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The Mental Exhaustion of Overanalyzing Every Social Interaction
There’s an exhaustion that comes with constantly thinking about how you’re coming across that most people never see.
There are so many doubts, worries, and insecurities running through my mind. I become so much in my head that I completely forget how to be present. I’m too deep in thought about my facial expressions, my tone, my gestures, and wondering if I’m being engaging enough or if I’m being too much.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in my car before going out to a social gathering, mentally preparing myself first. Thinking about who’s going to be there. What conversations might happen. Whether I’ll be talkative or quiet that day. Sometimes I’ll even rehearse little things in my head beforehand just so I don’t feel awkward once I’m actually there.
And even then, I still overthink everything once I walk in.
On the outside, I generally look like I’m fine. I can hold my own, but not with steady grace. I can falter at a moment’s notice if my mind takes over the situation too much and convinces me that I’m a problem.
One time I was sitting at dinner with a group of friends, trying so hard to stay engaged in the conversation. I was smiling, laughing, and contributing when I could. But mentally, I was analyzing myself. Thinking about whether I was making enough eye contact or wondering if I sounded interesting enough.
The worst part about it is that even while in deep conversation, I’m thinking about myself, not the other person. I was talking with one friend, trying to stay engaged in what they were saying, but internally I’m thinking about how I’m coming across. I lock in on their eyes, but even then I’m thinking about which eye to look at, or how long to hold it before breaking away. It’s not that I’m not paying attention, because I am—it’s just that I’m also focused heavily on how I’m coming across.
Most people don’t notice the internal observations I’m making. They don’t see the pain behind the smile or the restlessness behind the eyes. It’s so exhausting playing two people at once—one who is there, and one who is mentally checked out on their own accord.
During that conversation with my friend, I remember seeing their mouth and hearing what they were saying, but inside I was planning out the next thing I would say. And the more I thought about it, the more awkward I became. I could feel my chest tighten, my palms sweat, and that overwhelming numbing feeling that consumes my body. It’s like an immediate internal vibration—a genuine shock to the system where I’m all of a sudden hyper-alert and incredibly anxious.
Essentially, I froze. I always freeze up during moments of long silence or moments of drawing nothing but blanks.
I feel so much pressure to keep the conversation going. I’ve always put so much pressure on myself to perform well, to not be dull, to be someone everyone wants to be around. That’s my mindset all of the time. I can’t help but automatically think about it.
As always, I replay the situation over and over in my mind, thinking about how I was and how I should’ve been. I try to rewrite the narrative and think that I came across as strong, talkative, and social, but that’s rarely the case.
My brain turns tiny moments into evidence that I’m awkward, distant, strange, too emotional, or somehow failing socially without meaning to.
And I know logically most people are probably not analyzing me nearly as hard as I analyze myself. But in the moment, it feels real. My brain treats every small interaction like something I need to review.
If someone’s energy shifts slightly, I notice. If a text sounds different, I notice. And if I leave a conversation feeling even slightly off, my mind latches onto it immediately.
I think I became hyperaware of people at a very young age—very sensitive to moods, expressions, tones, and reactions. Somewhere along the way, I learned to constantly monitor myself in response to them.
I spent years thinking that if I could just perfectly manage how I came across, then maybe I’d finally feel comfortable around people. But honestly, all it did was make me exhausted. Because there’s no rest when you’re constantly observing yourself.
I think that’s why being alone can feel like relief for me. It’s not because I don’t love being around my selective group of people, it’s because my mind finally gets a break from being perceived.
Lately, I’ve been trying really hard not to assume that every silence means something about me. Trying not to immediately turn inward every time I feel awkward for half a second. It’s a difficult process, but I’m slowly letting go of my uncertainties little by little.
Those moments now feel bigger to me than they probably sound.
Because for too long, I didn’t know how to exist around people without feeling like I had to constantly manage who I was while doing it.
What parts of your personality feel shaped by how you think others see you?
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” — Lao Tzu
#MentalHealth #Neurodiversity #Anxiety #ADHD #AutismSpectrumDisorder #SocialAnxiety #MightyTogether
