Identity

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    Community Voices

    Confused

    Why do I feel like I'm more at ease with keeping my own personal things about my life and thoughts (the more personal ones) for myself, instead of telling other people in my life about it too - the moment I do, I feel like how they take what I said turns into a new reality, made by them, which starts to attack mine - and this leaves me confused. I'm not sure about what my feelings, emotions and thoughts truly are, truly were when I first made those decisions, and before telling them about these same decisions, if I'm losing focus because I'm being carried away by how others view my life or just what I said about it to them.
    This scares me more than I admit, because, since other people are always involved, I fear that I might do the wrong things, make the wrong decisions, involving their lifes too, while I may not be the real me. Maybe I'm just confused, my mind sais, so I should think carefully before taking steps in my life - and the moment I take them, my whole reality sturts to crumble and I start questioning.
    Does this make sense to anyone else? Not sure I really described the whole thing properly, though
    #Confusion #Reality #Doubt #Identity #Questioning #feelings #Decisions #Emotions #people

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    Community Voices

    myself

    <p>myself</p>
    7 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Gender stereotypes can be traumatizing

    <p>Gender stereotypes can be traumatizing</p>
    9 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    Are you portraying a fake identity?

    Have you ever stood looking at yourself in a mirror and thought “What am I doing with my life and is this really what I WANT”? If so you are not the only one, I’ve been there myself and they are tough questions to ask. Asking them may even mean giving something or someone up to achieve happiness.

    These questions can become even more prominent when you are dating. When you date the usual questions bounce back and forth. One of the most usually asked is what you do in your spare time or what are your hobbies. If you are anything like me you have hesitated to tell them in case they think it’s boring and then loose interest. What can be even worse is when you suffer from anxiety, you tell them and then feel like they are either judging you or simply saying nice things to be nice.

    If this is something you have experienced then it may be time to ask and answer those questions. But to do this you have be to be completely honest with yourself. Why? Well, if you aren’t comfortable with who you are and what you do with your life, how can you be comfortable expressing and sharing this with a potential partner.

    Believe me I have been there, and it eventually leads to an increase in anxiety levels and a craving for something the other person won’t be able to provide. What I mean by this is that if you do not have anything else in your life you enjoy or working towards you will then expect that one person to full fill all those needs. What a lot of pressure for one person, especially if you have just started dating and ultimately this will lead to disaster. They will constantly feel under pressure, you’ll come across needy, they will pull away. Even worse if you are like me you will blame yourself and second guess everything you did and are doing. Leading into an anxiety spiral where you head feels like scramble egg. Not good or mentally healthy.

    So, to create a bond and relationship with someone you first must be secure in who you are. For me I had to had to go through this process very recently as I felt what I was doing wasn’t fun or exciting enough to other people, so it shouldn’t be those things to me. Well FUCK them!!! I love what I do, and I am good at, with lots of potential to change the world if I continue to work hard. Them, well one day I may hire them to clean my medals, degrees, and toilets whilst they reminisce# the good old days in the pub. The things I can do once I have achieved what I want. The same goes for you.

    What I am trying to say is. If you don’t feel secure in yourself, go out there and work fucking hard until you do. Find hobbies and experiences you are proud to shout about and when you do meet someone not only will you come across more confident in yourself, but you won’t drive them away with neediness and high expectations. Don’t let any once else tell you what you want isn’t good enough, especially people who think they have no time to achieve but watch Love Island every night. Finally remember no one person can meet all one person’s needs and to expect that is a lot of pressure and not healthy.

    #Anxiety #Identity #Dating #selfawarness

    Community Voices

    There is no way to keep this quick, but I'll try. I'm 50 and still battling with OCD, ADHD, panic, social and relationship anxiety, constant depression. I could take a conversation with a professional in so many directions in talking about my symptoms, my experiences, etc, to try to "get to the root of it", but it's never simple, and I'm now exhausted. However I HAVE to keep trying, but finding yet another therapist and doctor to trust and open up to is just so overwhelming. My life effectively ended at 17 when my first panic attacks took over, and from that very moment, I knew I'd never be the same. There are certain things I've been unwilling to openly discuss. I've seen many therapists, gotten a lot off my mind over the years (that probably saved my life), I've taken a million different prescriptions, but have never stuck consistently with therapy, never have been as open as I could be, and so have made only enough progress to manage the worst of my symptoms, and now I just exist. I feel I'm looking downhill at the rest of my life, craving my younger days prior to the onset of this horrible condition(s) with an aching and desperate heart to go back in time and experience even a second of peace again. With two daughters now turning into adults, no spouse or family around for support, I have more ongoing responsibilities now and need help now more than ever. I am terrified.

    40 people are talking about this
    Jill Battle

    Feeling Trapped and Finding Yourself With Addison's Disease

    There is a girl who lives in a box somewhere safe inside of me. When she was younger, that little girl’s daddy called her “Alice.” The girl in the box loved butterflies, baseball, and boat rides. Her dogs’ names were Scott, Champagne, and Mindy. She liked to skip and run. She hated spinach. She loved licorice and green Kool-Aid. She loved swimming, playing with her cousins, and watching her grandparents play the guitar. No one knows there is a girl trapped in a box inside of me. No one knows that little girl trapped in a box inside of me is the real me. No one is trying to rescue me because they can’t see that little girl. I put myself in that box as chronic illness slowly eroded my soul. I put the little girl I was in a box to protect and comfort me as my reality was overtaken by the daily struggles of Addison’s disease. Sometimes that little girl in the box cries out, “I am still here. I am inside this box. Please don’t forget me or give up on me. I want out of my box.” She begs and pleads, ”Please, please, please! Someone help rescue me!” I hear the real me from inside that box. The real me is terrified, and she cries all alone. I remember the girl I used to be — the girl the world has forgotten about — but I have not forgotten about myself. I still exist inside that box, and I made a promise to not give up on myself. But chronic illness has made me fearful and too tired to fight. But I made a promise to myself that the little girl in a box would be worth the effort. She is worth the fight. The little girl wants out of that box — but I do not know how to rescue her. Then, I looked into my children’s eyes. I thought, “When I die, is this how I want to be remembered — as a shell of who I really am?” My children do not know the girl in the box — they do not know the real me. My children — my shining lights — deserve the real me. In that moment, I realized I deserved the real me. I realized I needed to find a way to rescue me. To get out of my box, I needed to strengthen a soul that was deprived emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I started putting together my own resources, exploring a multitude of health care options, and using unconventional means of healing — challenging the system that had forgotten about the girl in the box. That terrified little girl who was locked inside that box held herself tightly and gave herself permission for her light to grow brighter than bright. With time and patience, she rescued herself from inside that box. I am no longer “the girl trapped in the box.” My journey with chronic illness has been an immeasurable gift. I did not let my pain define and destroy me. Instead, I chose to acknowledge, embrace, and accept my journey. I took personal responsibility for my choices. I discovered how to love myself deeply, and I found my true courage and strength. In the darkness, I found my light. Now I make a promise to that little girl who was forgotten and locked in a box. I promise that until my last breath, she and I are worthy of our lights shining brighter than bright.

    Community Voices

    A Big "if"

    Lately, I've been wondering what would my old friends from my past would think of they saw me today, being my true self. I've wondered if by diluting my identity made me look dumb or needy. (Then again, I did it to appeal to those I've called friends.) I did a huge disservice to my emotional intelligence, and I know this now because looking back, I wasn't like them. And I knew it deep down inside. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Identity #emotionalintellegence

    24 people are talking about this
    Kasey Ann

    Healing Your 'Inner Adolescent' as an Adult

    When COVID-19 quarantine hit, it caused many of us to do some intense personal reflection and take some “life inventories.” Mine made it glaringly obvious that I had a lot of healing to do when it came to my relationship with myself. I was focused on filling my “happiness tank” and “quality time tank” with other people’s love and attention. I realized that’s not only unfair to those around me, but it’s also impossible to sustain in the long term. So I set off on a self-discovery adventure during which I acted on my own love language and took myself on creative “self dates” every few weeks until my relationship with “me, myself, and I” was the strongest, most reliable connection I had in my life. But that’s not what this is about. This article is the love child of the unexpected lesson I learned from my “self date” challenge. I learned that adventure is my “healing language.” I know I can stick to the assignment when I make it bigger than therapy sessions, journaling, and reading. I was in a therapy session a few weeks back, still working through the “intake awkwards” with my newest therapist as she tried her hardest to learn everything about me in a few hours, and I tried my hardest not to burst out in tears with every question. She gave me the classic “Mhm, I see” with a head nod, and I was immediately intrigued by what she had to say next. She told me it sounded like with everything I experienced in my childhood and early adult years, I had inadvertently skipped a whole phase of development: the adolescent years, which form our identities. I went from an innocent child exploring my own imagination and soaking up as much fun as possible to an adult juggling responsibilities, decisions and consequences. I took this concept home with me. It played over and over in my head as I attempted to return to work, make myself dinner, and engage with my family. I thought about it before falling asleep at night and immediately upon locking eyes with myself in the mirror the next morning. I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder (c-PTSD). I had a lot happen in life pretty much back-to-back, and it all shaped who I am and how I react to people and events. What I never stopped to consider, though, is that those events had robbed me of the “identity shaping” period of my childhood. My struggles with things like making new friends, choosing hobbies, and responding to people telling me to “Tell me about yourself” finally made sense. Naturally, I took myself on a new healing adventure. I want to use this time to explore and identify myself. Using Erik Erikson’s psychosocial stages of development as the foundation for my exploration, I have committed to a new “self challenge” in which I go back to the “identity versus role confusion” stage of development — which most people go through as teenagers. I want to finally learn who I am. That means answering several questions about myself. Who am I to myself? Who am I in my social relationships? Who am I in terms of my beliefs? What do I stand for? What do I like and dislike? Here’s how I plan to do this. Each month for the rest of this year, I will commit to a specific age in adolescence and build experiences around that part of development. I will expand on Erikson’s age bracket just a little bit, starting at age 10 instead of age 12 and moving all the way through to the “big 18.” In the spiritual world, we hear a lot about “inner child healing.” As of today, I am committing to “inner adolescent healing.” I want to come out of this experience with an improved sense of self. I plan on sharing updates on my identity challenge each month. I invite you to join me if you feel like your inner adolescent could use some extra love and attention too!

    Community Voices

    Is Darkness deep or is Depth dark?

    I live in a rational world of my own
    My daily struggle is to merge feelings & thoughts
    While I am able to fully theorise and describe all feelings
    I only feel them- skin deep.
    Who am I?

    I feel numb & empty most of the times.
    I’m used to failure so I fear success
    I sabotage my chances cause if I were to succeed
    Who will I be?

    I reminisce on the past but all that comes to mind
    Are the bad, the dirty and the inadequate me.
    I navigate through life, surviving barely
    Asking me who I am is like asking someone who is lost, “where, just where are you going?”

    No I cannot say who I will become especially since I do not remember who I was.

    #Identity
    #Trauma

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