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Little Victories

I’m actually pretty pleased with myself today.

This morning I went and had my flu and Covid vaccines done. Then I came home and I changed my sheets and bedding, followed by a lovely hot shower, and then I wrote two pages of my novel after being stuck with writer’s block for ages. I’m a little sore after all the movement, but I got through it. All over and done with now - I can rest. 😌😴

My GP is always telling me that I should celebrate every victory - even the itty bitty ones. I’ve made myself a lovely hot chocolate with a dash of Bailey’s Original as a treat, and I’m huddled up with my fluffy hoodie on now, all cosy like.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #POTS #AutonomicDysfunction #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #EDS #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Jointpain #jointhypermobility #InterstitialCystitis #BladderPain #Diabetes #NAFLD #LiverDisease #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Migraines #sciatica #BackPain #littlevictories

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Loki does not appreciate it when I have a lay in…

My kitten, Loki, is a very demanding little sir. Yesterday, despite suffering with very bad sciatica, I went over to my sister’s for the afternoon and early evening for dinner. I spent the whole time chasing and tickling my nephew, playing with him and his new toys, etc.

So, naturally, I had to take extra painkillers last night to actually finally get to sleep at around 2am. Which meant I woke up quite late this morning (around 10am). When I rolled over and tugged open my curtains, Loki was just sat there, staring into my soul. It was eerie. 😂

The second I managed to sit upright he legged it over to his food bowls (he has one always full of biscuits and then a few times a day he has wet food). But the way he practically SCREAMS his meows at me, you’d think I hadn’t fed him in weeks. My Loki, the Drama King and God of Mischief. 😂 I’m so glad I have him, though. He seriously cheers me up on days where smiling feels impossible. He’s a good boy, really. He gives me lots of cuddles when I need them.

I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or not (but it probably is), but since my lower back has been painful for the last couple of weeks, when he crawls under the covers with me in bed, he lays behind me, curled up at my lower back. The heat from his not-so-little body eases the spasms there. 🥰

#ChronicPain #sciatica #BackPain #TherapyPets #Kitten #Cat #Loki #POTS #EDS #NAFLD #BPD #Diabetes #InterstitialCystitis #Migraines #Jointpain #Animals #cute

37 reactions 11 comments
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Chronic Pain and Comfort Eating

Guys, I'm really struggling at the moment. Every single day of my life, I'm in pain. I've accepted it as a fact of my life. But a few weeks ago I randomly injured a muscle in my lower back that has been locked/cramped up ever since, and is pretty much crushing my sciatic nerve. I'm getting such painful burning-aching sensations CONSTANTLY. There is no reprieve.

I can't get comfy when I'm sitting, and I'm barely sleeping at night. My doctor has examined me and she's pretty sure it's my sciatic nerve that's been pinched and that I need the appointment for physio. But the earliest they could fit me in was 23rd October - 10 days away! My doctor has prescribed a course of diazepam (valium) to help ease the muscle and try and abate the muscle spasming around the nerve. Which works to an extend but I really can't do much. I can't lift anything heavy, etc.

I am truly miserable right now. And I have been for the last two weeks since the injury. It just doesn't stop... My nephew came over on Wednesday and I couldn't play with him the usual way I do - chasing him about, lifting him up and bouncing him. And he just kept coming and cuddling my leg, raised his arms at me and said; "Up!" It broke my heart when I said no. He walked off with his head hung down and his bottom lip poking out.

Since the injury, I've eaten a LOT of junk food. I just cannot stop, and I don't really care all that much. I know I'm comfort eating (I used to do this a lot in the past), and I know it's not good for me. I'm just finding it really hard to give a crap about it.

What should I do? I'm so close to tears... I need a nice long, tight hug/cuddle. It's so hard to keep going.

#POTS #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #FattyLiverDisease #NAFLD #Diabetes #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #InterstitialCystitis #ChronicPain #sciatica #BackPain #exhausted #mentallyexhausted #feelingdefeated #chronicillnesswarrior #Advice

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My little mascot…

Last night I really struggled to get some sleep. On Friday, while walking from a shop to a taxi, I lifted my left leg to take a step and I felt a twinge in my lower back. Then, when I went to lift my right leg to do the same, I nearly crumpled to the floor as an intense cramp went through the entire of my lower back. I managed to hobble my way to the taxi and got myself home.

I’ve been using heat pads and an anti-inflammatory gel and it’s given very little relief, but I persevered. Then, last night at around midnight I had a POTS episode whilst I was on my way to the bathroom before bed. I fainted and hit the floor hard, according to my mum. I’m just glad I wasn’t conscious when I hit the floor because I can only imagine the pain I would’ve felt.

After the episode, I really struggled to get up, get to the bathroom and get to bed. But I managed it. I took extra painkillers but I just could not get comfortable. I tried lying on my side with a pillow between my knees, I tried lying on my back with a cushion under the curve of my spine. Nothing was working. Eventually, I gave up and pulled out my laptop to do some more notes on my novel.

As usual, Loki was sticking to my side. Like he normally does when I’m unwell or in pain. He came up for lots of cuddles and fusses. Until he settled behind my fan, and slowly crawled up until his head was peeking at me from behind the screen. He looked so cute, I had to take a photo. My little mascot. Somehow… He always makes me feel better. And I feel like he really does love me back.

Anyway, I spent the night just tapping away on my laptop, listening to quiet music while I made my notes and tweaks. I just wanted to show you all how much of a good boy he is. Don’t worry - he was given lots of treats and belly rubs.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #POTS #AutonomicDysfunction #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #EDS #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #Jointpain #Fainting #BackPain #cramps #Pain #InterstitialCystitis #BPD #NAFLD #LiverDisease #FattyLiverDisease #Diabetes #Migraines #Cats #Animals #TherapyPet #TherapyAnimal #therapycat

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How do you say no to your little nieces, nephews and children?

I’m currently a first time aunt (although my sister is 21 weeks pregnant right now) to an absolutely gorgeous and clever little boy named Oskar. He’s 22months old, and I absolutely love playing with him. I chase him, I crawl towards him on my hands and knees. I play rough with him (he loves this), and I tickle him until he’s belly laughing.

He is truly the light of my life - since he was born I’ve refused to self harm and I’ve really started taking better care of myself. But sometimes when we’re playing, I start to get pain or get really exhausted and I have to tell him no and sit down for a bit. But then he comes over, grabs my hands and tries to pull me up and make me follow him.

It really breaks my heart because I know he doesn’t really understand and he thinks he’s done something wrong. How do YOU communicate that you need a break? Is there a way to do it so he understands? He can get quite upset. Aside from his dad, I’m the only person that really plays with him and makes him laugh.

Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated!

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #POTS #EDS #NAFLD #BPD #LiverDisease #Jointpain #Diabetes #InterstitialCystitis #Migraines #Depression #Fatigue #Children #Advice

32 reactions 9 comments
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Joint Pain

Hey, everyone. I hope you’re all doing a lot better than I am.

For the last four days it’s been about 30°C and I’ve had enough.. Tomorrow it’s meant to hit 32°C.

I’m doing everything I can to stay cool and hydrated - I’m drinking between 2 to 3 litres of water/squash. I have a fan on me 24/7. Somehow, I’m managing alright overall - I haven’t fainted or blacked out. And at night time I’ve pretty much been falling asleep very very quickly when I get into bed.

HOWEVER… My joints are killing me. They’re a little swollen, very achy and sometimes even feel like they’re creaking, if that makes sense? It’s mainly my wrists, fingers, knuckles, elbows, knees and ankles. If I squeeze my fingers together or squeeze my wrists it makes the pain better. Which is weird but that’s what happens. But I can’t exactly sit here and squeeze every joint. I don’t have enough hands, haha!

Does anyone have any advice for it? It’s far too hot to wear my compression stockings - I’ve been keeping my feet elevated a little bit instead. Is there anything else I can do?

Thank you all in advance

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #POTS #EDS #NAFLD #BPD #LiverDisease #Diabetes #InterstitialCystitis #Migraines #Jointpain #SoreJoints #PainfulJoints #Heatwave #toohot

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Since you all loved the photo of him the other day… I present - Loki being cute.

As I said, you all loved my beautiful Loki the other day. Today, he’s been curling up around my feet cus my blanket was too warm for him. I’m feeling much better today - the antibiotics have done their job, as have the heavy painkillers.

Thank you all for wishing me well. I hope you all have a fantastic and easy week ahead of you!

#chronicillnesswarrior #POTS #EDS #NAFLD #LiverDisease #Diabetes #Migraines #InterstitialCystitis #ic #bladderdisease #BladderPain #ChronicPain #Kidneyinfection

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Animal Intuition - He Knows.

So, I’m in the middle of an Interstitial Cystitis flare and possible kidney infection and I’ve been in so much pain with it and I’ve been utterly miserable. Mostly just curled up on my bed with a heat pad on my bladder area.

Loki has been the sweetest kitten/cat. Whenever I’m unwell he does tend to stay close to me. But earlier while I was half laying down, he just shuffled up to me, and laid right across my lower belly, nuzzling me and every so gently padding at my belly. He has completely melted my heart. He’s been doing it all morning. If I get up to get a drink or use the bathroom, he sits and waits and then when I’m back, he comes back and lies across my belly. 🥹

I love him so much.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #InterstitialCystitis #BladderPain #POTS #EDS #NAFLD #LiverDisease #Diabetes #Migraines #BPD #Depression #Anxiety

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How do I explain myself to my dentist…?

So, when I was 7 years old I had a pretty horrific dentist experience. Basically, I had to have a tooth removed. But the dentist said that because it was a baby tooth, I wouldn’t need any numbing injections. He was dead-fricking-wrong. I remember some nurses holding me down, my mum shouting, and what I can only describe as a pair of pliers. I remember screaming, and there being a lot of blood.

So for years I’ve been terrified of them. I couldn’t even walk on the same street as a dentist’s office without having a panic attack. In the last couple of years I’ve had to have my GP give me diazepam (Valium) just so I can sit in the damn chair. I’ve slowly built trust with my dentist, and I don’t need a huge dose to get me in the chair anymore.

Anyway, late last year I finally got to a point where I no longer needed to have any more work done. I’ve had four teeth removed (thankfully back ones), and several fillings. At least 9 of them. Since I started going regularly a couple of years ago, I’ve learned how to brush and floss properly. And according to the dentist at my last appointment last year, since brushing and flossing properly, I’ve managed to reverse the remaining decay I had left. Or, the start of the decay that was there.

But here’s the thing… The last 3-4 months have been so so stressful. I really stopped taking care of myself. I stopped washing regularly, I stopped eating properly and consumed loads of sugar (I’m type 2 diabetic), I stopped brushing and flossing my teeth, I barely took my medication… I was spiralling into an abyss. I felt angry and hopeless literally 24/7…

Then 6 weeks ago I spoke to my GP who then increased one of my antidepressants. Finally, a few weeks ago I started to feel a bit more like myself and I started taking care of myself better.

I’m overdue for a dental checkup and I’m just so scared. I’m worried they’ll be mad, and lecture me or judge me. And I’m also worried that I’m going to have to have more teeth removed… Any time I think about making the appointment I panic all over again and get really overwhelmed… What should I do? How do I explain myself in a way they’ll understand?

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated and welcomed.

#AutonomicDysfunction #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #POTS #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #EDS #jointhypermobility #NAFLD #LiverDisease #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Diabetes #Migraines #InterstitialCystitis #IBS #GERD #AcidReflux #Dentist #mouthproblems #Advice #Depression #Anxiety #panic

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Pleurisy and Animal Empathy

I know I keep making posts about my Loki, but you guys have no idea how much this kitten is helping me.

I’ve been diagnosed with Pleurisy again - the last time I had it was March 2021 and it was so severe I was hospitalised multiple times and the lower part of my right lung had collapsed. The pain was so bad, I was praying for something to kill me. It was truly agony. I couldn’t speak, because I was gasping for breath even when I was sat doing nothing. When the doctors asked me to tell them what had happened during that day, I could barely get more than two words out without sobbing and gasping for breath like I was slowly drowning. It was hell.

Thankfully, during the middle of last week I started to notice the early signs and was able to see my GP immediately, and get started on antibiotics and my inhalers. Which has helped massively but I’m still struggling to breathe and getting quite out of breath when I do basically nothing but rest.

Since I’m basically on bed rest and I’m in pain (more than usual), my mental health has been a bit rocky and been going downhill a bit. But Loki has been with me the whole time. He’s been curled up with me, or sitting/lying on my belly (and sometimes shoulder) and watching TV with me. And at night? He crawls under the covers and either curls up against my belly, or falls asleep on my pillow, at the back of my head with his head resting on mine.

He melts my heart and I’m so lucky to have him. Don’t ever tell me that cats don’t know or understand how we feel, or that they don’t care.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #Dysautonomia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #NAFLD #LiverDisease #Diabetes #Migraines #InterstitialCystitis #Depression #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Pleurisy #Asthma #ChestInfection #inhalers #TherapyPet #Empathy #Cats #Kittens #animaltherapy

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