narcissisticspouse

I needed to share and this is my place to feel comfortable and not feeling judged. I finally got the word that the judge signed my divorce papers July 31st. Although, I am so proud of the work I have put into taking care of myself during this time I am still stuck in some sort of sadness. I was so busy trying to stay strong and confident through this I think I forgot that I still need to grieve. My 26 year marriage is over. It was extremely toxic on both sides. With him displaying narcissistic behavior, and myself stuck in an addiction to numb the misery. I just need to say that it's ok to not be ok. It's time for me to reflect and give myself some grace. I need to accept how I feel and allow myself to heal. I just want it to happen like yesterday. (yes I'm impatient!! Lol) I know it's gonna take time but as long as I am finding a positive way to vent what I'm feeling and thinking I know everything will be ok.

I have been off the radar for awhile. I have been in a deep situational debilitating depression off and on for months. Being married to a narcissistic and living an isolating lifestyle and GAD are battles enough. What saddens me the most is reading all the very positive toned articles and advice on depression espousing just follow this list/retrain your brain/ self-care, etc and your depression will fade. I have studied depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc etc for DECADES. I already know everything, the advice, the exercises, lifestyle changes but who has the energy to do these things when bathing (50 plus steps) isn’t even on the radar. Yes, I know it’s always darkest before the dawn but can anyone else relate to feeling defeated when reading articles on depression that are so happy!?