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Would you rather? #Depression #lonilness #cpstd #PTSD

A few years ago on a morning radio talk show a question was posed to host or the radio show along with co-host. That question changed my life forever.
A simple “would you rather? Spend a lifetime in a committed relationship being content? Or Enter a relationship with the person made for you but only to have it last a year, then never see them again?
It’s funny that everyone who was asked that question including myself opted for the chance to be with the one who was made for you.
I’d like to ask a follow up question. What would you give up in order to have that chance? Would you take the risk not knowing they even existed??


Friendless #lonilness #Cuttingties

I am currently in the process of losing all of my friends die to my impatience, intolerance and frustration .
The thing is, they don’t leave me, I leave them.
I feel I have absolutely nothing in common with my current friends anymore, just a past history but at times that’s just not enough.
Other times I feel that I am alone because I want and I just cut ties with everyone around me.
Can’t say how to get them back but not sure I want them back really or if I just want to be with them because I feel lonely.

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Fear looks like standing on your own two feet and having no one support you
Fear looks like making it to a mental health programme even though your lonley and won't meet anyone worthy of company
Fear looks like walking up and down all night and getting up the next morning to go somewhere where you know isn't working out for you
Fear is being disowned by one of your parents and still making it to a family gathering

Fear can creep in as #desperation, #lonilness , #Conflict, jealousy, it cripples the best of us. It took all my physical muscle to put one foot Infront of the other.
I know I've had many years of torment under one that most likely I could bare to handle.