We Are #MightyTogether

There’s something about spending quiet mornings outside. Just the other day, I decided to sit out on my patio with my cup of coffee and the latest book I’ve been reading. I enjoyed the crisp air, the sunshine soaking into my skin to provide a little warmth, and the fresh smell of flowers blooming around me. It is almost summertime after all.

But I just remember sitting there and feeling peaceful. It was a quiet moment that brought stillness to my ever-constant racing mind. It was glorious. True beauty and pure joy in its rarest form. I just remember thinking, “Hey, this is the life.”

Years ago, I probably would’ve felt guilty for enjoying the moment. I would’ve thought that I should be doing more and accomplishing more. But lately, I’ve come to this realization that the life I once wanted isn’t necessarily the life I really need.

Growing up, I always wanted to be included in everything. There was always this internal fear of being left behind. So, I pushed myself harder than most people just to stay in the game and keep up at everyone else’s pace. It was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting, but I made sure to stay in place.

I’ve always had the feeling that even though I’ve kept up in most aspects, I was still very far behind in other areas that I saw people excel in. I’d watch my classmates strive for high achievements, good grades, and staying busy with extracurriculars. I’d watch people at work making friends with co-workers so effortlessly, work through their load quickly and with ease, and just function as if everything was hunky dory.

I’ve watched a lot of my friends gain success—a steady job, a house, a family—everything that looks good on paper and in real life. I’m proud, truly proud of them. But for me, I’ve felt that my life was steered in a completely different direction than I ever imagined for myself.

I often wondered why everything seemed so much harder for me to obtain.

Why did everyone else seem to have this endless reserve of energy while I was constantly exhausted?

Why did social situations seem to come naturally to everyone else while I spent hours replaying conversations in my head?

Why did it always feel like I was working twice as hard just to stay in the same place?

There was a time when I filled every spare moment with something productive because slowing down made me feel uncomfortable. I had to be working on something, a project, helping someone, or crossing things off my to-do list. If I was doing nothing, I felt incredibly guilty for it.

So, I always felt the need to go, go, go because the guilt was too heavy to bear. It’s a feeling that never sits right with me. It just makes me more anxious, more overwhelmed, and more exhausted.

Honestly, I always wanted to be someone else. Someone with that gusto, that energy to get things done all with a smile on their face. I wanted a successful career. I wanted to live a lavish lifestyle because I saw that as the epitome of “making it” in life. (Growing up in Los Angeles only added to that strive for perfection.) I wanted a life that looked good on the outside.

And by seeing people through social media or watching friends and family reach their goals, it made me feel rather worthless because my life didn’t even come close to theirs. They had a stable career. They had started a family. And they seemed to always keep pushing themselves toward greatness. Me, on the other hand, was literally just trying to meet the bare minimum.

For me, I’ve always been ambitious in my own quiet way. There was a period when I thought the next accomplishment would finally make me feel confident. But every time I reached for one, the feeling was only temporary. There was always something else waiting on the horizon.

Growing up, I knew that I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write because that was my sweet spot. That’s how I communicated my thoughts and ideas best. It’s how I could express myself best. It was practically my best form of communication since I was so quiet, shy, and introverted. (Also neurodivergent, but I didn’t find that out until much later in life.)

I really wanted to work for a fancy magazine. I was really interested in pop culture back then and wanted to write for Entertainment Weekly or Rolling Stone. It was my vision, and I thought I could achieve it no problem.

But when the time came to actually start a career in journalism, I found myself stuck trying to move forward with the dream. It just seemed so out of reach for someone like me. I doubted myself way too much. I had incredibly low self-esteem. And I overthought everything.

At the time, I convinced myself that my dreams were too big for someone like me.

So, I stopped trying. Opportunity after opportunity came and I shut it down because I didn’t think I was good enough. I knew that I was capable, but my mental capacity couldn’t handle any further pressure than I already felt in my everyday life. So, I ended up in jobs that I never foresaw myself being in.

But when I found out I was neurodivergent, things clicked into place for me. It truly was an awakening and it gave me a newfound voice.

Looking back, I realize that I wasn’t just mourning a career path. I was mourning the version of success I thought I needed in order to feel worthy.

For the first time, I wasn’t looking at myself through the lens of failure.

I wasn’t lazy.

I wasn’t incapable.

I wasn’t falling behind.

My brain simply worked differently than I had been led to believe it should.

I found confidence again in sharing my writing, so I created this blog and it brings me more happiness than you’ll ever know. I’m finally doing and living my dream, just in a much quieter, more personal way.

It might not be a “career,” but it’s given me hope again that I’m not as worthless or unworthy as I once felt.

Now, I strive for a peaceful life. One where I take care of myself before I can take care of others. I want soft mornings, peaceful afternoons, and inspirational evenings.

The life I thought I wanted was built around achievement, productivity, and keeping up with everyone else.

The life I actually need is much simpler.

It’s built around peace.

This is my ideal day:

• Morning coffee

• Read a little

• Go for a walk

• Blog

• Watch TV

• Listen to music

• Cook

• Blog some more

• Sleep

That’s it.

It might sound boring or like it’s too unproductive, but that’s my ideal every day. I work to live; I don’t live to work.

I’ve realized that my mind needs rest and time to reset. And I’m starting to make that my priority now.

I might not have the life I once desired, but I do have a life that makes me feel fulfilled. And that’s all that really matters.

Years ago, I would have looked at that list and thought it wasn’t enough.

Now, I look at it and think:

“This is the life.”

Am I living the life I want—or the life I was told to want?

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt

#MentalHealth #Neurodiversity #selfcare #ADHD #MightyTogether