Identity

I feel like I'm a tired shell who knows and recognizes what is around but has no wires attaching it to the surrounding.

I'm numb.

I interact with other people, but I feel like I'm not in my body. It doesn't mean I'm somewhere else. I just am not?
I'm not sure how to describe it, but I'm sure I'm very tired.

Does it happen to you to feel detached?
Or more detached when tired?

It happens very often to me but it seems that being tired stresses me too much.

#numbness #Identity #BPD #Dissociation #Depersonalization

Not that long ago, I read an article on The Mighty that drew from two polarized understandings of disability. The first was the medical model of disability — “that when something is wrong with the body or mind it is an impairment or pathology, therefore, it is not functional, the ideal state is non-disabled, and an outside force should help work to ‘fix’ or cure the ‘broken’ state of the disabled person.” In a sense, this becomes a highly individualized diagnosis leading to bias prejudice, labels, and often exclusionary isolation from society (Ableism). The second is what it calls the social model of disability — “that yes, impairments in the body and mind do occur but that disability occurs because of the external disadvantages society creates in the management or handling of a person’s impairments through attitudes, systems, structures, and beliefs.”

What I often think is that we create a sort of pendulum structure between these two spheres; swaying back and forth while weighing the measures of truth between the two understandings. Do they both present certain truths?

#Disability #vulnerability #Identity

Read More Here:

Disability & The Defended Self

I flipped through the pages
And stopped at twenty-nine
It says are you who you want to be?
I drew underneath, a blue line

The words suddenly felt heavy
Like all the weight crashed on me
Tenderness slowly left my heart
The echo of the shaky breathes
Broke the silence apart

I put the book away
Because it was just too hard
The question staring back at me
For the answer, I never had

I think we lose who we want to be
In the sacrifices we make
It breaks us into pieces
Till we even lose the sense of ache
That we never realize what we could be
And what was at stake

But perhaps we are the tiny fragments
Of all the sacrifices and pain
But that didn't take away the regret
Of what we could be
If we never made that blind mistake
To let go of the person
And lose ourselves along the way

Maybe it's worth it
If it is done for love
Maybe that's what life is
To put love above all

So, I flipped through the pages
And stopped at twenty nine
I write underneath “not yet”
With a bittersweet smile
But as I put my pieces together slowly
I hope I would be, in time

#Identity #regrets #Depression #Hope #Love #MightyPoets

Disclaimer: I have BPD.

Last week I noticed that I hate looking in the mirror. To look at myself and not criticize at the same time is absurd to me. I don't like my face, I see different expressions, colors, and shapes every day. I don't recognize myself. Who am I?

Does anyone know the psychological background to this?

I don’t know what’s going on inside me. Inside my mind. I don’t know anything.
I’m anxious, worried, I feel ashamed of who I am. I feel guilty.
I feel like the worst person on earth.

I don’t know anything.

Hi everyone, I joined this group as soon as I saw it created, but I haven't posted here before. I feel so much turmoil still around my religious affiliation (evangelical Christian). I'm at a point now where I can say, "I don't think I'm a Christian anymore." The thing is, even if I'm not, the Bible verses and teachings are so, so ingrained in my psyche after being in the church from the time I was born.

I am having a lot of difficulty with making decisions now, in particular. When I was actively living as a Christian, I would pray and seek advice from church leaders and read the Bible if I had to make a decision. I always had this dread hanging over me that I might make a decision that was against "God's will" though; as a result, I definitely made a number of decisions that were harmful to me because it seemed like they were more acceptable to the church.

Now, I don't feel that dread about God's will, but I feel that I am completely lacking a foundation or framework for deciding what to do. I'm currently going through some career decisions and I can't separate "my values" from what I was indoctrinated into. Every time I try to start processing through this, I end up just breaking down because I feel like I don't even have an identity, and maybe I never have had one of my own. It's all very overwhelming and crushing.

I know there aren't any easy solutions to this, but I hope someone out there can at least relate to where I am at.

Thanks for listening ❤️

#Decisions #Career #Faith #Christianity #spiritualabuse #Identity #MentalHealth