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Why do I bother

We bought this house three years ago. It was my dream home. Despite my depression, my physical pain, my bipolar issues, I kept this house clean and organized.
Then my daughter and her at the time boyfriend moved in with their two cats and their two dogs. The boyfriend was an alcoholic who would drink himself to oblivion and then vomit everywhere. He damaged my main bathroom wall by pulling off the towel rack. He attempted to hang a tv on the wall in the bedroom causing huge holes there. When she finally kicked him out, he took one of the dogs with him.
The dogs pooped all over my dining room carpet when they fell ill. I have cleaned it repeatedly and can’t get it clean. The cats fight for dominance and it a constant battle cleaning up after them.
We have had to pull up carpet that I can’t afford to replace. There is damage everywhere. I love my daughter but she drops and goes. Her stuff is all over. The house reeks of cat piss and of the giant Bull Mastiff I now reside with. I don’t have the energy to keep up with the constant clean up. My once beautiful house is now such a mess I won’t let people over. And the house stinks.
None of this is helping my depression. I look around and feel like I am failing at life because I can’t keep up with simple house work. I just want to hide in my bed and cry.
Thank gawd I have my sewing lately. It’s the only thing I look forward to doing. #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Feelingsorryformyself #Feelingoverwhelmed #CVID #hopeless #neverendingcycle


A never-ending cycle

Attempting to fit in while feeling out of place
Trying to remain out of place while fitting yourself in
Never gaining both
Never escaping the cycle
For a cycle doesn't have neither a beginning
Nor an end

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder  #neverendingcycle #whenwillitend   #Identity


Anxiety and Depression together

You are so stressed that you want to die, but when you think about dying or harming yourself you get anxious and stress out more. #neverendingcycle