19. Today is 292 days since he gained his wings. I guess I’ve known deep down suicide was always a possibility although I never thought it would happen to us. I have watched depression turn my happy child into sad, disjointed and questioning why he’s even here on earth for the past 7 years. Wondering if he was ever going to find “his place”. I want Isaiah to be remembered for his generosity, his sense of humor, and love for jokes and food. For giving the best tightest hugs and always protecting me. Being top of his class and helping others that struggled. For being an amazing and kind person that most people should take notes from. For his smile that could light up a room and never judging anyone. He made everyone feel special and checked daily on everyone. Isaiah was a natural healer even though he could not heal himself. I remember so many days trying to put on a smile and pretend everything was ok when I knew my entire reason for living couldn’t feel love only hurt. For all the outsiders that thought I was miserable or even rude because I couldn’t maintain a smile on my face every hour I worked. Now you know. Sometimes people are going thru their own nightmares while awake. I made it a point to tell him everyday how loved he was, handsome, kind, smart, brave, and so strong to be fighting mental illness for so long. I know my family and his friends told him often as well yet this disease lied to him. It told him he was worthless, unlovable, hopeless and unsuccessful. I always portrayed myself to be strong for my son, but I am not any longer. I am broken, depressed and trying to find my purpose without my baby. He was all I had. Just the two of us. All I’ve known since I was 18. In Isaiah’s words. “Maybe I’m not cut out for this world” I now am beginning to believe him. He was too kind, generous, loving, and smart for this world. Maybe he wasn’t the broken one, maybe it’s us for not being able to feel the things he did. This world is ugly and unkind. All I know is I miss him everyday Isaiah is my hero for fighting this ugly battle while trying to live a “normal” life. He will forever be missed and never forgotten. #SuicideAwareness #spreadawareness #EndTheStigma #SuicideLoss #PTSD