nephew

Hey, everyone. I hope you’re all okay.

So… This is a sad post. I feel utterly useless. I have a 5month old nephew and he truly is the light of my life.

I love playing with him. I look his cheeky smile and his dirty laugh. I love him so much. But lately, while I’m being playing with him, I’ve had issues with pain and my heart condition, which can make me lose consciousness. So I have to get up and sit down on the sofa, and try to relax…

I feel really awful about it. It really upsets me… I’m terrified I’ll only be known as ‘The Sick Aunt’. That would destroy me.

What do you guys do? How do you cope and still managed to play? I’m desperate for answers.

Thank you all in advance.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #InterstitialCystitis #POTS #EDS #NAFLD #BPD #Advice #nephew

As a bit of a background… Because of my heart condition and other health issues, it would be very dangerous to become pregnant. Either my medication would kill the baby, or the baby would kill me. I thought I’d resigned myself to the fact that I’d never have my own children.

In March of last year, my younger sister announced that she was pregnant… And it broke me. I was so upset and I took it out on her. I said that her boyfriend would run the second the baby was born. I said that the recreational drugs would kill the baby, and that I’d be glad about it. I told her she wasn’t mature enough to bring life into this world. I continued to lash out over and over again.

After a while, I resigned myself to the fact that she was going to have a baby and I’d be alone for the rest of my life. No baby, no partner. Don’t worry, I know I was being a monster.

Then in June, she had the scan that determined the sex of the baby - I’d bet £20 that it was going to be a boy. My sister was so sure it was a girl. I became £20 richer! She brought home photos of the scan, and something in me clicked. The anger and my misery started to melt away. Thankfully, she stopped the drugs when she found out she was pregnant. And as she started to become so much more mature and responsible, the better I felt about the pregnancy.

November 4th, little Oskar was born by emergency c-section. A few days later, when she brought him home, I fell in love. I felt this incredible bond with him. When he cried, he would fall asleep the second I held him. He’s so big now! 14lbs! And I love him more than anything else in the world.

He recently started doing that baby talk, where he just cooes? My god. Every time he does it, I get a sudden burst of serotonin. I’m not even kidding. If anyone hurts him, I’m gonna break their wrists. 😏

My sister has really blossomed as a mother. She’s very good with little Oskar. I can see that he’s the light in her life. It’s heartwarming to witness.

Anyway, this post is already reeeeally long. I just wanted to know if anyone else has had these difficulties with being unable to have children, while everyone around you is getting pregnant?

#babies #nephew #CuteBaby #Pregnancy #Depression #BPD