nonbinary

I heard about the death of another non-binary teen in the news this week (Nex Benedict) and I’m really upset about it. They were 16 and beat to death over being non-binary. The school didn’t even have the decency to call them an ambulance. I’m tired of hearing all about how being gay is a sin. I’m tired of my relatives constantly talking about God yet making it seem like being gay is the biggest abomination on earth. It’s not. I believe in God and Jesus and I’m so sick of this argument. I’m so sad that another kid died so violently. I’m scared for myself despite living in a liberal state… you just don’t know these days. I’m just upset. #LGBTQ #Transgender #nonbinary #MentalHealth #Depression

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I had plans today and it just HAD to be ruined! Did the construction workers HAD to come in today?! Now I can’t come out of my fucking room without fearing of being misgendered and trying to avoid them. I have severe social dysphoria. I’m non-binary, not a girl.. 😢

Not only that, but I’m TRYING to record something before my sister’s kids are home for summer break next week (which is a pain in the ass because of overstimulation), and I don’t have much time left before they do!

Please tell me they’ll leave soon…

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #GenderDysphoria #nonbinary #LGBTQIA #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #why #justwhy

Also TW For misgendering and breakdowns
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This is why life is so goddamn hard when the kids are home. Why? Just fucking why? Children high-pitch noises upset me (I live with my sister and her 2 kids) but I despise being misgendered as a girl. I’m non-binary, damn it! It’s like no matter how OBVIOUS I try to make it, they still mistake me as a lady. 😡 As someone with severe social dysphoria, it doesn’t help. At all. It leads to breakdowns 100% of the time now.

Thanks, America /sarc /neg /nbh

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #why #nonbinary #imnonbinary #GenderDysphoria #Life #Family #venting #TriggerWarnings

TW Mentions of fat-shaming, swearing, bugs, some all caps, misgendering, exclusionism #venting
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Seriously, why does this damn society seem to think that just because you look overweight instantly leads to believing they have health problems or the only ones capable of health problems? You can look skinny, or average, or look really healthy (even have a bunch of muscles!) and can - still - have health problems regarding weight or how you eat.

Now I’m remembering someone in 2018 who just came up to me and was very kind and told me their way of how they lost weight. I was just sitting there, minding my own business. I thought that they were being very nice and just giving advice, and now I feel like a fucking fool because it was JUST BECAUSE I LOOKED OVERWEIGHT!

Today, it honestly doesn’t help that when I’m told how I should eat or exercise, I get imposter syndrome all over again. I’m an adult. I already suffer from anxiety and despise this ridiculous judgemental ignorant world. I know I’m overweight. When I’ve had enough of life, I have the urge for comfort food. I know what I’m eating isn’t really that healthy, I admit that, and I’ve always TOLD myself that I should eat healthy, not to look skinnier, but to at least be healthier, and had even made plans to cut out some thing I should eat.…it’s hard. I have a lot of shit going on right now. Does society even understand that?!

I’m already stressed that the weather is already getting warmer here than I like, which means more bugs (flies, gnats) and possibly fleas again, so I’m trying to plan the best way to make this problem not so irritating including doing things that my sister continuously says that I shouldn’t do which also fucking irritates me to max (tying the garbage bags… it keeps the gnats away and I even SAID that I’ll buy more bags for us). Last summer was horrible and I do NOT want it to come. Spring is also about to betray me as well.

I am non-binary and have severe social gender dysphoria and hate being misgendered as a fucking “she”, which means I mostly stay inside all the time because of how painful it is.

I suffer from trust issues because of how much the world is a piece of garbage. “Cringe” this, “snowfl*king” that, “faking” this, seriously. Why.

My sister’s kids are on spring break and their loud footsteps irritate my autism whether or not I like to admit that.. trying to not to seem like I hate them (which I don’t, I love them!!). And all I’m trying to do is to get myself CALM.

Those are just four things. There are many more I can list. So even trying to be healthy is a struggle either because of poor mental health or that I’ve given up at that moment. I want to live… but it’s to eat healthy or exercise because of all of this crap. Does society even understand that?!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Fatshaming #fat #Overweight #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #ImposterSyndrome #DearSociety #nonbinary #EatingDisorders #EatingIssues #eating #EatingHealthyIsNotEasy #MentalHealth #LGBTQIA #BeingHealthyIsNotEasy #sad #BodyShaming #BodyImage

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It hurts,
It fucking hurts.
It kills,
It always did.
Sad excuses left and right,
Ignorance is left to bite…
Me.
And Us.

“Systems and plurals are crazy,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only men and women,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only heterosexuality,”
According to this planet.
“Sex define your gender identity,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only monogamy and monoamory,”
According to this planet.
“White folk deserve more than those of color,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only romance and friendship,”
According to this planet.

“Everyone’s autism is a disorder or disability,”
According to this damn planet.
“Neurodivergent folks are too loud,”
According to this damn planet.
“Fat folks are a joke,”
According to this damn planet.
“Sex and romance and love is natural among all beings,”
According to this damn planet.
“Adults can’t cry,”
According to this damn planet.
“Mental health is selfish,”
According to this damn planet.
“Trigger warnings are a joke,”
According to this damn planet.
“You should stop being poor and pay more,”
According to this damn planet.
“Everyone should identify as a human being and alterbeings, otherkin, and fictionkin folks are snowflakes and ‘cringe-worthy’,”
According to this damn planet.
“Anything that is not seen as ‘normal’ or not common should be stigmatized and criticized until it makes other folk want to closet themselves for eternity and be forced into this void of hell called “being like everyone else’,”
According to this damn forsaken planet.

Past mother’s self,
Mentally abusive.
Keeps me up,
As thoughts are still intrusive.
New mother’s self,
No longer abusive,
Past mother keeps me up,
As they are still intrusive.

—

Fuck ignorance.
What’s it ever done to us?
Take the Mars and Venus symbol,
Combine them together,
And destroy it altogether.
Neither are truly me.
Take the “human” label and wash it away,
And don’t tell me I’m human,
Else I will cry,
I’ve cried too much.
Alterbeings exist anyway.
An alien hybrid trapped in this damn realm called Earth,
I love space,
I miss my home,
It was much more quieter than here,
Much more sensical than here,
Much more reasonable than here,
Much… less ignorant.

Than here.

——

I am a non-binary transmasc overweight individual who is part of a system/plural. My pronouns are he/they/it, and some others. I do not identify as a human, I am alterhuman/alterbeing, although I still identify as someone of color. I’m black/mixed. I have 6 non-romantic partners who I all love equally with my entire heart and are also part of the same system I’m a part of, they are as real as ever. Also, I despise my autism being called a disorder or disability.

And I’m so sick of feeling ignored, and of what Earth had to offer for the past 20 years of my life on its ground. Thank you.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #nonbinary #LGBTQIA #ignorance #Poem #Vent #TW #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Alterhuman #otherkin #Racism #Capitalism #Trauma #Polyamory #system #plural #EndTheStigma #GenderIdentity #GenderDysphoria #MentalHealth #Awareness #earth #Homesick #StopSilencingUs

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I bet the nephews are home today (again 😞) because of President’s Day. I can’t even get some dang peace and quiet in this dang house, not even a full week anymore, so I’m leaving out this dang house (again. Seriously, I just wanted to relax today 😞😞).

And what’s so good about the damn day anyway? I mean I get that they run everything and all, and Biden’s better in other ways than our last horrible good-for-nothing president, but he refuses to defund the police even though he believes in Black Lives Matter, he’s pro-Israel, I’ve heard he once thought to make homelessness illegal, etc.

Also, our government just plain sucks, they can’t see that non-binary identities exist (until like 2025), 1000% of the time I always get misgendered by higher authority (which pains me a lot inside), I got taken off of social security because they seriously thought that I can work no problem (which, I’ve said plenty of times, I cannot for a vast multitude of reasons) and had to face my autism being called a disability throughout the entire time (which I despise), the list can go on and on. This is the entire reason I’m an anarchist, can’t we just depend on ourselves for our rights instead of the government who barely even knows you? /rh

#Autism #Anxiety #Family #unfair #President #nonbinary #sad #overstimulated

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This is going to be a long vent.. so I apologize.

I thought that my preferred clinic had a nonbinary option, but I remembered that it was only on one of their forms. The other form said “m or f” so I just put nonbinary on top of it (which was the only form I was given).

It just plain sucks. For example, earlier this year, I forced myself to change my gender marker to Male on my ID since I despise being seen as female, but even though I’m transmasc, it’s still not satisfactory. And while being there, I was misgendered as a woman a ton. 😒

We have to freaking wait for 3 more freaking years for a gender neutral marker in the US, and I’m so sick of waiting for that long already!

Shopping online sucks, too. Today, I was so mad that computer glasses were gendered. They’re freaking computer glasses!! And I still like some feminine stuff and being androgynous but hate that everything feminine is labeled “for ladies”. And although I know that clothes don’t equal gender, seeing those “women/girls” and “men/women” labels still trigger my dysphoria. And you may say “well, there are markets out there who make clothes gender neutral and aim for inclusiveness for those outside the binary”, but 1) most of them cost too much money that I don’t want to spend and we’re not rich, and 2) they’re not really my style of clothing.

And I hate when companies (or anything/anyone) say or put options for those out of the gender binary, but then don’t use gender neutral language at all, like “mom/dad” or the worst one, “ladies and gentlemen”… Like we don’t just want to be included in gender options, but in everyday language, too! Especially if someone’s interested in specific topics like bdsm and doesn’t want to be freaking fetishized for being trans like come on 🙄

I’m not a freaking fetish.

Anyway, this is the reason why I may appear anti-social and why I have my headphones on whenever I go outside. That and I tried to not made being nonbinary not do obvious, but no. Since from being misgendered a lot no matter what I freaking look like, I’ve had it and now my hat, mask, and patches clearly state that I’m nonbinary and to not call me miss, ma’am, or she. So that those who can read can see it very obviously. My social dysphoria is that bad.

Having to put up with this almost everyday is so tiring and annoying and just… ugh.

#nonbinary #genderqueer #GenderDysphoria #LGBTQIA #venting #itsucks #SocialAnxiety #Autism